Here I was in 2003 affirming a new life for myself. Not that my life needed to be different but more like I needed to change my beliefs and step into a new beginning for me. When I heard the call of my soul I awakened to a world that was called by many new age. An interesting term when the truth is that this world that opened for me felt like it was part of my existence. I felt like I was home as I traveled the many avenues offered. In November of this year I experienced a Spiritual Day Spa which was amazing. It was at this spa that I met my mentor and studied with her for one year. She also was a Reiki Master Teacher and Certified Holistic Health Counselor. When the student is ready the teacher will come is how the saying goes. It seemed that I was ready.
Reiki is a 100 year old healing modality where the practitioner uses hand positions over the chakras. The chakras are both connected to the physical organs in our body and the different layers of the aura. Chakra is a Sanskrit word and means “wheel.” A chakra will spin in relation to the energy level of your system. These chakras exist within us all. In the same way that we have a physical body we also have a subtle body. There are seven chakras that start at (1) the base of our spine (2) going up the body to the sacral (3) then our solar plexus (4) to the heart (5), throat (6), brow or third eye (7) the crown. Every chakra has a corresponding organ in our physical system. I always refer to the chakras as the blueprint to our soul. As I discovered a new way of connecting to myself and by receiving Reiki, a shift from the depths of my soul guided me forward.
As I recall these years there were so many teachers that appeared for me in the form of books as I love to read. I actually have a library in my home. My dream ever since I could read and write was to be an author. My entire life I loved the action of taking a pen to paper and putting my thoughts and feelings into a journal. I explored poetry as a form of therapy when I was a young mother.
Here I was with my mentor who also taught me Reiki and led me to the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in NYC. The year was 2004 and in April, I discovered Caroline Myss and read her book Sacred Contracts. I have to take a second to inform you my reader that not only did I read many of these teachers books but I also traveled to their workshops. I laugh as I remember my fears as a Long Island mom traveling into New York City. However, the call of my soul drove me to take one step in front of the other and move forward at my pace.
Remember those little fingertips holding on for dear life when I looked into the mirror, well my inner child was starting to loosen up and let go. She was somehow happier as I traveled this path of my truth. I developed a need to walk at the beach, skip and sing with her. I fed her and she nourished my soul as we reconnected. There was no looking back but I will admit there was fear that I was going somewhere I knew nothing about haunted me. I was a wife and mother and that I knew how to do very well so I allowed that change is growth and I was doing something to create a better me, a wiser me and developing a spirituality that I had forgotten was mine.
Caroline Myss explains in her book Sacred Contracts how you can identify your particular spiritual energies, or archetypes – the gatekeepers of your higher purpose – and use them to help you find out what you are here on earth to learn and whom you are meant to meet. Exploring your Sacred Contract will shine a light on the purpose and meaning of your life. You are meant to do certain tasks, you are meant to have certain relationships.
By the time I was reading this book I had become a Reiki Master myself. Not only does Caroline Myss write of our contracts but she also writes the following about our chakras.
The system of energy centers known as the chakras defines and supports our spiritual life much the way the spinal column – along which they are traditionally located – supports our physical body. Like the stages of a Contract, they too follow a progression that reflects our spiritual development from childhood through maturity. But in a literal sense, the chakras are also connected to the everyday function of our bodies and minds. They regulate everything from our survival instinct, sex drive, and self-esteem to our emotions, intellect, will and spiritual aspirations. A knowledge of how they function and how they help you to function is essential to a complete understanding of your Sacred Contract.
It is the reaction to our life situations I have learned that are capable of filling each and everyone of us with fear or love. My journey to live my truth has been an experience for me to look into all that is possible in life. As I pray I know I am creating a connection to a force that is beyond my wildest imagination to a power within. Releasing my thoughts in a journal is a form of therapy that clears my mind and soul. Meditation takes me into the vast depth within that waits to calm, center and enlighten me.
As I share my story and the journey next and how I became a true believer in the unknown I hope my light shines on you.
Pray. Mediate. Journal.
As I continue writing on the shift of transformation that I was led to I feel blessed to share my journey. After traveling a life experience of loving unconditionally I found that I needed more in life. It was a time when my soul cried out to me. I was led to what I call Part “B” of my journey. A book opened my heart to experience a path that is believable but alternative for many. Yet, in my heart I ached to return to this part of myself.
I did not tread lightly on this new adventure as I flew forward anxious at times and fearful but within I knew I had to move forward. I ask myself always can one book simply allow me to believe as I do today and I must answer it was this one step that led me to walk many steps.
This book that I speak of is by Louis L. Hay and I discovered it in a little quaint bookstore in Woodstock New York. In reading You Can Heal Your Life, I discovered her Philosophy which I embraced with open arms as well as the ability of affirmations to inspire me daily.
Louise L. Hay writes:
We are responsible for all of our experiences. Every thought we think is creating our future. The point of power is always in the present moment. Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt. The bottom line for everyone is, “I’m not good enough.” It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed. We create every so-called illness in our body. Resentment, criticism and guilt are the most damaging patterns. Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer. We must release the past and forgive everyone. We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves. Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive change. When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.
I discovered my inner child hanging tightly on to the lids of my eyes when I looked within. I felt her sadness and despair to survive. Clueless to how my childhood, marriage and life experiences had filled a part of me with sorrow I fell in love with her and in doing so, I began to love me just as I was.
After reading this book I wrote affirmations for twenty-one days for twenty-one times until my thought process changed. I still say the same affirmations today that I began with in 2003 daily.
I trust the process of life to bring only good to me. I am safe. All is well. I am as God created me, a spiritual being of love and light. I only create peaceful experiences because I love myself. I am healthy, happy and whole body, mind and soul. There is time and space for everything.
This 246 page book is what enlightened me to open my heart and believe in me. I had many years of despair, depression and doubt in who I was due to the journey. Death has the way of manifesting a desire to know and understand reasons why everything happens. Abuse makes us look within to wonder why we are treated unkindly. Abandonment makes us wonder why we are not loved. Life has this way of allowing us to experience different emotions and fear no matter who we are. I credit this book to open wide the window of my soul to finally be nourished.
There are many books, classes and workshops I have enjoyed and I look forward to sharing with you the power and process of positive thought, word and action. My teachers have been many and I hope you enjoy the ride with me.
Pray. Meditate. Journal
My role as wife and mom filled me with joy. I imagine as women that stay at home we experience the unique balancing of the stages of our children’s growth process. School, homework, tests, sports, music, dance and the many ways we need to beat the clock daily. Yet we survive it all. Dating today has amazed me raising four children as I never dated but have been with my husband since the 7th grade. Definitely different times. I have one rule and that is who they love I love.
As I witness the expansion of my family with marriage and babies I realize that generationally we are all raised in different surroundings. As such, no one can comprehend another’s childhood and acceptance is needed. Acceptance and love allows us to not be critical or judgmental. This I strive for in my life. I believe the soul aches to be nourished as we enter into all relationships. it matters not who we are in relationship with we are all given the choice of how we react to them. Love needs to be the foundation in all relationships not just for babies or our pets. When we strive for excellence others will also.
When my youngest daughter at seventeen and she left for college my life shifted. It was a time of deep reflection for me as motherhood responsibilities were eliminated. Three of my children moved out of the home at this time and the tears began to fall. I questioned why I had not prepared for this moment. With a deep ache in my heart I prayed to know where I was headed. The word “share” became part of my vocabulary. As a mom for twenty-four years at this point in time, I had shared my love, time, and wisdom with my children. Now what? It is in these times of emotional sadness where we are rewarded with our purpose. An avid book person and a daily woman who took pen to paper, I discovered God definitely had a plan for me.
Visiting my daughter in Arizona at ASU I began to read the book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. The date was October 10, 2003! The definition of transformation is the act or process of transforming; the state of being transformed..
The purpose of my existence has been to love and be loved. I never questioned any other way of being. I simply knew to love. It mattered not the situation or how I was treated my choice was to love. At times when fear crept into my world I wrote poetry or took to my journal to make sense of others in my life being unkind. When I became a mother thirty-eight years ago the meaning of my being here was confirmed. To nurture and nourish with unconditional love was the key that unlocked the despair from yesterday.
There was a part of me that understood the natural essence of life and how to provide with my body through natural childbirth and breast feeding a cord that would sustain us both. This wonder in my first son was a miracle with my husband that we would create a total of four times. The memories I have stored away that I treasure from the very moment I met these babies has sustained me to know my purpose. I believe that they set the stage for what I do today in more ways than one can imagine. As a single mom my children kept me sane. I realized early that I never owned them and that I was simply the means of their existence and foundation.
I deeply loved the responsibilities that came with this new title I proudly wore that I was chosen to be the mother of Tory, Tina, Nicholas and Jessica. Dinner time was family time where we gathered together to share our day and to laugh. You may wonder if there was conflict, rebellion and disagreement between these siblings and society. I fool you not and share that we existed as a family bonded by a mother that saw no wrong in her children. Boundaries were a key ingredient in their world as they grew up. Do not think that they did not call to my attention the judgmental and critical attitude of their teachers. Still, I stood firm in my belief in my children no matter what.
Children learn by love and support which they received abundantly. Who they have grown to be in essence as husband, father, wife and mother is critical to how they were raised. The two youngest ones who are not married yet still have time to choose how they will approach the world of being a spouse or parent.
What they have accomplished today is their freedom to live in a world where many have fallen victim to drugs. Is this the reality of a society that has fallen victim to substances, due to the fact of pain, choice or a prearranged contract? Why does one choose to be addicted and another not? Only God knows the answer to that.
In reality, I am a child of an alcoholic but I chose not to be one. Is there a lesson here that I simply learned that I grasped at a young age? Can it be that what I was witness to was part of the plan? As we are all children at one time raised by our parents very early on, I wonder who is the teacher and who is the student?
Today as I blog my baby has turned thirty years old. I am amazed at how time is the one thing we can not stop or change or return to in our reality of life. Time does not wait for anyone. Children will grow up with or without love I imagine. Although I do believe as a mom that my greatest and only reason for being is to love these children under all circumstances.
Who I am today on this path that I travel is because of them, my husband and my parents. Many have travelled along with me and some have stayed while others ventured away. Know that we are all here to light the way for another with love.
Transformation is next…
Pray. Meditate. Journal.
The innocence of my life was that I loved. The path of my life has led me on a journey that I never questioned or wondered about. Placing one step in front of the other I walked forward trusting and believing in my destiny. I imagine at times that fear gripped me and tried to delay that which I needed to learn by the power of my ego to fill my head because of the situation of my home life. The journey has a way of allowing us to stumble at times and pick ourselves up and move forward on this path we call life.
Raised in to believe in God, I went to Catholic school where real nuns in black dresses and huge rosary beads put fear and belief in sin in everyone. That I loved was simply my foundation of being taught to be a good girl. The rituals of my religion I embraced with open arms. Prayer, church and confession were weekly if not sometimes daily. Somehow when I was younger the air on Sunday was different to me. The sounds and people on a Sunday were different, as well. I cannot explain it but Sunday was a holy day and a family day. The silence in the air I imagine today was because no one worked and all the stores were closed. It was peaceful to go to the Avenue and find that every store was closed. This was a time when there were no malls imagine that! My dad would go to the bakery and after church we had cheese Danishes and apple turnovers. When I was older and no longer in Catholic school I skipped church and walked the Avenue. Once in high school there was no one to answer to and the taste of freedom too great. Needless to say, I held fast to my prayers but the rituals of my childhood slipped away. I was too busy now.
What does the word love really mean? Love in the dictionary states a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend. Such innocence of affection led me to marry my childhood boyfriend and begin one amazing ride. We grew up during these past forty-four years together in our marriage. We truly lived an existence that was separate at times and filled with emotion at others. I was taught by my parents as he was taught by his about how to be in a relationship. I cannot speak for his childhood because I was not living in his home. Mine although briefly described prior to this page, I saw a father who cherished his wife although he scared her to death because of his addictions. It was this witnessing of separation between them as my brother and I went with my dad everywhere and during the last thirty years of his life it was I who spent time with him and cherished him. My mom’s detachment due to fear of him and me allowed her to favor my brother so the lesson I learned was to favor no one. My husband and I had created a separate existence through the years while raising four children. I find this interesting to realize today because our roles somehow reflected a part of our own upbringing.
Blessed to be a stay at home mom it was my husband who has provided everything for our family. His drive and desires enabled us to live a life filled with abundance. A man of many talents he is a builder of homes today because he started his journey in construction but at one time he owned and ran two restaurants, a resale automobile business and a record label, as well as, being a manager for our daughter’s singing career.
Still I wonder always when did the innocence leave. Is it simply part of living at this time on planet earth that somehow, somewhere more became a requirement to exist. Why did we choose to go further than our parents in every way? Was it offered to us because of our education, beliefs or simply the fact that change and growth is part of the plan for everyone. An example I think of was that I grew up without a car. At one time we had seven cars in our home. Another would be; I grew up with a telephone only in the kitchen. Our house had one in every bedroom and there were five, living room and even in our master bathroom which brought it to a total of eight. Is this all considered progress, want or necessity.
Now that we are alone in our large house we have only one television in the living room and we have downsized to five telephones and three cars. My life is abundant and yes I am grateful beyond words for the ride i have been allowed to experience. My yesterdays have taken me to a place of deep understanding that there is a reason for everything and there are no mistakes ever in life.
To come … the children!
Pray. Meditate. Journal
In reflection, I would like to write that my life has been just like yours if you have been raised in a home with an alcoholic or fearful and detached parent. I was blessed being born in 1951 with a simple existence of not knowing how another friend of mine lived. Being clueless of what went on in someones home, therefore, I was not aware that my family life was anything but perfect. The word dysfunctional did not enter my mind until I was a mom myself and searching for my path.
Stories that I have are many but they are in the past where they belong. I married young to my 7th grade sweetheart. We grew up together and in doing so we just put one foot in front of the other and here we are forty-four years later. Proud parents of four amazing children and five delicious grand babies. We never planned, we never spoke of money, never traveled and we never ever involved our parents in our life.
I believe that my parents generation were extremely close to theirs because they were breast fed. There was a deep sense of family and it was a time where family all lived within the same neighborhood. The bond between mother and child is secure in the aspect of nourishing the baby with ones own body. I was not breast fed nor were most of my generation because of formula being invented. Please share your thoughts on this aspect whether you were breast fed or not. It is an interesting concept I feel that breast feeding connects the child in a different way compared to a bottle fed baby and it is that simplicity to life that we need to connect back to. Of course, it is different today because most babies are breast fed. I started having babies in 1977 and my last was born in 1985 and I enjoyed the comfort, touch and bond I felt by breast feeding. There are exceptions to everything in life and our choices as parents have a deep well of power when it comes to our children.
I look back on the fact that my dad only went to the 6th grade, as well as, my mom. It was a time for them to have their dreams and desires but unable to manifest that which would propel them to a life of joy. Love was the key to their existence. I believe love is the basis and foundation as well as the purpose we are here. He worked nights up until he was 40 years old when he had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide. It was then that a shift developed within my family life that took me into the minds of the mentally ill at the age of eighteen. He lived another thirty years in and out of psychiatric hospitals and different adult homes. Then right after I married at twenty, my mom divorced him and he became my responsibility until his death of lung cancer at seventy.
Dad had a deep love and connection to Mother Nature. He walked everywhere, he loved the beach and going to indoor pools in the winter. He loved music and the movies. He was a simple but wise man to me. He loved being outside in a park or just walking through the streets. He walked everywhere.
My mom the fearful one never journeyed with us out into the streets of our neighborhood or New York City, nor did she swim with us. It was always as far back as I can remember my dad, brother and me. Of course, there were drunken episodes and I make light of them because I never feared my dad. I feared for him. Today, I realize my moms fear of my dad when in a drunken state kept her at home where she could be safe for awhile.
I am blessed to understand the past of my parents life and mine had reason and purpose. Truly I think back on these memories with love and know that my parents did the best that they could.
I shared a life journey with my parents that I continue to respect even today. I honor them in the best way that I am capable of by taking the gifts that I received from them and with love I share them through the written word and being fearless.
Innocence, love and marriage is coming…
Pray. Journal. Meditate.
Today I reflect on my life and all that I have experienced. Who am I? Where am I gong? How did I get to this page? The questions of my mind are constant and fill me with comfort. It has been a journey. Remarkable – yes! It seems it has been my path to live by choice to discover and heal from the experiences of yesterday.
Interesting word ‘heal,’ what do I need to heal from? An interesting question to ponder. Growing up in the charm of a simple life mixed with alcoholism and mental illness helped me to get here I believe. I was clueless of fear or that something was wrong growing up. After all, I was a child who loved to read and write. I wanted to grow up to be a teacher. The words of yesterday were completely different to the ones many of us use today. I can imagine how filled with fear the children are today to hear of the labels we as a society constantly speak of; drugs, addictions, anger, war, death and fear.
I was blessed to be an at home mom and play with my children conscious of our time together. In the future will the absence of parents today because of money issues and children being raised outside of their home by others show us one day of a misplaced void in life. Can the mass amount of toys and electronics stop the desire for imagination to develop so a child can find who they want to be.
The simplicity of yesterday for me had been reading, writing, coloring, playing with dolls, going to the park, swimming and playing outside, riding a bicycle and watching my brother play stick ball or stoop ball. The games of yesterday were mingled with fresh air and the beauty of Mother Nature daily. My family walked everywhere because my dad never owned a car or had a drivers license. We took neighborhood walks all the time as well.
In reflection, on how I was raised enables me to be grateful for the parents I chose and thankful that we honored our contracts. Interesting word ‘contracts’ one might ask! My belief is that I chose my parents to learn from them, which I honestly believe I have. Our contracts equal my life today and all that I was given. Today I believe there was no abandonment as I felt in the past but more that there was a reason for everything.
My look within has taken me to an understanding that my dad and mom sacrificed for me their desires and needs for my growth. My dad was abandoned at a young age, classified suicidal, manic-depressant and alcoholic for the seventy years he was here. In my eyes he was the wisest of men. The torch he handed me to run with was unconditional love, belief in myself and a desire to find my inner wisdom. I learned from this wise man that I called dad that anything is possible and that we are here to help one another and yet society told me he was crazy.
My mom empowered me to be stronger than she could ever be because of her fears which I imagine were all handed down to her. Her gift to me was that we are all one and no one is better than anyone else. I learned to not criticize or judge but to accept everyone as they are.
In this blog, I will share all the believable alternatives that I discovered during my life that has allowed me to nourish myself and grow to who I am today. I look forward to comments and in some way that you reflect on your journey and discover your gifts and lessons learned.
Meditate. Journal. Pray.
Life is a daily existence filled with joy, happiness and relationships. Sometimes sadness, anger and fear stems from the relationships in our life today as well as yesterday. We are a society stressed out by the lives we have manifested. Our fears and loves stem from that which happened in our past. Many of us have been victims of mental or physical abuse at one time. We have struggled with abandonment, depression and deep despair. The variety of thoughts that no longer serve us originated in our childhood. Our inner child needs to be comforted, held close and feel loved.
We choose many paths in life on this amazing journey. Still the echoes of yesterday get triggered by others. It is a recurring stress factor in most lives. As we mature into the adults we are destined to be, we look to heal ourselves. There are many self-help books, prayers, meditations, workshops, retreats and mentors that we seek out. The many different avenues we try only lead us to the next one. Personally, I pray, meditate, journal, read spiritual books, use aromatherapy and music daily. In the past I have been to workshops and retreats and have held my own. In learning it is best to share with others. I consider myself a ‘way-shower.’ I have been inspired this past year to embrace adult coloring. In doing so, I have held two adult coloring workshops as well.
It becomes a healing and release for our inner child when we delve calming into the page and color. The simplicity of its memory hugs us from deep within as we forget the world. The action of colored pencil or gel pen stroking the page is a distant memory of our youth. A time in our lives of just being one with an action that was ours and ours alone. The beauty we witnessed as we colored a flower, dog, cat, tree or house. As a child we were able to escape into a world of make believe as we connected to the page we colored.
The benefits of coloring as an adult today is the deep connection to your inner child, it’s meditative, an act of creativity, it will allow you to de-stress and there is a benefit within the action of hand-eye coordination. I find it to be relaxing, fun and my greatest benefit is the silence allows me to join with Spirit. May you take one giant step forward on your path and begin a spiritual practice of coloring daily for at least 20 minutes!
You need to find what works best for you as you enter the world of coloring today as an adult. The morning may be a time of beginning your day by choosing a picture that will set the tone for your day of calmness and being mindful. Try to end your day coloring by unwinding in a relaxed emotional state of mind as you self-soothe.
Pray. Meditate. Journal.