“In youth we learn; in age we understand.” – Marie Ebner-Eschenbach
This morning I opened my eyes and thought of the amazing ride I have been on. I sat up in bed and fell into my morning ritual; I meditated, prayed and contemplated on being sixty-five years old. I’m amazed by this lifetime I have journeyed. My personal ride began with what I labeled as a child of this inner feeling I called, “the blues!” Today I imagine it was just fear as a child that confused me. Being scared, afraid or terrified at a young age was the norm such a long time ago. Still the feelings sit deep within my heart even today. Tears can overflow at the inner conflict for my inner child of yesterday. There was a time I buried her deeply only to discover I could not breathe without her. I realize today that fifteen years ago I embraced her holding on to my eyelids and offered her love. It was time for her to resurface and know her truth. We began a new ride. The memories of my youth are filled with drinking fighting and abusive behavior between my dad and mom. Fear filled our home only because Friday nights dad came home drunk. Mom became embarrassed and totally afraid of him!
I know that I am not the only woman to have grown up in a house with an alcoholic/manic-depressant or fearful/critical parent. In fact, I realize as a child I had no understanding of these types of labels. I did not know the ride would take me through abandonment, abuse, fear, pain, tears, death and lies over and over again. Death is a part of life but sudden unexpected deaths are terrifying at any age. My only brother to die by a drunk driver, my oldest nephew to be murdered then my beloved dad to die of lung cancer. I know that at times there was great laughter and love going up but coming down that roller coaster could almost make me topple over and crash when the fears arose.
“Why be anything other than good? Why do anything other than love!” –Johnathan Dahl
However, here I sit as a whole woman, loved, fulfilled, happy and amazed with gratitude for the experiences of my lifetime. I live a good life! I admit I struggle still today when those I love are unkind, critical or judgmental of one another. It is those times that my inner child comforts me with a memory of me climbing a tree at McCarren Park, swimming at Coney Island or just drinking Mountain Dew and eating pretzels on the stoop. It was the simplicity of yesterday that encourages me to love unconditional. I’m thrilled with the joyous memories of my childhood today because those were the moments that pushed me forward. The fearful dark memories are drifting further and further away from my inner sight.
“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” – Jim Rohn
I blame no one for the ride I chose to take because at this time in my life I believe I am an amazing wife, mother and grandmother. How did I get to this time in my life believing that my life is wonderful? It always comes back to the simple parts of the ride I believe. When my dad was dying he looked at me and said, “I had a wonderful life so don’t cry for me because you are gong to die one day too!” That was in 1998 and finally I get it!
At forty years old he attempted suicide and lived the next thirty years in and out of mental institutions supported and loved by me and my husband for anything he needed. Weekly visits were the norm when he was not hospitalized but living in an adult home facility and happy no matter what. A true loved of Mother Nature he taught me to respect her as well. With forgiveness, acceptance, kindness, unconditional love, and not taking anything personal I made these beliefs my tools. Meditation, prayer and writing in my journal are my supplements to the ride. Knowing I am connected and blessed are my gifts today.
There will always be ups and downs because there is so much to learn in the greatest of classes in life called relationships. To love, hate, fear, and anger are the cornerstones of all relationships until we end any form of confrontation, control, and criticism. There came a time on my journey when the abandonment issues of my mom settled deep within to thug at my heart. After repeated abandonment episodes like her moving to Puerto Rico because her son had died and there was no reason for her to stay in New York I would cringe at her words for a very long time. It was my dad who told me she was not a smart woman and to forgive her. Today I know I am the person I am because of her and that I would not have been able to know my gifts and talents if she remained by my side. Could this have been a contract we agreed on prior to birth?
When I discovered what an amazing ride I have experienced because of the choices and changes I made, I filled with a deep sense of gratitude. At this age I know when I sit and color with gel pens for an hour or so my inner child is happy. If I choose to take a walk, read a good book or practice some yoga poses I have reconnected with the simplicity of life that fills me with joy. When I share my wisdom with others through counseling, workshops, blogging and talking I am being of service. The wisdom we all possess rests deep within and needs to be connected to so that peace can be part of the ride. The time will come when everyone gets the chance to get off their amazing roller coaster ride and live a loving, peaceful existence. Know it is possible as I do! When you exit you will breathe a feeling of contentment and smile as you remark, “what a great ride it has been!”
Meditate! Pray! Journal!
“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”-Leo Tolstoy
As we approach the yearly day set aside to celebrate all the moms in the world, let’s extend love to all the women of the world! As we are born from our mom it is that aspect that we honor. We as women are sacred because we give life, we nurture and nourish. Our bodies are the temple to the children who choose us. How have we forgotten our greatness? How have we forgotten our truth? How did we become victims of a society that we as the temples of life gave birth to?
“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” – Nora Ephron
Being an avid reader and student of life I find it extremely upsetting to be reading the stories of abuse, fear, guilt, shame and women that feel they are victims today because of their relationship with their mother. We are more than that when we accept our truth, live our truth and gather together as community. When we share our stories, we heal. When we forgive ourselves, we heal. When we choose to forgive our moms, we heal. When we honor our moms because within we know they did the best they could, we heal. As a society of healed women our daughters will become the goddesses they are born to be.
“Go ahead unleash your INNER GODDESS today. Embrace all that FABULOSITY that is amazing you…”
Recently, I attended a gathering of women with my youngest daughter that allowed me to heal from that which no longer served me. The simple pain of a mom who did the best she could because of her own mothers fears, allowed me to do even better. I chose to be a conscious mother raising my children. There was an intuitive guidance that I received! A knowing to love unconditionally because I was setting an example. I knew I was being watched. There was this inner belief of mine that I did not own my children and all that was required of me was to listen, support, guide, be present and there for whatever needs were required of me. Even today I have learned that they still need me to be there for them, to simply listen when they need to vent. Being blessed to also be a stay at home mom I loved every aspect of being a mom.
I have been given the greatest of gifts by my children to know I did them well. I gave to them something that I did not receive from my mom but which I am aware today she never received from her mom! I forgive myself for at one time judging her. Today, I forgive her for not being able to do as I needed her to do. I thank her for teaching me to be the mom I am today.
“A Goddess is a Woman Who Breaks The Mold. She’s Who She Wants To Be … And She Offers No Apologies.” -Lisa Marie Rosati
Life seems to be like a Ferris wheel that we all get on as women because of how we were raised. We need to know we can get off the Ferris wheel and remember who we are, not who we have been told to be. As a society we need to love our children especially our daughters unconditionally because they are also the mothers of our grandchildren! As a mother of two sons as well, I am aware of their love for me, and the tenderness and love they possess for the women in their lives. They will be fathers of my granddaughters that will be a goddess of tomorrow! I am witness to the fact that I have done well by them.
“It takes someone really brave to be a mother, Someone strong to raise a child, And someone special to Love someone more than herself. -Lilly
Ask yourself what example of love have you provided to your daughters? Has it been a conditional love of punishment and abuse or an unconditional love of joy, acceptance, support and encouragement! Release that which no longer serves you because it is not your truth. Share your inner being of love with your daughter no matter what it takes from you to release your fears. Be honest when you reflect on what type of mom you are when it comes to your daughter. Maybe it is time to forgive yourself for the choices you made in the past to connect with your daughter again.
“Our daughters are the most precious of our treasures, the dearest possessions of our homes, and the objects of our most watchful love. -Margaret E. Sangster
Born in 1951 I am of the first generation that was not breast-fed due to the invention of formula. Could that have been the beginning of daughters separating from their moms. The relinquishing of truly being nourished at the breast of our mothers because society deemed it healthier to buy formula! I chose to breast feed my children and I am happy to see the young women of today returning to this simple true connection to their babies.
I believe we as women need to return to the belief that we are goddesses. We are perfect in the bodies we have. We truly possess a beauty because we are the temples for life. We must love our temples for we are setting an example for our daughters. There is no women’s body that is too skinny or too fat. Our bodies are beautiful no matter what shape they are in. My motto is to find that which creates freedom of thought.
“Calm and still is the water, no birds are in the air, the sun rises slowly to its peak. Trees stand tall, ever so strong, love is never wrong.” -Linda Amato (1994)
I wish all the women of the world a very happy and loving Goddess Day!
Meditate! Pray! Journal!
My days are filled with a thought that there is a reason for everything. Growing up as a child of an alcoholic father and a detached fearful mother, I have simply did as I have been told for most of my life. Silence was a means of my survival. Today I have discovered a connection to the Spirit world that embraces my silence as a grown woman. I do wonder how I survived in a world that filled me with delight at a young age, as well as, fear.
Why else would I escape into the books of my youth but to dream. How did I never quarrel with my parents or brother, only because I knew there was no need to. There seems to be so much chaos in life today that I am happy I grew up when I did. Alcohol and Fear made me who I am today. I embrace my life that I have lived with lessons learned and peace in my heart. My path has taken me on one amazing journey that I could never have imagined myself. But here I am living a life that is filled with believable alternatives that come from the universe and fills me with belief in a world that I know is truly great. I am safe and all is well.
I have learned of perception recently and how others perceive even me. I find it intriguing and interesting. There are so many emotions I can claim as my own from anger to disgust but why would I today. I have a question that I pull up from the depths of my soul in situations. Simply, “what would God do?” A small but powerful question that places me in the right frame of mind. God would do nothing but love is the answer. I pray to Him to help me to love as He does. To guide me on this journey that is left, free of the ego/personality that no longer serves me.
I would like to add that my love of the written word led me to be an avid reader but the most benefit I ever received was in writing the written word through the act of taking pen to paper for my entire life. Whether it was a journal, story or poetry I wrote. Even this blog releases the doubts in my mind that struggle to fill me with fear or worry but which I have no use for in my world today. I came across some poetry from my past and would like to share the following poem that I wrote in the year 1993. I believe it is appropriate at this time in my life once again.
The pattern of life has been set before our time was ever a question
Can we somehow believe to make a difference with a suggestion
Adults we become, the change we will make.
In the end, all we will feel, is the pain of heartache.
Around and around, year after year, we create an existence.
Only to always believe the world as we know it, needs some assistance.
Kindness and love, can be a special part of this family.
Unfortunately, there is no time to listen to the cries we hear steadily.
There is always tomorrow, but it simply will leave.
Then its too late, the change has not come, so we begin to grieve…
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
Why do we not choose to love in all situations?
As a woman, wife, mother and grandmother I find myself dealing with many different types of personalities that are generated by fear. I believe that we come into this world as loving beings of spirit and our purpose here is to love unconditionally. However, many believe in conditional love which is painful to behold as a child growing up. The essence of conditional love is, “if you do not do what I say, you will be punished.” Growing up in a home of fear myself because of a parent with the addiction of alcoholism I learned to be afraid. I learned to not know who I was or how to act or speak. It was this belief that allowed anger to settle into the core of my being. All I wanted to be was a child but responsibilities were forced on me at a very young age that I did not understand how to react to. A memory at 5 years of age haunts me to the point that at that moment there was no one to protect me but myself. I cringe that at such a young age I chose such a drastic defense pattern.
How does one manage to protect themself in fearful situations?
There are characterologies or what I have learned to also be called defense patterns that we develop at a young age which are not our truth but which we pick to protect ourselves. There are only five defense patterns that we choose at one time or another because of the fears of our childhood.
Schizoid is the first defense pattern which developes before or after birth because of the trauma of a hostile mother. This person evokes intellectualization. The eyes are vacant fixed and scared. The person is hyperactive and ungrounded. The defense action is to leave the body out of the top of their head when triggered as an adult today. The physical build is elongation with right/left imbalances because they are always twisted out of their body. The style of communication is in absolutes. There is a double bind for they believe, “To exist means to die.” This defense pattern demands the right to be and to exist. A schizoid’s mask statement is, “I’ll reject you before you reject me!”To set boundaries are required of this person today.
Oral … developes during babyhood feeding because of the trauma of abandonment. This person evokes mothering. The eyes are pleading like a puppy dog. This person is hypoactive with low energy. The physical build is thin with a collapsed chest. The style of communication is to ask questions. The double bind for this type of person is, “If I ask, it’s not love; if I don’t ask, I won’t get it.” This defense pattern demands the right to be nurtured and fulfilled. An Oral’s mask statement is, “I don’t need you!” This type of person needs to own their needs and stand on their own two feet.
Psychopath .. developes in early childhood because of the trauma of seduction and betrayal by a parent’s untruthfulness. This person evokes submission. Their eyes are compelling. Hyperactivity followed by collapse is the energy of this defense pattern.An inflated chest which makes this person top heavy is a sign of the psychopath. Their choice in communication is to dictate to others. Their double bind is, “Kill or be killed.” This defense pattern demands to be supported and encouraged. The psychopath’s mask statement is, “I’m right; you’re wrong!” This type of person needs to trust.
Masochist … Autonomy stage of growth is when this defense pattern developes because the child is controlled, with forced feeding and evacuation. This person evokes teasing. The eyes are suffering/confused. The physical build is that the head is forward and heavy. The energy level is hypoactive (internalized energy). Whining disgust is how they communicate. The double bind is, “If I get angry, I’ll be humiliated; if I don’t, I’ll be humiliated.” This defense pattern demands to be independent. The masochist’s mask statement is, “I’ll kill (hurt) myself before you do!”It is their need to be assertive, free, and open to spiritual connections.
Rigid … This defense begins in puberty because of sexual denial and betrayal of the heart. This person evokes competition. Sparkling, bright and present are their eyes.Their energy is high and hyperactive. The physical build is a rigid back and their pelvis is tipped back. The choice of communication is as a qualifier. “Either choice is wrong,” is their double bind. This defense pattern demands the right to have feelings (love/sex). The Rigid’s mask statement is, “Yes, but…” Interestingly it is their need to connect the heart to the genitals.
Sexuality… Schizoid/Sex to feel life force, fantasy. Oral/Sex for closeness and contact. Psychopath/Hostile,fragile,homosexual, fantasy. Masochicst/Impotence, strong interest in Pornography. Rigid/Sex with contempt.
The defensive action of these defense patterns are: Schizoid/leaves the body. Oral/life sucks. Psychopath/controls others. Masochist/demands and resists at same time. Rigid/acts appropriately, rather than authentically.
The results of their defensive action are: Schizoid/weaker body. Oral/inability to metabolize own energy. Psychopath/aggression and betrayal/drawn to self. Masochist/dependence; inability to differentiate between self and others. Rigid/inability to experience self; world is false.
The main issue of these defense patterns are: Schizoid/existential terror. Oral/Nurturance. Psychopath/betrayal. Masochist/invasion and theft. Rigid/authenticity, denial of real self.
The fears are: Schizoid/living in human body as an individual. Oral/not enough of anything. Psychopath/letting go and trusting. Masochist/being controlled; loss of self. Rigid/imperfection.
What they have experienced: Schizoid/direct aggression. Oral/lack of nurturance; abandonment. Pschopath/was used and betrayed. Masochist/invaded;humiliated. Rigid/denial of psychological and spiritual reality.
All of these defense patterns are not their truth. This was a means of protecting themself from an adult when young. Today these patterns rise as a means of defense when they are triggered by anothers words or actions. It is a cellular memory that triggers them into their defense. At some point, the child experienced trauma severe enough to begin needing to block their emotions and instead use a defense pattern for dealing with the world.
Personally, I am aware in refletion that I was a psychopathic mother and I would like to apologize to my children because I had to have scared them at times. Please forgive me because I was most likely more afraid than you.
My teacher Deborah King has opened my mind and heart to be accepting of others and to know that how they think, speak and act is a defense when triggered. To not criticize or judge someone but to look for the light within which is their truth. In learning to love oneself opens the door to love others as they are. No one knows how anyone was raised and the pain or fear they experienced. Born as spiritual beings of love and light we must learn from these lessons we chose to experience and educate ourselves on a spiritual path of healing.
Today I feel blessed to be on this amazing journey we call life. I know that there is a reason for everything and that anything is possible. I am in the process of peeling away the onion of my life, layer by layer and releasing the repressed fear, greed, lies, hatred, pride and anger that no longer serves me. All that a child at any age really needs is to know they are loved and protected by their parent. Being a parent is a powerful responsibility!
I would like to forgive my mom for I am positive today that she did the best she could because of the childhood she experienced. She was an extremely fearful woman. I am clueless to how she was raised but she has been one of my greatest teachers and for that I am grateful.
Who do you think you are?
The source of the above information is from my studies with Deborah King and she credits this information from Light Emerging by Barbara Ann Brennan.
MEDITATE. PRAY. JOURNAL
A Spiritual Path into the Journey of Prayer
The definition of the word ‘prayer’ in the Random House College Dictionary states.
Prayer, a devout petition to, or any form of spiritual communion with, God or an object of worship. The act or practice of praying. A formula or sequence of words used in or appointed for praying: the Lord’s Prayer.
I believe our thoughts and words are a form of prayer. We are filled with thoughts that are negative or unhealthy in our mind every day through many different avenues. To become conscious of these thoughts and change them is a form of prayer. Everyone has known some form of prayers from their childhood but may not continue to pray them. Raised as a Catholic, I still pray the Lord’s Prayer, Hail Mary and Glory Be to the Father. However, over the years I have incorporated new prayers that I have picked up on my spiritual journey. I would like to share them with you as well as affirmations that I consider as a form of prayer. When we open our mind, heart and soul to the journey of prayer all our words count. When we pray for guidance we know we are never alone and when we ask for help we receive help. A daily spiritual path into the journey of prayer daily will change your life!
-A Course in Miracles … Father, I come to you today to seek the peace that you alone can give. I come in silence in the quiet of my heart, the deep recesses of my mind, I wait and listen for your voice, my father, speak to me today. I come to hear your voice in silence and in certainty and love sure you will hear my call and answer me.
-Science of Mind … I was told to live by some inner mystic presence. I was told to live and to love, to laugh and to be glad. I was told to be still and know of the one almighty power, in and through all. I was told to let that power work through and in me. I believed that voice and I received my good.
-Daily a.m. practice (Caroline Myss) … I am committed to feeling a bond with each person I meet, to respecting my own integrity and honor, to living within the energy of love and compassion and returning to that energy when I don’t feel it, to making wise and blessed choices with my will, to maintaining perceptions of wisdom and non-judgment, to release the need to know why things happen as they do, and not to project expectations over how I want this day to be and how I want others to be. Finally, my last prayer, to trust the divine. And with that I bless my day with gratitude.
-Entering the Castle (Caroline Myss) … I open myself to divine guidance I surrender myself to become as a channel for grace, healing and service as God directs my life.
-Paramahansa Yogananda … Dear Father, whatever conditions confront me, I know that they represent the next step in my unfoldment. I will welcome all tests because I know that within me is the intelligence to understand and the power to overcome.
-Marianne Williamson … Please Bless my Parents, God. Thank you, thank them for the life they gave to me. For the ways they stumbled and held me back, please help me to forgive them and receive your compensation. May their spirits be blessed, their roads forward made easy. Please release them and release me from my childhood now gone by. Release us also from any bitterness I may still hold. They paved the way, in all that they did, for where I have been has led me here. I surrender my parents to the arms of God. Thank you, dear ones, for your service to me bless your souls. May your spirits fly free. May we enter into the relationship God wills for us. Thank you, Lord, for I am now free. Amen!
-A Comforting Prayer (Sylvia Browne)… May God, our Mother and Father, and the Christ-consciousness always be with us. On this journey, let us keep the White Light of the Holy Spirit around us aways, and even though we have written our chart, may we know that there are miracles. Amen.
-Archangels (Doreen Virtue)… Dear Archangel Michael, thank you for watching over us, our home and our vehicles. Thank you for giving me the courage and confidence to move forward with my divine life purpose. Archangel Michael, what changes would you like to see me make in my life right now? Please clearly guide me upon the path of my life purpose. Dear Archangel Michael, please send me a clear sign that I will easily notice and understand, letting me know you are here and helping me gain guidance and peace.
-Prayer for Peace (St. Francis of Assisi)… Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console. To be understood, as to understand. To be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
-My collection of affirmations ..
- Daily I will seek happiness more and more within my mind and less and less through material pleasure.
- I demand my divine birthright intuitively realizing that all wisdom and power already exists in my soul.
- God is just behind my reason, today and everyday and is guiding me to do the right thing always.
- Perfect peace and poise are mine today, as I concentrate all my power and ability upon expressing the divine will.
- I know that God’s power is limitless; and as I am made in His image, I, too, have the strength to overcome all obstacles.
- I possess the creative power of Spirit.
- The Infinite Intelligence will guide and solve every problem.
- God is my own inexhaustible Divine Bank.
- I am always rich, for I have access to the Cosmic Storehouse.
- I will go forth in perfect faith, in the power of omnipresent good to bring me what I need at the time I need it.
- The sunshine of Divine prosperity has just burst through the dark sky of my limitations.
- I AM God’s child.
- I relax and cast aside all mental burdens allowing God to express through me His perfect love, peace and wisdom.
- I only create peaceful experiences because I love myself.
- All is well.
- I am safe.
- The God-part of my mind gives me a psychic sense of direction each and every day.
- The mystical power of God rules my goals and their realization.
- Harmony surrounds me.
- I AM a center for love.
- I hear love
- I love my life and everyone I share it with daily.
- I AM as God created me.
- I AM love and light.
- I trust the process of life to bring only good to me.
- I AM healthy and whole, body, mind and soul.
- God is Love.
- Love is God.
Pray. Meditate. Journal.
FEEL FREE TO READ, COMMENT AND SHARE…
Here I was in 2003 affirming a new life for myself. Not that my life needed to be different but more like I needed to change my beliefs and step into a new beginning for me. When I heard the call of my soul I awakened to a world that was called by many new age. An interesting term when the truth is that this world that opened for me felt like it was part of my existence. I felt like I was home as I traveled the many avenues offered. In November of this year I experienced a Spiritual Day Spa which was amazing. It was at this spa that I met my mentor and studied with her for one year. She also was a Reiki Master Teacher and Certified Holistic Health Counselor. When the student is ready the teacher will come is how the saying goes. It seemed that I was ready.
Reiki is a 100 year old healing modality where the practitioner uses hand positions over the chakras. The chakras are both connected to the physical organs in our body and the different layers of the aura. Chakra is a Sanskrit word and means “wheel.” A chakra will spin in relation to the energy level of your system. These chakras exist within us all. In the same way that we have a physical body we also have a subtle body. There are seven chakras that start at (1) the base of our spine (2) going up the body to the sacral (3) then our solar plexus (4) to the heart (5), throat (6), brow or third eye (7) the crown. Every chakra has a corresponding organ in our physical system. I always refer to the chakras as the blueprint to our soul. As I discovered a new way of connecting to myself and by receiving Reiki, a shift from the depths of my soul guided me forward.
As I recall these years there were so many teachers that appeared for me in the form of books as I love to read. I actually have a library in my home. My dream ever since I could read and write was to be an author. My entire life I loved the action of taking a pen to paper and putting my thoughts and feelings into a journal. I explored poetry as a form of therapy when I was a young mother.
Here I was with my mentor who also taught me Reiki and led me to the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in NYC. The year was 2004 and in April, I discovered Caroline Myss and read her book Sacred Contracts. I have to take a second to inform you my reader that not only did I read many of these teachers books but I also traveled to their workshops. I laugh as I remember my fears as a Long Island mom traveling into New York City. However, the call of my soul drove me to take one step in front of the other and move forward at my pace.
Remember those little fingertips holding on for dear life when I looked into the mirror, well my inner child was starting to loosen up and let go. She was somehow happier as I traveled this path of my truth. I developed a need to walk at the beach, skip and sing with her. I fed her and she nourished my soul as we reconnected. There was no looking back but I will admit there was fear that I was going somewhere I knew nothing about haunted me. I was a wife and mother and that I knew how to do very well so I allowed that change is growth and I was doing something to create a better me, a wiser me and developing a spirituality that I had forgotten was mine.
Caroline Myss explains in her book Sacred Contracts how you can identify your particular spiritual energies, or archetypes – the gatekeepers of your higher purpose – and use them to help you find out what you are here on earth to learn and whom you are meant to meet. Exploring your Sacred Contract will shine a light on the purpose and meaning of your life. You are meant to do certain tasks, you are meant to have certain relationships.
By the time I was reading this book I had become a Reiki Master myself. Not only does Caroline Myss write of our contracts but she also writes the following about our chakras.
The system of energy centers known as the chakras defines and supports our spiritual life much the way the spinal column – along which they are traditionally located – supports our physical body. Like the stages of a Contract, they too follow a progression that reflects our spiritual development from childhood through maturity. But in a literal sense, the chakras are also connected to the everyday function of our bodies and minds. They regulate everything from our survival instinct, sex drive, and self-esteem to our emotions, intellect, will and spiritual aspirations. A knowledge of how they function and how they help you to function is essential to a complete understanding of your Sacred Contract.
It is the reaction to our life situations I have learned that are capable of filling each and everyone of us with fear or love. My journey to live my truth has been an experience for me to look into all that is possible in life. As I pray I know I am creating a connection to a force that is beyond my wildest imagination to a power within. Releasing my thoughts in a journal is a form of therapy that clears my mind and soul. Meditation takes me into the vast depth within that waits to calm, center and enlighten me.
As I share my story and the journey next and how I became a true believer in the unknown I hope my light shines on you.
Pray. Mediate. Journal.
As I continue writing on the shift of transformation that I was led to I feel blessed to share my journey. After traveling a life experience of loving unconditionally I found that I needed more in life. It was a time when my soul cried out to me. I was led to what I call Part “B” of my journey. A book opened my heart to experience a path that is believable but alternative for many. Yet, in my heart I ached to return to this part of myself.
I did not tread lightly on this new adventure as I flew forward anxious at times and fearful but within I knew I had to move forward. I ask myself always can one book simply allow me to believe as I do today and I must answer it was this one step that led me to walk many steps.
This book that I speak of is by Louis L. Hay and I discovered it in a little quaint bookstore in Woodstock New York. In reading You Can Heal Your Life, I discovered her Philosophy which I embraced with open arms as well as the ability of affirmations to inspire me daily.
Louise L. Hay writes:
We are responsible for all of our experiences. Every thought we think is creating our future. The point of power is always in the present moment. Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt. The bottom line for everyone is, “I’m not good enough.” It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed. We create every so-called illness in our body. Resentment, criticism and guilt are the most damaging patterns. Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer. We must release the past and forgive everyone. We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves. Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive change. When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.
I discovered my inner child hanging tightly on to the lids of my eyes when I looked within. I felt her sadness and despair to survive. Clueless to how my childhood, marriage and life experiences had filled a part of me with sorrow I fell in love with her and in doing so, I began to love me just as I was.
After reading this book I wrote affirmations for twenty-one days for twenty-one times until my thought process changed. I still say the same affirmations today that I began with in 2003 daily.
I trust the process of life to bring only good to me. I am safe. All is well. I am as God created me, a spiritual being of love and light. I only create peaceful experiences because I love myself. I am healthy, happy and whole body, mind and soul. There is time and space for everything.
This 246 page book is what enlightened me to open my heart and believe in me. I had many years of despair, depression and doubt in who I was due to the journey. Death has the way of manifesting a desire to know and understand reasons why everything happens. Abuse makes us look within to wonder why we are treated unkindly. Abandonment makes us wonder why we are not loved. Life has this way of allowing us to experience different emotions and fear no matter who we are. I credit this book to open wide the window of my soul to finally be nourished.
There are many books, classes and workshops I have enjoyed and I look forward to sharing with you the power and process of positive thought, word and action. My teachers have been many and I hope you enjoy the ride with me.
Pray. Meditate. Journal
My role as wife and mom filled me with joy. I imagine as women that stay at home we experience the unique balancing of the stages of our children’s growth process. School, homework, tests, sports, music, dance and the many ways we need to beat the clock daily. Yet we survive it all. Dating today has amazed me raising four children as I never dated but have been with my husband since the 7th grade. Definitely different times. I have one rule and that is who they love I love.
As I witness the expansion of my family with marriage and babies I realize that generationally we are all raised in different surroundings. As such, no one can comprehend another’s childhood and acceptance is needed. Acceptance and love allows us to not be critical or judgmental. This I strive for in my life. I believe the soul aches to be nourished as we enter into all relationships. it matters not who we are in relationship with we are all given the choice of how we react to them. Love needs to be the foundation in all relationships not just for babies or our pets. When we strive for excellence others will also.
When my youngest daughter at seventeen and she left for college my life shifted. It was a time of deep reflection for me as motherhood responsibilities were eliminated. Three of my children moved out of the home at this time and the tears began to fall. I questioned why I had not prepared for this moment. With a deep ache in my heart I prayed to know where I was headed. The word “share” became part of my vocabulary. As a mom for twenty-four years at this point in time, I had shared my love, time, and wisdom with my children. Now what? It is in these times of emotional sadness where we are rewarded with our purpose. An avid book person and a daily woman who took pen to paper, I discovered God definitely had a plan for me.
Visiting my daughter in Arizona at ASU I began to read the book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. The date was October 10, 2003! The definition of transformation is the act or process of transforming; the state of being transformed..
The purpose of my existence has been to love and be loved. I never questioned any other way of being. I simply knew to love. It mattered not the situation or how I was treated my choice was to love. At times when fear crept into my world I wrote poetry or took to my journal to make sense of others in my life being unkind. When I became a mother thirty-eight years ago the meaning of my being here was confirmed. To nurture and nourish with unconditional love was the key that unlocked the despair from yesterday.
There was a part of me that understood the natural essence of life and how to provide with my body through natural childbirth and breast feeding a cord that would sustain us both. This wonder in my first son was a miracle with my husband that we would create a total of four times. The memories I have stored away that I treasure from the very moment I met these babies has sustained me to know my purpose. I believe that they set the stage for what I do today in more ways than one can imagine. As a single mom my children kept me sane. I realized early that I never owned them and that I was simply the means of their existence and foundation.
I deeply loved the responsibilities that came with this new title I proudly wore that I was chosen to be the mother of Tory, Tina, Nicholas and Jessica. Dinner time was family time where we gathered together to share our day and to laugh. You may wonder if there was conflict, rebellion and disagreement between these siblings and society. I fool you not and share that we existed as a family bonded by a mother that saw no wrong in her children. Boundaries were a key ingredient in their world as they grew up. Do not think that they did not call to my attention the judgmental and critical attitude of their teachers. Still, I stood firm in my belief in my children no matter what.
Children learn by love and support which they received abundantly. Who they have grown to be in essence as husband, father, wife and mother is critical to how they were raised. The two youngest ones who are not married yet still have time to choose how they will approach the world of being a spouse or parent.
What they have accomplished today is their freedom to live in a world where many have fallen victim to drugs. Is this the reality of a society that has fallen victim to substances, due to the fact of pain, choice or a prearranged contract? Why does one choose to be addicted and another not? Only God knows the answer to that.
In reality, I am a child of an alcoholic but I chose not to be one. Is there a lesson here that I simply learned that I grasped at a young age? Can it be that what I was witness to was part of the plan? As we are all children at one time raised by our parents very early on, I wonder who is the teacher and who is the student?
Today as I blog my baby has turned thirty years old. I am amazed at how time is the one thing we can not stop or change or return to in our reality of life. Time does not wait for anyone. Children will grow up with or without love I imagine. Although I do believe as a mom that my greatest and only reason for being is to love these children under all circumstances.
Who I am today on this path that I travel is because of them, my husband and my parents. Many have travelled along with me and some have stayed while others ventured away. Know that we are all here to light the way for another with love.
Transformation is next…
Pray. Meditate. Journal.
The innocence of my life was that I loved. The path of my life has led me on a journey that I never questioned or wondered about. Placing one step in front of the other I walked forward trusting and believing in my destiny. I imagine at times that fear gripped me and tried to delay that which I needed to learn by the power of my ego to fill my head because of the situation of my home life. The journey has a way of allowing us to stumble at times and pick ourselves up and move forward on this path we call life.
Raised in to believe in God, I went to Catholic school where real nuns in black dresses and huge rosary beads put fear and belief in sin in everyone. That I loved was simply my foundation of being taught to be a good girl. The rituals of my religion I embraced with open arms. Prayer, church and confession were weekly if not sometimes daily. Somehow when I was younger the air on Sunday was different to me. The sounds and people on a Sunday were different, as well. I cannot explain it but Sunday was a holy day and a family day. The silence in the air I imagine today was because no one worked and all the stores were closed. It was peaceful to go to the Avenue and find that every store was closed. This was a time when there were no malls imagine that! My dad would go to the bakery and after church we had cheese Danishes and apple turnovers. When I was older and no longer in Catholic school I skipped church and walked the Avenue. Once in high school there was no one to answer to and the taste of freedom too great. Needless to say, I held fast to my prayers but the rituals of my childhood slipped away. I was too busy now.
What does the word love really mean? Love in the dictionary states a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend. Such innocence of affection led me to marry my childhood boyfriend and begin one amazing ride. We grew up during these past forty-four years together in our marriage. We truly lived an existence that was separate at times and filled with emotion at others. I was taught by my parents as he was taught by his about how to be in a relationship. I cannot speak for his childhood because I was not living in his home. Mine although briefly described prior to this page, I saw a father who cherished his wife although he scared her to death because of his addictions. It was this witnessing of separation between them as my brother and I went with my dad everywhere and during the last thirty years of his life it was I who spent time with him and cherished him. My mom’s detachment due to fear of him and me allowed her to favor my brother so the lesson I learned was to favor no one. My husband and I had created a separate existence through the years while raising four children. I find this interesting to realize today because our roles somehow reflected a part of our own upbringing.
Blessed to be a stay at home mom it was my husband who has provided everything for our family. His drive and desires enabled us to live a life filled with abundance. A man of many talents he is a builder of homes today because he started his journey in construction but at one time he owned and ran two restaurants, a resale automobile business and a record label, as well as, being a manager for our daughter’s singing career.
Still I wonder always when did the innocence leave. Is it simply part of living at this time on planet earth that somehow, somewhere more became a requirement to exist. Why did we choose to go further than our parents in every way? Was it offered to us because of our education, beliefs or simply the fact that change and growth is part of the plan for everyone. An example I think of was that I grew up without a car. At one time we had seven cars in our home. Another would be; I grew up with a telephone only in the kitchen. Our house had one in every bedroom and there were five, living room and even in our master bathroom which brought it to a total of eight. Is this all considered progress, want or necessity.
Now that we are alone in our large house we have only one television in the living room and we have downsized to five telephones and three cars. My life is abundant and yes I am grateful beyond words for the ride i have been allowed to experience. My yesterdays have taken me to a place of deep understanding that there is a reason for everything and there are no mistakes ever in life.
To come … the children!
Pray. Meditate. Journal
In reflection, I would like to write that my life has been just like yours if you have been raised in a home with an alcoholic or fearful and detached parent. I was blessed being born in 1951 with a simple existence of not knowing how another friend of mine lived. Being clueless of what went on in someones home, therefore, I was not aware that my family life was anything but perfect. The word dysfunctional did not enter my mind until I was a mom myself and searching for my path.
Stories that I have are many but they are in the past where they belong. I married young to my 7th grade sweetheart. We grew up together and in doing so we just put one foot in front of the other and here we are forty-four years later. Proud parents of four amazing children and five delicious grand babies. We never planned, we never spoke of money, never traveled and we never ever involved our parents in our life.
I believe that my parents generation were extremely close to theirs because they were breast fed. There was a deep sense of family and it was a time where family all lived within the same neighborhood. The bond between mother and child is secure in the aspect of nourishing the baby with ones own body. I was not breast fed nor were most of my generation because of formula being invented. Please share your thoughts on this aspect whether you were breast fed or not. It is an interesting concept I feel that breast feeding connects the child in a different way compared to a bottle fed baby and it is that simplicity to life that we need to connect back to. Of course, it is different today because most babies are breast fed. I started having babies in 1977 and my last was born in 1985 and I enjoyed the comfort, touch and bond I felt by breast feeding. There are exceptions to everything in life and our choices as parents have a deep well of power when it comes to our children.
I look back on the fact that my dad only went to the 6th grade, as well as, my mom. It was a time for them to have their dreams and desires but unable to manifest that which would propel them to a life of joy. Love was the key to their existence. I believe love is the basis and foundation as well as the purpose we are here. He worked nights up until he was 40 years old when he had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide. It was then that a shift developed within my family life that took me into the minds of the mentally ill at the age of eighteen. He lived another thirty years in and out of psychiatric hospitals and different adult homes. Then right after I married at twenty, my mom divorced him and he became my responsibility until his death of lung cancer at seventy.
Dad had a deep love and connection to Mother Nature. He walked everywhere, he loved the beach and going to indoor pools in the winter. He loved music and the movies. He was a simple but wise man to me. He loved being outside in a park or just walking through the streets. He walked everywhere.
My mom the fearful one never journeyed with us out into the streets of our neighborhood or New York City, nor did she swim with us. It was always as far back as I can remember my dad, brother and me. Of course, there were drunken episodes and I make light of them because I never feared my dad. I feared for him. Today, I realize my moms fear of my dad when in a drunken state kept her at home where she could be safe for awhile.
I am blessed to understand the past of my parents life and mine had reason and purpose. Truly I think back on these memories with love and know that my parents did the best that they could.
I shared a life journey with my parents that I continue to respect even today. I honor them in the best way that I am capable of by taking the gifts that I received from them and with love I share them through the written word and being fearless.
Innocence, love and marriage is coming…
Pray. Journal. Meditate.
Today I reflect on my life and all that I have experienced. Who am I? Where am I gong? How did I get to this page? The questions of my mind are constant and fill me with comfort. It has been a journey. Remarkable – yes! It seems it has been my path to live by choice to discover and heal from the experiences of yesterday.
Interesting word ‘heal,’ what do I need to heal from? An interesting question to ponder. Growing up in the charm of a simple life mixed with alcoholism and mental illness helped me to get here I believe. I was clueless of fear or that something was wrong growing up. After all, I was a child who loved to read and write. I wanted to grow up to be a teacher. The words of yesterday were completely different to the ones many of us use today. I can imagine how filled with fear the children are today to hear of the labels we as a society constantly speak of; drugs, addictions, anger, war, death and fear.
I was blessed to be an at home mom and play with my children conscious of our time together. In the future will the absence of parents today because of money issues and children being raised outside of their home by others show us one day of a misplaced void in life. Can the mass amount of toys and electronics stop the desire for imagination to develop so a child can find who they want to be.
The simplicity of yesterday for me had been reading, writing, coloring, playing with dolls, going to the park, swimming and playing outside, riding a bicycle and watching my brother play stick ball or stoop ball. The games of yesterday were mingled with fresh air and the beauty of Mother Nature daily. My family walked everywhere because my dad never owned a car or had a drivers license. We took neighborhood walks all the time as well.
In reflection, on how I was raised enables me to be grateful for the parents I chose and thankful that we honored our contracts. Interesting word ‘contracts’ one might ask! My belief is that I chose my parents to learn from them, which I honestly believe I have. Our contracts equal my life today and all that I was given. Today I believe there was no abandonment as I felt in the past but more that there was a reason for everything.
My look within has taken me to an understanding that my dad and mom sacrificed for me their desires and needs for my growth. My dad was abandoned at a young age, classified suicidal, manic-depressant and alcoholic for the seventy years he was here. In my eyes he was the wisest of men. The torch he handed me to run with was unconditional love, belief in myself and a desire to find my inner wisdom. I learned from this wise man that I called dad that anything is possible and that we are here to help one another and yet society told me he was crazy.
My mom empowered me to be stronger than she could ever be because of her fears which I imagine were all handed down to her. Her gift to me was that we are all one and no one is better than anyone else. I learned to not criticize or judge but to accept everyone as they are.
In this blog, I will share all the believable alternatives that I discovered during my life that has allowed me to nourish myself and grow to who I am today. I look forward to comments and in some way that you reflect on your journey and discover your gifts and lessons learned.
Meditate. Journal. Pray.
Life is a daily existence filled with joy, happiness and relationships. Sometimes sadness, anger and fear stems from the relationships in our life today as well as yesterday. We are a society stressed out by the lives we have manifested. Our fears and loves stem from that which happened in our past. Many of us have been victims of mental or physical abuse at one time. We have struggled with abandonment, depression and deep despair. The variety of thoughts that no longer serve us originated in our childhood. Our inner child needs to be comforted, held close and feel loved.
We choose many paths in life on this amazing journey. Still the echoes of yesterday get triggered by others. It is a recurring stress factor in most lives. As we mature into the adults we are destined to be, we look to heal ourselves. There are many self-help books, prayers, meditations, workshops, retreats and mentors that we seek out. The many different avenues we try only lead us to the next one. Personally, I pray, meditate, journal, read spiritual books, use aromatherapy and music daily. In the past I have been to workshops and retreats and have held my own. In learning it is best to share with others. I consider myself a ‘way-shower.’ I have been inspired this past year to embrace adult coloring. In doing so, I have held two adult coloring workshops as well.
It becomes a healing and release for our inner child when we delve calming into the page and color. The simplicity of its memory hugs us from deep within as we forget the world. The action of colored pencil or gel pen stroking the page is a distant memory of our youth. A time in our lives of just being one with an action that was ours and ours alone. The beauty we witnessed as we colored a flower, dog, cat, tree or house. As a child we were able to escape into a world of make believe as we connected to the page we colored.
The benefits of coloring as an adult today is the deep connection to your inner child, it’s meditative, an act of creativity, it will allow you to de-stress and there is a benefit within the action of hand-eye coordination. I find it to be relaxing, fun and my greatest benefit is the silence allows me to join with Spirit. May you take one giant step forward on your path and begin a spiritual practice of coloring daily for at least 20 minutes!
You need to find what works best for you as you enter the world of coloring today as an adult. The morning may be a time of beginning your day by choosing a picture that will set the tone for your day of calmness and being mindful. Try to end your day coloring by unwinding in a relaxed emotional state of mind as you self-soothe.
Pray. Meditate. Journal.
My journey this lifetime has been one amazing ride. At times I feel I don’t know myself or that I question how I believe as I do. I feel filled with a vast supply of love which can only be expressed by me as unconditional. My past has struggled, stumbled and attacked me in many ways however, today I know that which filled me with despair was a lesson to learn from.
As an avid reader my entire life I realize every book I have ever read had its purpose on my journey. My path is scattered with books from biographies, religions, self-help, fiction and non-fiction but I treasure the stories on spirituality today more than any other. These are the books that whisper to me during the day, at night and in my dreams. I have learned to heal the wounded inner child of my past through these books.
Living Beyond The Five Senses is such a book that needs to be read by anyone who wants to know their path to becoming the spiritual being you were born to remember. Know that there is a reason for everything and that there are no accidents. Teresa L. DeCicco writes, “the simple act of noticing one’s own thoughts is a big step toward transforming spiritually.” I give this book 5stars.
Pray. Meditate. Journal.
My Article …
The Walk We Walk on EzineArticles.com will enable you to know of the two emotions that control our choices in life. That love is our truth and fear is simply an illusion. I imagine many of us struggle with love on a daily basis because of the circumstances we have experienced growing up. Fear is familiar and we cling to it as an emotion we are comfortable with. Love was not a constant in many of our lives growing up so we ache for it. It is a struggle to understand why someone who claims to love you, simply fears you. In doing so, abuse, abandonment and attack is shared daily. Have we become a society of fearful humans, I wonder? What is the meaning of love for you?
Love for me means that constant gut feeling that says I know I am loved because I love myself. With that belief I embrace and love all because I am witness to the fears of yesterday that embody who they believe they are. We all have relationships in life but know it matters not who they are with but how we feel when we are with them. The emotion must never be fear!
Please click on the link below to continue reading …
Pray. Meditate. Journal