Franco, Jameson, Hunter James & Hudson
As we approach the yearly celebration of all Mothers this Sunday, I am amazed at the passing of time and the beauty of becoming a grandmother. I have travelled a journey filled with discovery of who I personally came here to be. I was a little girl once and I adored my mother but even at a young age I was aware of her favoritism for my brother and her fear of me. How did I at 8 years of age know this? Today I know, we are spiritual beings with an instinct that we deny maybe because we are in denial of our power or scared ourselves to imagine the truth we carry in our heart about our mother because a mother’s greatest part in life is to love her children unconditionally.
I imagine today as I reflect on yesterday’s lessons I learned from my mom that she learned all she knew from her mother and was not aware that she could make changes or think for herself. She was raised in a family of nine and has confided in me that her mom favored her brothers! An Aha … moment for me! My mom twenty-two years ago was the grandmother to 7 grandchildren when she decided to return to live in Puerto Rico where she was born. It was then when I began to travel yearly on her birthday to be with her.
I, today have four exciting, amazing, spirited, beautiful and loving grand babies. She has never met any of them! As I have written in prior blogs about her, she suffers from dementia for some time now. I have sent her albums of pictures but I have to imagine and believe she has some kind of recollection at least of me in these pictures. Dementia is a sad and hurtful part of my life because I chalk it up to once again feeling abandoned by her. I forgive her for yesterday! I forgive her for today! I love her, she is my mom!
I am blessed with four grand babies under the age of four and I am filled with a need, a desire, a depth so deep within me to know these babies as I know my own children. As a mother of four brilliant young adults and four brilliant grand babies I am grateful for all that I learned from my mother but I am thankful that I knew to make some adjustments to what she believed and to grow into a mother who loves unconditionally each one of them as they are … with no favoritism.
I watch my daughter with her son and fill with this inner essence of knowing that I did a good job. I am astonished that my daughter is celebrating her first mother’s day and I am proud that she has grown into the women, daughter, wife and mother she is. Her love runs deep and I tell her to imagine that I love her more than she loves her Franco only because I know her longer. Although he has stolen our hearts in 10 1/2 short months I know there is so much down this path that he will gift us with on his own journey. I will be there for every moment, I promise! These years of being a mother and now a grandmother are the best part of my life experience which I treasure.
On the other side of the coin I have a daughter-in-law who is the mother to the other two boys and one girl. Blessed again to know such a woman as she, am I! The oldest Hunter, being four, stole just a piece of my heart until I gave a piece to Hudson when he arrived, as well as, a piece for Franco and then Jameson. My heart expands for these grand babies in a way that I could never have thought possible. I call them all my babies because I am aware of the generational blessing that has brought us all together as a FAMILY. There will be so many more babies for me to love in the future that I am jumping for joy already.
Motherhood is that which can fill one’s children with love or fear. May those who are reading this as daughter or son, mother or grandmother or even if you are a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, know the power you possess and know your mother did or is still doing the best she knows how. We must forgive that which no longer serves any of us. Respect for your mother no matter what is key to your own happiness. Let go and Let God!