LA BELIEVES …
My Inner Child
I wonder if at any given time during a persons life experience can the issues of their parents despair resurface?
Can abandonment be heredity?
Can anger be a seed planted to grow from generation to generation?
Aren’t we all One destined to experience a consciousness as One?
Does it not matter the love and support in ones life?
Why do most of us choose the fear and disappointment to cling to?
Why do we choose fear and not Love in most situations?
Why if fear which stems from the Ego and Love from God – do we gravitate towards fear?
What is this attachment we have to fear?
Do we gift our children on their journeys with our fears, unhealed wounds and personal negative beliefs for them to discover their truth?
Is it required that we heal first so they be healed?
What is God’s plan really for everyone?
I fell asleep the other night thinking of my mom. I miss her. I read a long time ago that you are never to go longer than two weeks from seeing your mom. I haven’t seen my mom in 2 years and 3 months. I have spoken to her on the telephone but she has no clue who IAM. Her choices in life have affected mine ever since I can remember. Sadly, there is nothing I can do now that she has dementia. Still I miss her. I miss a woman I never got to know!
It seems that the children of today are reminding me of my childhood at this time. While driving the other day, I imagined I saw her – my inner child jumping for joy and happy. However, I remember a time in the past when she hung on for dear life to survive the despair she suffered from. Today though she is healed from yesterday by the simple act of my acceptance of those I journey this life experience with. Throw in my belief that love is key and anything is possible.
The woman IAM today carries a sadness for the children of today. Many suffer from addictions to drug, alcohol and money. All suffer from the need to be acknowledged for who they are and all that they do. They lack the ability to just be themselves. They are not aware of their power, passion or purpose in life. We as a society are responsible for their belief in needing more, expecting more and at times demanding their right to have more which has wounded them to the depths of their soul. We as a society have forgotten that the best in life is the simplest. A sunrise, sunset, a walk, a hug, laughter or even just a kind word. To be giving without wanting anything in return.
Raised by parents that had very little schooling I have to write today that I had a good childhood. Especially, because back then I was not aware of the labels of society that characterize us into groups today. (My thoughts were that my daddy is acting funny, mommy says he is drunk and mommy and brother are afraid of him, so I have to take care of him.) Something so small separated our family in half. Divided we became – my father and me, my mom and brother. I found through my entire life I could talk to my dad about anything but not my mom. Why? I was told by my dad at ten years of age that my mom was afraid of me. (My ego puffed up that day!) Today it makes sense, as she feared him eventually she came to fear me. No one took the time to ask me if I was afraid though. I had to be afraid at one time because I was a small child. But in my heart I know I was a child who did as she was told period. It was how it was. Children listened to their parents. Catholic school also put the fear of God into me. I felt abandoned by my mom my entire life but did not know the word was abandonment more like I was unloved or unwanted. I had this inner ache that made me feel ‘blue’ at an early age.
I believe today that the hardest obstacles on everyones path is releasing the past no matter how terrible it was and moving away from the fears and pain. To accept and forgive whatever happened no matter what because it has happened and cannot be changed. To now be responsible for ourselves by forgiving what has filled us with despair yesterday. To know we are not to blame because another projected onto us their fears. We CAN choose everyday who we want to be, how we want to be and whether we want to be happy. Everyday is a new day, a beginning, a day away from yesterday that will manifest into tomorrow.
I know that IAM blessed today. I have changed from yesterday but still I travel a path IAM not sure of. IAM searching for what? I ask myself, when will this feeling end? I go back and forth in my mind…should I, could I,would I? What do I want? Who do I want to be?
I believe IAM returning to a part of me from another life. At this age IAM traveling to discover the depths of my soul. At one time I thought I had arrived but this path is long and filled with lessons so I must simply take one day at a time. I surrender.
Pray, Meditate, Journal…
Me and Mom…