IAM GRATEFUL …
Being thankful and filled with gratitude at this time of year also comes with a bit of sadness for many. This past week I found myself a bit emotional while driving in my car. A song on the radio reminded me of my dad who has been gone since 1998. Thoughts filled my head that Thanksgiving day was my brother’s favorite holiday but he’s been gone since 1988. I think of my mom who stopped making his favorite stuffing that year and has dementia now and has drifted away from me as well. I allow the emotions to fill me up as tears fall knowing that there is nothing I can do about their choices in life. I write the word ‘choices’ because I read once that all deaths are considered a form of suicide because we manifest and create our lives by our thoughts, words and actions. I breathe in, take a moment to send them all my love. Yes, I miss them. Yes, I do wish they were here. Still I take the memories stored deep in my heart and smile at the ride I have been on.
My life is full with unbelievable abundance as I will share my home with those who are my family and friends. I have an amazing group of characters in my life and they bless me because I laugh with them, cry and fill with love for each one. I have been led down this path of acceptance and it comforts me to know that IAM not responsible for another’s actions. We all have free will and allowed to choose for ourselves how we want to be portrayed to others. I bless everyone with a small thought today to be a being of love during this time of being thankful and gathering with family and friends.
My oldest son has given me the gift of another daughter to love and three beautiful grandchildren. My mind fills with the memory of my life as a mom all those years ago and I wonder how did I do it all. Being a mom is a great gift but also emotional and at times filled with struggle.
My oldest daughter has blessed me with another son to love as well and a beautiful grandson. I watch her and see myself. My God, she has become me. It’s true! She is calmer and enjoying her son, husband and home which is all I can ask for. We as daughters either fight to be different then our mom or just like her. I see through the eyes of a deep well of love that there is a tiny part of my heart in all my children.
At this time my younger son who has never left home is following his heart to move out and expand his soul. I gather my thoughts around this and fill with an emotion that I shall now be where I started 42 years ago … just me and my husband. We have come full circle! The silence in the home is welcomed but at the same time the echo of their laughter and voices will always fill me up. A mother never forgets the simplicity of their child while they nursed them, held and hugged them. Those are life long moments that I shall always treasure.
My youngest daughter is the bravest of all my children as she has chosen a path of being of service and traveling far from all of us and now lives in California. Sometimes as a mom all I had to do was listen, support and say ‘yes’ to them. Of course I mixed in love to let them know how perfect they all are in their own way. My little girl amazes me the most because she is living a life connected to her soul’s passion and purpose. I wonder if I had anything to do with that?
IAM grateful that they all chose me as their mom. I know I have my memories to carry on my path forward and I pray somehow they too remember the fun, laughter, joy and love I embraced them with all those years ago and still do.
I marvel at these amazing people that surround me and help me to live my truth and expand my soul by the lessons I learn from them still. I know they have literally been gifts and on loan for me but every night I smile when I remember the joy that I have spoken to each of my four that day.
Rituals, traditions, gathering together with people who have been there through the years is my greatest reason for being filled with gratitude. IAM abundant! I have been blessed with an amazing mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-laws, brother-in-law and nieces and nephews, as well as, friends. I would like to take this time to thank them for all the years we shared the holidays through the happy and sad times. I love you all.
Pray. Meditate. Journal.