In reflection, I would like to write that my life has been just like yours if you have been raised in a home with an alcoholic or fearful and detached parent. I was blessed being born in 1951 with a simple existence of not knowing how another friend of mine lived. Being clueless of what went on in someones home, therefore, I was not aware that my family life was anything but perfect. The word dysfunctional did not enter my mind until I was a mom myself and searching for my path.
Stories that I have are many but they are in the past where they belong. I married young to my 7th grade sweetheart. We grew up together and in doing so we just put one foot in front of the other and here we are forty-four years later. Proud parents of four amazing children and five delicious grand babies. We never planned, we never spoke of money, never traveled and we never ever involved our parents in our life.
I believe that my parents generation were extremely close to theirs because they were breast fed. There was a deep sense of family and it was a time where family all lived within the same neighborhood. The bond between mother and child is secure in the aspect of nourishing the baby with ones own body. I was not breast fed nor were most of my generation because of formula being invented. Please share your thoughts on this aspect whether you were breast fed or not. It is an interesting concept I feel that breast feeding connects the child in a different way compared to a bottle fed baby and it is that simplicity to life that we need to connect back to. Of course, it is different today because most babies are breast fed. I started having babies in 1977 and my last was born in 1985 and I enjoyed the comfort, touch and bond I felt by breast feeding. There are exceptions to everything in life and our choices as parents have a deep well of power when it comes to our children.
I look back on the fact that my dad only went to the 6th grade, as well as, my mom. It was a time for them to have their dreams and desires but unable to manifest that which would propel them to a life of joy. Love was the key to their existence. I believe love is the basis and foundation as well as the purpose we are here. He worked nights up until he was 40 years old when he had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide. It was then that a shift developed within my family life that took me into the minds of the mentally ill at the age of eighteen. He lived another thirty years in and out of psychiatric hospitals and different adult homes. Then right after I married at twenty, my mom divorced him and he became my responsibility until his death of lung cancer at seventy.
Dad had a deep love and connection to Mother Nature. He walked everywhere, he loved the beach and going to indoor pools in the winter. He loved music and the movies. He was a simple but wise man to me. He loved being outside in a park or just walking through the streets. He walked everywhere.
My mom the fearful one never journeyed with us out into the streets of our neighborhood or New York City, nor did she swim with us. It was always as far back as I can remember my dad, brother and me. Of course, there were drunken episodes and I make light of them because I never feared my dad. I feared for him. Today, I realize my moms fear of my dad when in a drunken state kept her at home where she could be safe for awhile.
I am blessed to understand the past of my parents life and mine had reason and purpose. Truly I think back on these memories with love and know that my parents did the best that they could.
I shared a life journey with my parents that I continue to respect even today. I honor them in the best way that I am capable of by taking the gifts that I received from them and with love I share them through the written word and being fearless.
Innocence, love and marriage is coming…
Pray. Journal. Meditate.