The purpose of my existence has been to love and be loved. I never questioned any other way of being. I simply knew to love. It mattered not the situation or how I was treated my choice was to love. At times when fear crept into my world I wrote poetry or took to my journal to make sense of others in my life being unkind. When I became a mother thirty-eight years ago the meaning of my being here was confirmed. To nurture and nourish with unconditional love was the key that unlocked the despair from yesterday.
There was a part of me that understood the natural essence of life and how to provide with my body through natural childbirth and breast feeding a cord that would sustain us both. This wonder in my first son was a miracle with my husband that we would create a total of four times. The memories I have stored away that I treasure from the very moment I met these babies has sustained me to know my purpose. I believe that they set the stage for what I do today in more ways than one can imagine. As a single mom my children kept me sane. I realized early that I never owned them and that I was simply the means of their existence and foundation.
I deeply loved the responsibilities that came with this new title I proudly wore that I was chosen to be the mother of Tory, Tina, Nicholas and Jessica. Dinner time was family time where we gathered together to share our day and to laugh. You may wonder if there was conflict, rebellion and disagreement between these siblings and society. I fool you not and share that we existed as a family bonded by a mother that saw no wrong in her children. Boundaries were a key ingredient in their world as they grew up. Do not think that they did not call to my attention the judgmental and critical attitude of their teachers. Still, I stood firm in my belief in my children no matter what.
Children learn by love and support which they received abundantly. Who they have grown to be in essence as husband, father, wife and mother is critical to how they were raised. The two youngest ones who are not married yet still have time to choose how they will approach the world of being a spouse or parent.
What they have accomplished today is their freedom to live in a world where many have fallen victim to drugs. Is this the reality of a society that has fallen victim to substances, due to the fact of pain, choice or a prearranged contract? Why does one choose to be addicted and another not? Only God knows the answer to that.
In reality, I am a child of an alcoholic but I chose not to be one. Is there a lesson here that I simply learned that I grasped at a young age? Can it be that what I was witness to was part of the plan? As we are all children at one time raised by our parents very early on, I wonder who is the teacher and who is the student?
Today as I blog my baby has turned thirty years old. I am amazed at how time is the one thing we can not stop or change or return to in our reality of life. Time does not wait for anyone. Children will grow up with or without love I imagine. Although I do believe as a mom that my greatest and only reason for being is to love these children under all circumstances.
Who I am today on this path that I travel is because of them, my husband and my parents. Many have travelled along with me and some have stayed while others ventured away. Know that we are all here to light the way for another with love.
Transformation is next…
Pray. Meditate. Journal.