My days are filled with a thought that there is a reason for everything. Growing up as a child of an alcoholic father and a detached fearful mother, I have simply did as I have been told for most of my life. Silence was a means of my survival. Today I have discovered a connection to the Spirit world that embraces my silence as a grown woman. I do wonder how I survived in a world that filled me with delight at a young age, as well as, fear.
Why else would I escape into the books of my youth but to dream. How did I never quarrel with my parents or brother, only because I knew there was no need to. There seems to be so much chaos in life today that I am happy I grew up when I did. Alcohol and Fear made me who I am today. I embrace my life that I have lived with lessons learned and peace in my heart. My path has taken me on one amazing journey that I could never have imagined myself. But here I am living a life that is filled with believable alternatives that come from the universe and fills me with belief in a world that I know is truly great. I am safe and all is well.
I have learned of perception recently and how others perceive even me. I find it intriguing and interesting. There are so many emotions I can claim as my own from anger to disgust but why would I today. I have a question that I pull up from the depths of my soul in situations. Simply, “what would God do?” A small but powerful question that places me in the right frame of mind. God would do nothing but love is the answer. I pray to Him to help me to love as He does. To guide me on this journey that is left, free of the ego/personality that no longer serves me.
I would like to add that my love of the written word led me to be an avid reader but the most benefit I ever received was in writing the written word through the act of taking pen to paper for my entire life. Whether it was a journal, story or poetry I wrote. Even this blog releases the doubts in my mind that struggle to fill me with fear or worry but which I have no use for in my world today. I came across some poetry from my past and would like to share the following poem that I wrote in the year 1993. I believe it is appropriate at this time in my life once again.
The pattern of life has been set before our time was ever a question
Can we somehow believe to make a difference with a suggestion
Adults we become, the change we will make.
In the end, all we will feel, is the pain of heartache.
Around and around, year after year, we create an existence.
Only to always believe the world as we know it, needs some assistance.
Kindness and love, can be a special part of this family.
Unfortunately, there is no time to listen to the cries we hear steadily.
There is always tomorrow, but it simply will leave.
Then its too late, the change has not come, so we begin to grieve…
Meditate. Pray. Journal.