Here we go again…
We all need to STOP and pay attention to our lives, the dreams we dream and the joy and happiness that we can manifest on a daily basis. It can be the ‘lil things’ that place a laugh in our throat, a smile on our lips or an opening of our hearts. The wonder of life surrounds us in the ‘lil things’ and our imagination can comfort us when our light seems to dim.
It may sound silly but my favorite car is the Volkswagen Beetle and when I see one on the road my face smiles and I giggle at how cute I believe it is. Just a ‘lil thing,’ that fills me with happiness.
IMAGES are comforting…
I love the look of this cup. I imagine sitting in the sunlight basking in the warmth of the sun and contemplating life. I have become intrigued with golden objects lately.
It is just a cup which I can drink water, coffee, or tea from. Yet it places a smile upon my lips as I dream of placing my hand on the heart-shaped handle and feeling its warmth. It is just a ‘lil thing’ that makes me happy. As I sip my desired drink of choice, the liquid warms my throat and slides down like honey, I imagine.
IMAGES allow us to dream…
Look at this little picture of the golden moon on the sea. Beautiful! This image fills me with the wonder of life and its vastness. How serene, calming and fiery all in one picture. I can dream that I am floating on the water in a small boat and looking up at the moon. I imagine the water is still and ever so calm as I simply float in its vastness. Can you imagine yourself floating on the water as well next to me?
It seems almost like a mirror, as the light of the moon reflects itself upon the water. Peaceful! I feel so small as I look upon the glow of this moon. Yet, I know that monthly I get to view a full moon in the sky … just a ‘lil thing’ but enormous when I bask in its light.
IMAGES create wonderment …
Here is an interesting door. Looks like a small double door that goes where I wonder? Its color and type are intriguing. Where does this door open up into? Can I dream that it is a splendid room filled with wonderful artist supplies? Maybe it is a hallway that leads me to a narrow walkway towards a pool? Can it be that both doors open onto a majestic bedroom which is filled with flowing white curtains and flickering white candles? Can it simply be a doorway into a magical land of surprises and books! My mind fills with wonder! It’s just a ‘lil thing’ that excites me.
IMAGES stir our imagination…
Blue Water – Blue Sky – White Light – Words – You Are Loved! – Love Is All There Is!
Simplify my life. Crisp and clean this image seems to me. This image speaks to me. Look towards the heavens! Look up! Look for the Light! You are not alone!
WOW… powerful and insightful! Is there a message for me in this image? Is Love all there is in life? Seems like such a ‘lil easy thing’ to ponder? I wonder if the words are true? I feel in my heart that they must be true! I pray that they are true!
IMAGES can transform us…
A Flower! A Butterfly!
I look at this image and feel transformation is key to my happiness. Such a ‘lil thing!’ The magnitude of a small butterfly can affect us all it seems because of the wonder of its life span. Can you smell the flower and feel the transformation that is possible in your life? Do the colors warm your soul and allow you to know Mother Nature is blissful? How do you feel looking at this image? Calm? Peaceful? Magical? Enchanted? Do you react in some way?
These are just a few of the images that cross the paths of our mind’s eye daily. There are actually hundreds, maybe thousands that we are not noticing. All of our lives are extremely busy with chores, work, babies, children, aging parents, and responsibilities. However, individually we need to nourish and nurture ourselves with any of the little things in life that tickle our soul and hearts.
- What are your thoughts on all these images?
- How do these images make you feel?
- Are there any images that you recall that have spoken to you lately?
- Are you dreaming, filling with wonder, imagination and transforming in the simplicity of life that surrounds you daily?
- Are you aware of all that is possible when you allow yourself to pay attention to your surroundings and the little things in your life?
- Are you capable of slowing down to take notice of the little things in your life?
- Can you bask in the glow of the moon with a beautiful cup of warmth, imagine the next door in your life that you need to walk through.
- Or maybe there is a door you need to close at this time?
- Can you discern the need to look above and beyond as you transform your life to be the one you desire to live?
Let us all begin to look around and pay attention to the images that stir our souls. We can choose to transform just like a butterfly and live our truth if we take the time to pay attention to our heart and the ‘lil things’ that stir us with joy daily!
- Is there a message to discern from them?
- Can the universe be speaking to us in some far out way through the ‘lil things?’
- Do you have any dreams you wish to manifest now in your life?
- Can you commit to one day a week to paying attention to the images in your life?
- Will you promise to look for the ‘lil things,’ starting today?
Pray! Meditate! Journal!
“I thank you for your part in my journey…”
As the only daughter of my dad, I cherished him. Today, I miss him and his wisdom. I imagine he did not have an easy childhood and one I cannot ever imagine. Born in 1927, he lived until 1998 when he died of lung cancer. He was 70 years old. His struggles were many.
Abandonment, alcoholism, and mental illness. Dad grew up during a time that I was unaware of but heard of; that his mom at 16 gave birth to him and then left him on a stoop at the age of four. That is where his issue with abandonment took off. His father’s sisters raised him. He grew up with hand me down clothes and toys from his cousins! He never felt loved. His dad who worked on the docks of New York City was never there for him.
He told me of working nights at American Beverage Soda Company and how they wanted to give him a 25 cents raise once, but he felt he was not smart enough to be a manager. For 25 cents though, dad could get a can of soda and a sandwich he said. He liked beer at an early age was drunk lots of times but happy at those times, it seemed to me. I had no clue these episodes were what today is called ‘dysfunctional.’
“I thank you for being the reason I smile …”
As a child, I only knew what went on in my house and had no idea of what a normal, happy home life I did not have. Fear was part of daily existence when he was drinking, but the memories I choose to cherish are when he was not drinking. There is ugliness in life, but we can eliminate that which does not serve us today. We can pick what we want to remember. I felt loved by him, and that is the greatest of my memories.
He sang drunk at weddings, and my mom would drag me into the ladies bathroom and hide because she was embarrassed. Alcoholism would be passed down to him from his family. And so the story moves forward. Married young to my mom, they would raise my brother and me to the best of their ability.
I was blessed to have missed the gene of addiction. I feel all through life our connection was about his wisdom and how I decided somehow at a young age to love my dad unconditionally. I felt he was the way he was because of his childhood. Today I know we all have our stories and in sharing them, we may help another. I trust that the Universe waits for our reaction to the experiences during life and how we decide to live our lives. Choosing love or fear is always our free will in all situations.
The mental illness did not arrive until he was forty years old when he heard voices to murder his family. Instead, he slashed his left wrist and neck. Years later, he told me he could not see himself harming me. He would laugh and say if he had murdered all of us, he would have served 25 years in prison and then would have been free. I guess he never felt free in life and that troubled him. He survived his attempt at suicide but was deformed and never worked again.
I was heartbroken to the depths of my soul, my mom was terrified, and my brother started his addiction process. The journey began with him going in and out of mental institutions like Creedmore State Psychiatric Hospital, and different psychiatric wards. I was there for him with my husband for thirty years after my mom finally divorced him. He nicknamed me ‘mom’ and ‘author,’ and we would laugh about this. He always adored me and wished his mom was more like me. The reason he called me ‘author,’ was because he wanted me to tell his story. He was very interested in human behavior and all the people who were ill that he met throughout his life. He believed that there was a reason for everything that happens.
The lung cancer that killed him had started 58 years before he died. Through it all he loved life. He worshiped Mother Nature and her beauty. He was addicted to her ocean, pools, and parks. He never drove a car and walked everywhere or took mass transit. He was wise, fun and wanted to be loved. It was my job to love him, and I did with my entire heart and soul. This Father’s Day he is gone nineteen years, and I think of him often. Individual songs that he sang when he was drinking pop on in the strangest of places at restaurants, and we say, ‘hi!’ I smile in acknowledgment of his presence.
“Dear Past, thank you for all the life lessons you have taught me …”
“Dear Future, I am ready now …”
His life may have been traumatic, but it never allowed him to feel sorry for himself. He loved music; all kinds, playing cards, whistling, worshiping the sun, walking outside and listening to the radio. Movies and Elvis Presley and other stars of his era were his favorites. These are my memories of a man who I had chosen to be my dad, and I would like to thank him for being the best dad ever.
His love of me allowed me to feel cherished and special even though he was scorned by many as a mentally ill person in our society. There is sadness in how his battle in life was to encourage me to be the woman I am today and what a sacrifice he chose for me. I am his proud daughter because of him. I am who I am today because of him.
As a society, we need to accept everyone’s story and embrace one another with kindness and love. It is not difficult to be there for another who you have manifested as a being in your life for a reason. We are born to learn from one another as well as teach one another during our life experiences. Was it easy at times, no! But! He was my dad!
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is “Thank You,” it will be enough …”
Happy Father’s Day to the many fathers with their issues, addictions and unbalanced behaviors. Please know that, you are loved!
Pray! Meditate! Journal!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME …
Daily I awaken to the wonder that surrounds my existence. Feeling blessed for all the experiences I have journeyed through in life. I am aware that not everyone believes as I do. I wonder why? As I travel forward on a ride that has filled me to many levels of emotions, I smile at the memories. Like a cup, my cup has been filled and drained over and over again. Good times, sad times, turbulent times, but in the end an invisible force has lifted me beyond whatever I was struggling through magically.
“If you enjoy living, it is not difficult to keep the sense of wonder.” – Ray Bradbury
My grandson Hudson asked me, “What is magic?” Life is the magic of course, but six grand babies under the age of eight are clueless to life as I have seen it. To witness my childhood is impossible for them. Even when I tell them how I love my iPhone, iPad, and MacBook. They know of no other way. A year before my first grandson Hunter James was born the first iPhone was also born. It was a magical time for me taking pictures of him. Magic! Is this not all magic, I ask? When I open my car by touching the door handle, I smile, this is magic. Then I start my car without a key, but that which is a key sits in my pocketbook. Pure magic!
When my daughters and grandchildren FaceTime me, I laugh, this is magic. Recently, my daughter Jess was in Vietnam and texted me a message and posted photos on Facebook and Instagram. Hello, is this not magic! When I wake up in Florida and go to sleep in New York the same day, this is magic. When I watch my daughter or son hug their children, I experience the deepest magic of love swelling and opening my heart. As I become witness to life growing and moving us all forward to greatness. There are numerous magical happenings in life all around everyone. We choose to accept it all and not be amazed at the wonder of it all. Stop taking life for granted! Fill yourself with wonder and look for the magic in your daily life.
“He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.” – M. C. Escher
Aware of energy the way that I am, I marvel at the sadness and darkness that has befallen so many of us. Fear is evident in our world. We fear our country and our lives. We fear what tomorrow will bring. We fear what tomorrow will not bring. We fear what we will loose. We fear what we will gain. Please listen to me there is no magic in fear. Love carries the jewel of magic. Love feeds the soul magically. Love opens doors. Love lets in the light and eliminates the darkness. Love is the foundation of magic. Love is that part of us that trusts that there is a reason for everything. Love is the key to our raising our consciousness.
There is no reason for anyone of us to worry. Just choose to believe that which will set you free because you trust there is a Divine Intelligence. Whether you believe in God, a Creator, Angels, Saints or not there is an essence bigger than any of us. There is some Divine Intelligence that we are all connected to as one. This Divine Intelligence is a field that surrounds us daily even if we are unaware. Many of us are still asleep, and there is no wonder in our lives. We cling to the negative, the darkness that we adhere to is only to survive because we refuse to change our thoughts, words or actions.
“As long as I’m still moving in that direction – toward wonder – then I know I will always be fine in my soul, which is where it counts. And since creativity is still the most effective way for me to access wonder, I choose it.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
When we pay attention to our dreams and ask for a message at night magic becomes part of our existence. Many say, “I never dream!” Not true! You do dream you just do not remember it or choose not to remember it. Right before you close your eyes for sleep, go into your mind and revisit your day and be grateful for everyone you traveled with through this day. Then ask; “What do I need to know?” Now go to sleep! The message in a dream is the magic of your life.
At times I battle the human part, my ego self and I feel less attached to a magical life. Then my spiritual part awakens me to my God-self, and I smile once again at the wonder of magic in my life. I am blessed because I can now tell the difference between the fight or even why there is to be an inner battle. I know that the ego loves to roar and throw me off track. When my ego succeeds, I feel off. It almost seems as if I am tested to feed that human part of me. It is that part that I refuse to continue to nourish. That humanity part of me has guided me to where I am today because it awakened the soul part that rested silently waiting for the right time to emerge magically. My journey is soul-infused by choice. My choices attach me to a magical existence because I believe there is magic throughout my day.
“It is a happy talent to know how to play.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
When we meditate daily, we magically surrender to all life offers us. Magic is the wonder that escapes the negative. The negative person clings to their fear and doubt of self because they have been programmed to grow up, be an adult, to work, to strive for more. There is no magic in living a negative life because of fear and doubt. As children, we were all filled with wonder and play. What is the greatest memory of that moment where you played? That moment where you roared with laughter, joy and complete happiness. The very time that you forgot about fear.
My greatest moments growing up was being outside climbing a tree, swimming, reading a good book and writing in my journal. Reading a book was play for me. Books were wonder, excitement, laughter, joy and happiness. Finally, I have returned to hours of the magic of my childhood. I no longer climb a tree, but I do hug them. Even as I type at this very moment a smile escapes my lips and my eyes light up at the wonder of my MacBook Air as I move my fingers across the magical keyboard that places my words on a screen. Yes! I am having fun! Writing is – Pure magic!
MEDITATE! PRAY! JOURNAL!
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage…” – Lao Tzu
I am amazed at the thoughts and images that pop into my mind since the passing of my mom. It is shattering to realize the truth of death, the final vision of the person I loved. It is three months the day after Mother’s Day as her ashes sit on my mantel. Her wish to be placed in the water on the way out East that we travel in our boat. Still, I am not ready to let her go again. It comforts me her being here even if it is just her ashes. This process is a sharp cut to my heart; death, ashes, placing them in the water! Emotionally even if in my heart I know she stands right by me on the other side of the veil.
“Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.” – Sophocles
For some reason, it is her hands that I remember most. I can picture in my mind her slender fingers, manicured nails. Later in life, she would hold her index fingers up crippled from arthritis. So crooked she would tell me they hurt as she tried to straighten them but couldn’t. I can remember we held hands whenever we were walking side by side somewhere. Our fingers laced together – her fingers so cool to the touch I now recall.
As her daughter, I am witness to seeing her in me at times. A flash of insight or quick look or glance in a mirror as I walk pass. I smile at these times to myself, that yes I am her child. Sometimes the simple way I sit when watching television or drink from a cup recalls to mind a picture of her. She was twenty years older than me. I can remember her as an amazingly young woman at heart.
Since her transition, I have been delving into my life growing up with her as my mom. I’ve asked a few questions of myself and have come to know some interesting aspects of her and who I was to her before the onset of dementia. As a metaphysical practitioner, I know of the power we possess to manifest our lives by our thoughts, words, and actions. We are powerful in manifesting everything we want and do not want in our daily lives. We do not realize the strength of our personal beliefs.
Metaphysically dementia’s probable cause and belief is a refusal to deal with the world as it is. Hopelessness and anger. If only my mom had chosen to believe she was in her perfect place and that she was safe, I wonder how free she would have been of her nightmares all of these years. Her anger was part of her fear that she imagined due to the losses in her life.
I only recall the stories she chose to share of her childhood, her belief in God and for years her nightly reciting of the rosary. Not having a wealthy upbringing and being one of nine children during a very different time in life than how she raised me, I praise her today for doing the best she knew how under the circumstances.
“Many of our fears are tissue paper thin and a single courageous step would carry us through them.” – KMH
She survived it all; fear, alcoholism, abuse and death until she could no longer close her eyes and be witness to the pain anymore. Dementia crept in slowly at first until she was no longer the woman I knew her to be. It is a slower death to the person and the family then choosing to die. I write choosing because I believe we choose our life experiences and all that we want to learn in life from our parents, our children, the place of birth, family and friends as well.
We are born to love, heal and grow our souls. To love unconditionally all, to forgive, awaken to our truth and our freedom. However, many of us like my mom become frozen in the depths of their fear – their past. They cherish what never was possible because of death, and then cling to their pain daily and stay in the mindset of fear. For many the greatest of fears is death!
“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” – Henry David Thoreau
My mom never knew of her greatness. Her entire being became engulfed with too much fear of life and what it could do to her. I saw as a young girl how terrified she was of my dad and how she finally had to walk away from the fear after twenty-five years. When my brother was killed suddenly by a drunk driver on his way home from work, she began her descent into escaping from this world as she knew it. The pain was unbearable, and her grief took her away from my family and me when she chose to leave New York and move back to her hometown in Puerto Rico.
At first, I felt abandoned, actually for years I felt that she left me. Today, I know it was her grief that she tried to get away from and it had nothing to do with me. Recently, my son told me that he felt that she abandoned him and his siblings as well as, me twenty-six years ago, I was surprised! It is during these types of a moment that forgiveness comes into play. I believe she did what she needed to do at the time to survive the pain. It never helps to take anything someone else does personally. Many have trouble speaking their truth and fear is part of the anxiety of their day. It is all they know and cannot express their feelings. I believe this was true of my mom.
“Motherhood is … difficult and … rewarding …” – Gloria Estefan
Recently, I have been thinking about my life with my mom and my thoughts about her as a mom. Today, I know she did the best that she could, and my favorite memory of her was her childish behavior at times and holding hands with her whenever we walked somewhere. I would like to say to her that I understand and I know she loved me in her way but could not handle the pain and fear. I no longer feel abandoned by her actions to move away from my family and me. The greatest sadness I felt at her passing was that she had never met my six grandchildren. Then I think to myself can this be part of the plan that we agreed to at one time in spirit form. It matters not anymore because it is in the past and can never be any other way. I must stay in the present! To do so, I must live out my dreams. These were her choices and as her daughter I respect them. Fear was her choice for her entire life. Had she chosen Love things would have been different. There are not many choices but only two that we all get to choose from. Ask yourself how do you choose to live your life? Is it with fear or love? Fear is the roar of your ego from within. Love is the whisper of God from within. Choose wisely!
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
At this time in my life as a wife, mother, mother-in-law and grandmother I thank my mom for all that I learned from her. I am who I am today because of her choices. I discovered my truth, my passion and who I want to show to the world as a spiritual being bursting with unconditional love to share. There was a time twelve years ago when I asked her to come back to New York and live with me. She refused! She believed she would ruin my marriage and her fears would destroy her and me. That was when dementia climbed into her mind and settled in for the journey. I thank God for this life experience with my mom, and I am forever grateful that I chose her.
Today, as a woman, I am blessed to know I have always been able to live by my strength and beliefs. I feel sad that my mom never knew how strong she was and that she loved me unconditionally and I had never realized it before. I always believed that I was a teacher to my children as all moms are. I was setting an example which I hope today they can realize themselves. Mothering a child is about unconditional love because loving them as they are is key to their fulfillment.
“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” – Robert Browning
My mom never tried to change me, nor did she try to influence me in any way to be different than I was. I can hear her voice if I close my eyes and listen to how proud she was of me as a mom and wife. I am happy to write that was a great lesson for me to learn from her. Today, during this month of May when we celebrate our mothers, I wish to say to mine, “thank you, mom!” Take a moment and say this simple prayer as well … “thank you, mom!”
Pray! Meditate! Journal!
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live…” – Norman Cousins
I’m wondering if there are tools to help one process the death of a loved one. I believe it does not matter as much as who died, when or where but that they are no longer here. We cannot see them, talk to them or touch them. What do we grieve most then; the touch of them, not ever seeing them again, or the absence of their voice.
- What are we grieving?
- Why are we grieving?
- Who are we grieving?
My mom lived in Puerto Rico for the last 26 years while I lived in New York. She had dementia and did not know me or anyone else for the last few years. Then she was gone. I was motherless! I became fatherless in 1998! I cried for that which will never be and for that which had not been. Yes, I cried tears that filled up my heart to bursting. For me, because she was simply no longer here on the planet with me. Sharing the air, I breathe daily. Looking up at the moon and stars that I loved. All these years I just knew that she was here, only far away which comforted me in some way.
Then one day I was filled with a deep calmness when I realized she was finally at peace, resting and smiling down at me. It was her life, not mine that she lived. It was her life to live as she chose because God gives us all ‘free will. Slowly it dawned on me one day, how we accomplished a perfect teaching as mother and daughter together this lifetime.
Finally, I looked back at our relationship and all that I had learned from her. I felt blessed that she was an amazing teacher. I felt happy that I had chosen her to learn from all that I could. To be the wife and mother, I am today because of her. I remembered her and how she laughed, how I felt laughing with her. The little gifts she always needed to purchase for me when I was visiting her. She had a talent of nourishing me with food and love when it was just the two of us, many yesterdays ago.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on…” -Robert Frost
I honored and respected her always even when I felt abandoned by her. Today, I understand it was her grief that she became stuck in when my brother died in a head-on collision by a drunk driver in 1988. It wasn’t me! It was her loss, fear, and sorrow. Fear was the foundation always of her existence, in that she chose dementia to escape into, to survive as long as she did. I recently went and bought her favorite perfume from when I was young, and every morning I spray my space with her and say, “Mom, let’s start the day together!” And off I go knowing she is by my side.
I imagine you are like me struggling with a loss of some kind. It doesn’t always have to be a death. It can be a divorce, a job, a friendship that ended or just that we cannot find where we belong in life. Maybe what we are grieving is not about another but our grief at this time. The simple end to something or someone!
Can it be that we are grieving our loss, our fears, and our sorrow? It has nothing to do with the deceased. Our heart aches and tears run down our face as we try to understand how we will exist without them. The deceased are at peace. But, I can’t imagine even if that is possible the way we carry on about them leaving us. They must feel guilty and sad!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time …” – Mark Twain
Whenever I pass a funeral procession, I say a prayer for the living family and friends of the deceased. As well as, a prayer that the living let the dead rest in peace. I have read that everyone handles grief differently. Some have regrets. Others have a fear of death. Some of us get stuck deep in our minds and cannot comprehend the loss, as my mom did. We cannot handle our grief! Maybe it is time to look at the reasons why we struggle with grief in such a heartbreaking manner.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. – Khalil Gibran
- What can we do, when our hearts break apart violently because of the death of a loved one?
- How can we survive the loss of friendship, job, or even a divorce?
- Are there any tools that we can grasp onto which will help us to heal?
Fear of our death is the first tool that needs to be accepted. Life will always end in death for every living person, animal, insect, plant and fish. Death is the only process there is to life. We have all chosen a life experience that must begin and end. We will never have the answers for why a baby dies, or why another life lives to old age crippled with disease.
What we all must comprehend is that we chose a plan and that there is a purpose to each life. The reality is that there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Especially, today when there are so many killings across our world by terrorists, suicides, and death to drug-related deaths. I have read that we choose our life experience to either heal our karma or heal another’s karma! We agree to die at a given moment to help heal ourselves or another member of our family group because life is eternal. There is no death. There is a transition period. We need to express love.
No regrets are the second tool that many will find hard to process. Usually what we regret is an action we did not accomplish. We didn’t visit our parents, offer support to our friend, we were always abusive, negative, confrontational or we just could not be bothered with their drama. Our actions will always speak louder than our words. We all deserve a second chance, a third chance, maybe even a fourth chance!
Even when a baby or child dies suddenly or due to an illness, there can be no regrets. We must remember there is a plan. All we can do is take their death and make something good out of it. Remember you chose this life and everyone in it that travels the path along your side.
There is no loss, brings us to our third tool. Our souls are eternal. Our bodies are our vehicle. How we take care of our vehicle is a clue to how long it will last. Everyone knows how to eat and what to eat to remain healthy – yet we choose consciously to eat what will harm us. Like putting soda instead of gas in a car. We are witness to many celebrities dying of drug overdoses or obesity in some cases. Why are we shocked suddenly, as we say; “What a sin, he/she died so young?” It is not a sin. They did not take care of themselves! Their vehicle was misused and mistreated.
“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive…” – John Green
We must believe that our loved ones visit us in dreams, with signs, symbols, music, smell and coins. Know that the best process to help a loved one who has transitioned is to pray for them. Thank them for the time you shared, the happy and joyful memories you now possess. To continue to send them love. To forgive them if they had any additive behavior. As well as forgiving yourself! Know it was all part of the plan.
I have read that when one door closes another door will open. Divorce, jobs, relationships run a course. One knows when the reason for divorce or leaving a job or relationship is necessary if there is any form of abuse. No one has permission to verbally, mentally or physically abuse us through their addictive behaviors. It is not allowed! Many of us survive abuse to be part of our existence because we feel we are worthy of said abuse. Or, maybe we do not know how to make a change to better ourselves. The addiction in life that dulls our souls is the drama we become addicted to daily.
“Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75 …” – Benjamin Franklin
When we cry, scream, ache deep within with pain it is not for them. It is for us! We hurt! The question is why? Look at it this way, you traveled a life journey with a loved one together laughing, dancing, raising children, maybe working together, or you were a child, friend, sibling, spouse or even a parent. The memories are bountiful. There are pictures, gifts received and given. Likes and dislikes shared. You cried together or wept over a sad movie or event. This life experience may have ended in a fight or not. Either one of you could have become too busy for the other. One of you may have been critical of the others choices. Life moved forward on its own, and you lost touch. It is all normal human behavior.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself…” – George Bernard Shaw
When we forgive ourselves, we can then forgive others. There is a process to loving the self so that we can then love another. There is no reason to not pray for those we can no longer see, touch or hear. We can ask them to visit us in our dreams. To send us a sign; whether a symbol, coin, smell or memory. Trust me they are still by your side. Believe it, and they will be there for you. Fill the ache within your heart with love for them.
Our journey here is to grow our soul for our soul is the part of us that is eternal. Love, kindness, acceptance, and forgiveness are essential to offer every single one of us a chance to live a life of our dreams.
- What do you dream for you?
- How can you manifest this dream!
- What do you need to change in your life to live your dream?
PRAY! MEDITATE! JOURNAL!
As a lover of the written word, I have spent my entire life taking pen to paper. Some may call it a form of therapy. I believe it is a release of that which no longer serves me that my mind clings to. In 1984, I began the journey of writing poetry to deal with stress in my life. For years I rarely felt the neeed to write a poem but more a type of journal writing when needed. In December of 2016 I was at a workshop with my teacher Deborah King in California. As I normally start my day with prayer, meditation and writing I started to write the following poem. I hope you are inspired by my words. My release. My form of therapy!
I almost lost myself
“The Me of Me!”
In my Spirituality
I became numb to myself
“My Inner Reality!”
Shall I stuff down deep within
I have laughed …
I have cried …
I needed to die …
From the woman I created
To please those who chose to berate
The brilliance of my light
But the darkness I dove into
I needed to fight
For, “The Me of Me!”
To set “Me” Free …
Freedom is essential
I clearly now see
As a child raised in fear
I silenced the “Me” without a tear
I became a wife on a journey
Of discovery to finally hear
The voice of my inner child’s cry;
“Embrace me for I do not want to die,
Pull me free from the depths of this despair,
For I cannot breathe without your care …”
So I held onto her fingertips
From deep within my being
Knowing it was time to pull her
Up from an inner sorrow,
I was witnessing …
Struggling at first
because of the years
Of neglect of my inner beliefs
I discovered a voice to unravel
“The Me of Me …”
I had roared loudly as a mom
Filled with love, joy, and happiness
Proud of the honor to be chosen
So I became fearlessly
An advocate for those who needed “Me …”
My sanity I was gifted!
As their mom, I was bold
Allowed me to unfold
With joy for the chores of my life
Stronger beyond even I knew,
I was able to handle all strife …
One may wonder of the time needed
To hug “Me” into becoming my Truth
A week …
A month …
A year …
For “Me” it seemed a lifetime
Of Journaling – Reading – Writing Poetry
By releasing my fears and finally
Allowing the tears!
Still, I subdued the real “Me of Me,”
Behind my Spirituality
Once again I silenced a part of my
Inner child’s laughter, joy, and happiness
Through this new sacred personality!
Today I believe as a spiritual being
I am here to experience my human creation
As I am,
The Divine Presence of God
The “I” that “I AM,”
The “Me of Me.”
For the lessons, I learned
Offers an acceptance for the
By those who loved “Me,”
As I loved “them.”
Whether they be family
I was aware of a vast resource
on the Ring of Keys!
The Discovery of my
Key of Freedom has
Opened the door
For me to experience more
Which then led “Me” to the
Key of Forgiveness!
To move forward on the path of my
Intended life experience
Once I embraced the Key of Forgiveness!
I experienced the
Key of Gratefulness!
Are the Keys to all spiritual passion,
And where I discovered my purpose,
The reason I was born!
The joy of being whole
Now living a large life
No longer being small
The memories of the “smallness,”
I achieved can be released
I know the path I traveled
Whether silent or not,
fueled my desires
My soul needed to feel nourished
and to be nurtured
So that I could spiritually divorce myself
from an unhealthy
Still, I continued to struggle
With who I now was
To believe I could
Grow “Me” to be a better “Me,”
Filled with insight and a new reality!
It seems my belief of going within
For answers to my pain
Ignited a “Love of Self,”
I cherish, which erased
The belief I was insane…
Although I question if this has always been
“The Me of Me…”
Just silently waiting to claim “Me.”
As one who knows that everyone
Has the right to be free!
It is the core of my essence
I’ve connected with
Allowing my truth to unfold
My soul is aware it is
nourished beyond and above
More than I could have ever imagined
Through the practice of
Pray. Meditate. Journal.
Making Believers: Connect to the Light within… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005F9GV3Q/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_api_r32SybH2F5SCM
I am flying high on the spirit of the season. My mind travels to the days of my childhood and the excitement and wonder of this time of year. I love the simplicity that allows me to give gifts as a way of expressing my appreciation to those in my life. To me, the energy of money is to share it, if you can! The abundance in my life allows me to be thankful and filled with gratitude daily.
“Had I known that I planned my challenges, I would have seen them rich with purpose …” – Robert Schwartz from Your Soul’s Plan
Unfortunately, many fill with despair and grief because of the sad and sorrowful circumstances that they have travelled during their life journey. It is the season to take the time to love all that any of us has experienced, including ourselves. After all, we are surrounded by lights, music and colorful decorations everywhere we go. An added bonus is a snowfall! What delight as a child to know with glee the anticipation of opening gifts. Maybe we need as adults to return to that childhood wonder during this season.
“On Earth and throughout the Universe, Divine Order is created and Divine Will expressed through Service…” – Robert Schwartz from Your Soul’s Gift
We celebrate as Christians that this is the time of Christ’s birth. What did Christ teach but to love one another, to be kind, and to give of ourselves! Yet, many of us stumble and fall this time of year to a past grief, anger, fear, depression, or hatred even. I always wondered about the need to simply be mean to anyone you claim to love. Grief is a belief that we have lost someone who we loved and that we can no longer see or touch them. We remain stuck in the memory of the end of their life here and forget the joyful loving memories of yesterday. We are a society that stay with a loved one who has transitioned on at the moment we buried them. Why do we forget their life? How they loved? When they cared and supported us? Why do we not tell their stories and share how they reached us while they lived with laughter, joy, happiness even at times sadness?
” Every death is brought about by the culmination of the vibration of the Being. There is not an exception to that. No one, beast or human, makes their transition into the Non-Physical without it being the vibrational consensus that is within them-so every death is a suicide because every death is self-imposed…” – Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks
However, I believe there is no death but more a transition, there is no end and there is no need to cling to this grief. As eternal spiritual beings our loved ones are right next to us on the other side of the veil. We can dream of them, we can talk to them but most of all we can remember the lives they lived, the joy and laughter they shared with us. They are at peace and they try to reach us by many different means; coins, electricity, lights, music, even license plates. Just believe they are with you and you will feel them yourself. Let them rest in peace and pray for them.
“To find the source of any darkness you may be fighting, and then release it, is one of the most powerful things you can do to move into greater light and joy…” – Deborah King from Entangled in Darkness
Depression knocks us off our feet into the depths of our mind and we cannot function. Yet, we all have a choice every day how we want to feel and how we want to live our lives. Not easy, but we do have the choice to make a decision ourselves and what emotion we want to experience. A good test upon awakening or throughout the day is to ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?” “Why do I feel this way?” “How would I like to feel?” Three very simple sentences will bring you to an awareness of yourself and your feelings.
There are many different circumstances for anger, fear and hatred but there is a key to release these emotions that no longer serves us. The key is to forgive ourselves and then to forgive those who have harmed us in some way and filled us with hatred towards them. We can do this by writing down our feelings and then releasing them by burning the paper. Forgiveness will heal you and allow you personally to benefit on your life experience, as well as, them.
Years ago, I read that we pick our parents to learn lessons from them or maybe to help them learn a lesson. Recently, I read that we pick everyone that walks our journey with us. In doing so, we make a plan on what we need to learn and what we need to experience this lifetime. Can you imagine how wonderful it is to know that nothing is as it seems. That you actually planned the life you are living.
I have been down the road of depression, grief, anger, and hatred, as well as, suicide. In 1994, I learned that I personally cannot control who lives and who dies. The depths of sorrow at the end of a physical life whether adult, child or even a pet is a wave that sits openly in the depths of our hearts forever. We ache for them! We cry, become depressed and grief takes us over until we cannot breathe or function in life! The pain is unbearable because death is the unknown and the greatest of fears in our society.
“All of the survival patterns arise out of feeling unsafe and all are attempts to create some sense of safety for ourselves. …” – Steven Kessler from The 5 Personality Patterns
I imagine at times that the childhood many of us have lived and experienced has created within us a means of protecting ourselves. As adults today we get triggered to react by simply filling with fear or anxiety, becoming passive, have feelings of being defeated, developing tension or we simply refuse to express our feelings, because of a situation that brings us back to the original moment in time of thinking we were not safe.
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
These survival/defense patterns we created under the age of seven fill us with a belief; that we need to escape mentally, to remember our abandonment issues, because we had been betrayed, or maybe at one time we had no control and were betrayed by someone we loved. Because of these beliefs today as an adult we do not live our truth. We escape at the blink of an eye into a survival/defense pattern. Maybe we just need to finally strengthen our boundaries, own our needs and stand on our own two feet, begin to trust, be assertive or just connect to our heart. Now is the time to finally begin to shift out of these survival/defense patterns and live our truth by becoming aware of our triggers and how we react in all our relationships with others.
Here’s a gift from me to you: The following books are insightful, and filled with information that will make you think about your own life experience and those you share it with.
- Your Soul’s Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born by Robert Schwartz
- Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born by Robert Schwartz
- Entangled in Darkness: Seeking the Light by Deborah King
- The 5 Personality Patterns: Your Guide to Understanding Yourself and Others and Developing Emotional Maturity by Steven Kessler
- Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Kicks (The Teachings of Abraham)
“Violence of the tongues very real-sharper than any knife…” – Mother Teresa
When reading books, blogs or written material of any kind please use your discernment. My above suggestions are just a few of the books that have enlightened me on my path. We are all on this beautiful journey to awaken to the divine love within. To grow our Souls! When we awaken we become seekers to heal by incorporating meditation, prayer and journaling into our daily lives. Now is the most magical time of year, and I hope this blog in some way triggered you to take a peak into my world.
Earlier this week we had a snowfall which magical turned our world white and glistening. I filled with the hope of peace and love for this world and all who I share my life with. The wonder of my childhood surfaced with joy and happiness as I listened to holiday music. My prayer for all is that we learn to open our hearts and fill with love for each other as the spiritual beings we are!
PRAY! MEDITATE! JOURNAL!
As we travel close to the holiday season I have been reflecting on the changes in my personal life this past year. In the past I tended to fear change but today I welcome it as part of my growth process. Fear is the main function of belief that is claimed by most of us daily. We fear lots of things that either were handed down to us from our parents or society, as well as, many adults in our lives.
When I take time to journal, meditate and pray daily I am blessed with a tender connection to spirit. Intuition flows and insight is received. Sometimes with clarity, guidance and support. These actions of mine taken daily free me from my past. Yet, life seems so fearful for many because they do not take the time to search within themself for answers. That we all have a shadow side means we either nourish the dark side through fear or hold on tight to the light side of our essence by embracing ourselves with love. The greatest nourishment to our shadow side is of course fear!
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt…” – William Shakespeare
What do we fear most … death, drugs, divorce, abuse, abandonment, lack, feeling unworthy, low self-esteem but mostly that we are not lovable and therefore do not deserve to be loved. My belief about life has changed drastically these past years especially when it comes to what we believe about death. The wonder of life is that no one truly knows what happens once we are pronounced dead. My thought is that we are eternal beings and our body is just a vehicle for our soul that crosses over the veil from this life. We cannot see, touch or be with a loved one that transitions over but we can hold them tightly within our hearts and still communicate with them.
Can it be that drugs, divorce, abuse, abandonment, lack, feeling unworthy, low self-esteem and that we are not lovable are the lessons we chose to experience this lifetime. We are beings of light and love so we come to planet earth to grow our souls and balance our karma from past lives. There is nothing to fear when you believe that there is a reason for everything. How many can say that they believe and know that there are no accidents. Of course, it is so hard to grasp that we chose our parents, our life experience and everyone we know to learn who we are.
What is our truth? How can we balance our karma? Forgiveness is the key to balance. Acceptance is the door that opens when we no longer are judgmental or critical of another. Maybe it is time now to ‘flip’ our own thought process when it comes to how we believe, speak and act. I imagine the ability to ‘flip’ comes from the depths of compassion we show another because we see their fear so clearly. Can we not as a society make the decision to offer love in place of fear to one who is full of fear? The terrors of life are what separates each us from our unity as spiritual beings having a human experience.
“Be grateful for yourself… be thankful…” – William Saroyan
For those who feel they were abandoned by a parent, spouse, child or friend and have low self-esteem, feel unworthy and unlovable what are the opposites of these but to love who we are as we are, to know we are worthy, lovable and that we asked to experience abandonment to grow, balance and live our truth. Let it all go. Leave it up to God. Release what no longer serves you. Think out of the box. Find that which creates freedom of thought today! Ask yourself why do you take everything so personal? There is a human need to punish each other only because the punisher feels that something is being done to him or her because of fear.
In reflection of my own life I was raised by two extremely different parents: a fearful judgmental mom and an alcoholic, manic-depressant dad! To me I thought my dad was the wisest man I ever met and I was capable of loving him unconditionally for 30 years while he lived in and out of mental institutions. Still, I saw no fault in him. I imagine today that was because he was the greatest teacher for this life-experience and I chose him. That my dad sacrificed his life as an alcoholic and manic-depressant for me fills me with a deep understanding of the plans we choose in life to know who we are.
There was a time I felt abandoned by my mom over and over again but today I know I was able to grow to the person I am today because of her. My heart and soul thanks her daily for all that I have learned because I chose her as my mom. My mom is 85 years old and in the full stages of dementia for years now. She does not know me or any of her family members. I thank her for commitment to herself and to what she needed to do for me so that I was able to grow to the woman I am today! I imagine how easy life could be for many if they opened their hearts to those they love daily and embrace them unconditionally with gratitude for triggering them, and being the best teacher for them. I find it eye-opening that life is definitely not like we have all been taught or led to believe.
“When I first open my eyes upon the morning meadows and look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lets imagine that the shadows, darkness, fears and anger are what we chose to learn from. Instead of trying to figure out what is wrong with us, let’s be grateful for the roles we have played in our movie of life as well as those we chose to support us in our movie.
PRAY. MEDITATE. JOURNAL.
“The present moment is a powerful goddess…” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The beauty of daily life is to be aware of the moment that ignites your senses to become present. To treasure these days as points of the mind where one feels encouraged to be calm, happy and grateful. To be witness that one is blessed with a gift that can be treasured forever. Time to be with the self allows one to know who they are. When we meditate, pray, journal, read or create, that is the essence of a life awakening to the self. Throw in the beauty of Mother Nature and bask in her love which can be a special moment in time. Being blessed personally to enjoy my daily life experience I feel completely in awe of God and His teachings as they have been shown to me. I treasure the moments we share.
“Be frugal of your time. It is one of the best jewels we have…” -Sir Matthew Hale
I travel through my day breathing in the beauty of Mother Nature that sits right outside my window. I relish in a life lived to take the time I need to nurture my body, mind and soul. Through my spiritual practice, I have focused on the benefits of meditation, prayer, journaling and reading of spiritual books which fill me with the glow of my inner being. My days are full of peace, joy and happiness. There sits within my heart a belief that I am exactly doing what I need to do at this time in my life. The thoughts of yesterday’s fears are no longer. There is nothing that can take my beliefs away from me at this time.
“Time is the measurer of all things, but is itself immeasurable, and the grand discloser of all things, but is itself undisclosed…” -Charles Caleb Colton
I have been given a gift that does not follow a world that I no longer need to be attached to. I am free. I am aware. I am connected. My past has shown me the lessons learned and that forgiveness is essential on the path for all to claim. It matters not what happened in the past only that I release the need or desire to cling to something I cannot change. This gift of time I have been granted allows me to know my truth, to know me!
“To thine own self be true…” – William Shakespeare
Life is to be lived, forgiven and shared with an unconditional love that what we do to another we do to ourselves. What connects us all is our daily actions that we take for granted. We are all one because of the energy of the following: we walk this planet called Mother Earth, we use her water, her sun shines on us all, and we breathe her air. Imagine how this gift of oneness can benefit each of us by honoring and respecting one another completely, no questions asked. With respect, love and acceptance we embrace each other and love those we share this planet with because we can. Why not?
“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature…” -Joseph Campbell
Now is the time to take the journey on your path that will set you free of your fears! The gift of time is yours to claim as a personal moment to know the God within. The tools we use to make this connection are many. Find one or more that suits you to develop your time now to develop your freedom, awareness and connection that is your personal gift to claim and unique to you.
- Accept those you share your life with as they are.
- Begin a Spiritual Practice of your own.
- Embrace Mother Nature and her beauty.
- Forgive yourself so you can forgive others.
- Be kind to yourself and others.
- Open your heart to know what you believe is true.
- Love who you are as you are.
- Mediate. Pray. Journal. Create.
Please feel free to comment and share. That You!
Can it be that we struggle daily to find ourselves? Is it our truth and essence that sits deep within but which we cannot grasp that calls to us? We know of a place that is not here but still there is a loss that stirs our soul to all that we believe in. What is the essence of this loss? Why do we fill with sorrow? Is it of this lifetime or a past lifetime?
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha
Many of us have experienced some form of abuse in our lives but what if this so called abuse is generational? How can we eliminate further emotional, physical or mental abuse from our daughters/sons and their daughter/sons. Abuse is not solely characterized as an issue that only women experience. Yet, we the women of the world carry the cross squarely on our hearts filled with this ache of sorrow and loss. Can this loss that we desire to find be that of emotionally feeling and witnessing unconditional love. Generationally, everyone has done the best they knew how to do but the energy today screams for us to forgive and to love unconditionally. This is the sorrow I write of. This is the loss we all have experienced.
“Poisonous relationships can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless. But you’re not worthless, you’re unappreciated.” -Steve Maraboli
We as a people, community, society, neighborhood and family are ripe to feel loved. Finally, the past does not fit into the present no longer. Anger, fear, hate, prejudice, criticism and judgment has no place in today’s world because there is too deep a sorrow felt for the loss of yesterday that has been experienced. Love is the present solution for all to release our karma and that which no longer serves us.
“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.” -Louise L. Hay”
With love as a foundation at this time we will finally know the meaning and truth to the words, “Love your neighbor as you Love yourself!” The sorrow of loss is that many do not know how to love themself because of the pain they have been witness to by abuse in their lives. Abuse fills the heart and mind with the simple thought that, I am not worthy of being loved!” The different forms of abuse a child, young adult, teenager, wife, husband or parent experiences wears the personality down to a deep emptiness that something is missing in life. We try to fill this emptiness with addictions of many kinds and material possessions. However, the soul knows nothing is missing because we are all born as beings of love and light. The love we do not receive because of the generational aspect that pushes forward on its own must be stopped today.
Abuse has been rampant in many of our lives but no longer is acceptable today. The main tool to release the sorrow of loss at this time is to begin to meditate daily. This simple but profound tool of healing carries the benefit of connecting you to your soul and releasing what no longer serves you. Be aware that your children and their children shall benefit from you consciously ending the sorrow of loss due to abuse of any kind. There is truth in the fact that when you love yourself just as you are, no matter what you have been told by another, you will experience a connection to that part of you that is called your God-self! We are here to like God and to be of service.
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
www.deborahking.com (to learn how to meditate)
The power of magic in our lives is based on our beliefs. Do you believe in magic? Does life seem magical at times? Can magic fill you with glee at the memory of your childhood? Is that innocence no longer part of your day?
We are born filled with all possibility to create a magical existence. However, we become trapped into the world of adults and their beliefs governed by society. A society that drills into us that more is the answer to life. We become overwhelmed by the beliefs of others on how to look, dress and what job we must accept. Cars that we drive even have a status in today’s world. How much money we need to exist and what foods we must eat. WHY?
“Find that magical place in life and live there…”
Why have we allowed our lives to be based on what others believe and think? Can we not return to the childhood innocence of a belief that anything is possible even magic! Is it not time today to stop and become aware of what stirs our soul and heart. What are we passionate about in life today that thrilled us as a child? Why can’t we release from our minds the echo of our parents and societies beliefs, and that which no longer serves us today as adults?
Through the practice of meditation and the act of going within to hear the silence from the depths of our soul magic is created. It is the magic we crave today that will inspire us to live our lives based on the truth of our own beliefs.
Many of us have had difficult childhoods but trust me if you sit in silence the memories of magical times from your inner child will surface eventually to comfort you as an adult today. Embrace your inner child to feel safe and loved by you today.What did you dream for yourself as a child?
We are all here to love and be loved, to forgive and be of service. When death comes to the physical body all that will live eternally is the love you shared and the light you offered towards another by being of service.
“Life is a sequence of moments and when those moments sequence right. It’s magical…”
The daily practice of prayer after meditation is the gift we give to ourselves as well as those we pray for. Reading spiritual books for 15 minutes a day enlightens our spiritual practice to create magic to unfold through our connection to Spirit. We will then believe in ourselves by the process of loving all that we have survived because our lives have passion and purpose. We begin to float through the day, loving our journey as it unfolds magically all around us.
It is the beliefs of our truth that we must cling to now – today – not tomorrow. It is time to change our ways and be the spiritual beings we were born to be. Stand up for yourself and be the magical spiritual being that you were created for. As our journey of magic unfolds it is that time that will nourish you to be the best person you can be. Why not strive for the magic?
“All I know is that when I pray, coincidences happen; and when I don’t pray. they don’t happen…” -Dan Hayes
Life is yours to claim and create that which stirs your soul to awakening to your truth. It is your passion that you silently held close to your heart as a child that needs to be fueled today no matter what another told you in the past. We as spiritual beings are extremely powerful by the simple way we use our thoughts, words and actions daily. We are all magical.
Life is a path we travel that creates the journey to fulfill our humanity by being brave enough to walk how we choose to. Release any old beliefs that you are not worthy enough, smart enough, good enough or even pretty or handsome enough. YOU are perfect just as you are. YOU are at the right place where you are meant to be today. There are no mistakes. Now let the magic in. Live your life not how someone drills into they believe you should live. There is no ‘should’ in magic.
“Logic will get you from A-Z! Imagination will get you everywhere…” -Albert Einstein
The last tool after meditating, praying and reading spiritual books is to journal your feelings on whatever pain you hold on to. Release the pain through the act of keeping a daily journal. The best form of therapy there is and you can do it in the moments that fill you with doubt.
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
It has come to my attention that my followers were having difficulty trying to comment on my blog… As a blogger I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read and then comment. It seems that there was a glitch and now if you choose to, you will be able to comment. Please try again for the sake of me being a blogger.
If there continues to be a problem please email me at email@example.com
I blog to share information that I have studied for years…
I blog to be creative in my life…
I blog to teach that being positive will change your life…
From the bottom of my heart … thanks…
Love, Light, Healing and Hugs.
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
“The magic of water has been in my life for years now as I wake up every day to behold the beautiful sight of Mother Nature…”-Linda Amato
As I sit here in my library and fill with a heart full of gratitude for the days that are moving me forward. I am blessed. My life is wondrous. I am connected to Spirit. This belief of mine although alternative and difficult for many to comprehend has been rooted out of the depth of my soul from many lifetimes, I believe. I can remember the day even at this moment when I wondered if there was ‘more?’ I felt there had to be more to this experience we all call life. It was then that I begged for guidance in 2003 which led me to today.
“If you can’t be in awe of Mother Nature, there’s something wrong with you.” -Alex Trebek
It seems I was never truly aware but I did know I was not alone so I just moved one step in front of the other being a good girl. Quiet and silent was my belief, after all “Silence is golden!” As a child I was stronger then my brother and mother. I could handle more at a young age. There was an essence within that told me to be kind, loving and helpful. Never ever was I to be confrontational. Why? I wonder today why I could not have the power of speech until I was fifty. My answer this day is because it served me well to be silent and allowed me to be awakened to my truth. I know this because I believe there is a reason for everything.
“The most important this is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.” -Audrey Hepburn
Raised in a time of change I never chose to be a rebel or hippie yet, I felt I was never in the box. I obeyed my parents, elders and everyone. I questioned if they were right in my head but I never questioned them. There was always that inner essence that guided me daily. Human behavior is something I delight in and since I began studying with Deborah King in 2012 I have learned the many reasons we as humans do what we do.
At my age today: as a daughter, wife, mother, and grandmother I realize today the importance of women in my life. I have collected a tribe of my own that I have fallen in love with and I believe it is my way of being of service to them by sharing all that I can that is of alternative belief. To begin with there is no right and no wrong way of living YOUR life experience. How can there be such a belief. We are here because we choose to be here on this planet at this time. We are a combination of soul and human. Our soul part is love and our human part is ego. That is where the battle within begins.
“We do not remember days, we remember moments.” -Cesare Pavese
We choose which one we are going to nourish daily by our thoughts, words and actions. What do you believe today that is different from what you believed yesterday? Change is constant because there is no way we can stay exactly the same in our thoughts, words and actions unless we fuel a life dedicated to negativity, unhappiness, regret and anger as our path because of something that happened a long time ago to us. As beings of love and light it is very difficult to choose the path of the ego/human belief daily. It is frustrating to realize that being angry or unhappy is not our nature. Especially since love seeps in when we bask in the beauty of Mother Nature, see or hold a baby, a sunset, smell a rose, fall in love, make love, celebrate a wedding, or birthday or just receive a compliment.
My question to you then is why not choose to nurture your soul/love part more often. When we choose to love we choose to transition and grow higher on the path of our journey. To choose love we must forgive ourselves and anything that happened by another to us in our past. We all have a choice to live as we choose to live so go for it! Just let go of anything that no longer serves you today.
“It is as grandmothers that our mothers come into the fullness of their grace. – Christopher Morley
I have chosen love and I believe that I have been able to nourish and nurture my soul daily. Is it easy, you ask? I can honestly say it is getting easier! The wonder of my life is the children that I share my life with from the ages of 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, and 1 month. It is magical to hold a baby in your arms and know she is heaven sent as an angel to share her love and light in the world. To talk to a child and listen, really listen to what scares him or what fills him with joy. To wrap your arms around a sleeping child and carry him into his home to rest all toasty and really heavy. To bathe a child and laugh as he laughs at the wonderment of water that fills him with delight. To watch the ballerina from within surface in her as she spins around or sings a song. Then there is the child that fills your heart to bursting for the simplicity of his outlook on life. Yes, I am truly blessed.
I remember my children growing up and I always took time to listen to their stories and imagine today if you can, because they still reach out to me to tell me their stories. As a mother I learned the greatest of lessons from my mom to love unconditionally all, especially the children. As I sit here and type I wonder what will be because my grand babies are coming over to go in the pool and I am ready to play and swim with them because they are pure beings of love and light still and I know it. Yet, I also notice the changes that are screaming to be let free by them to be able to just be. Many children today are new souls and are clueless as to how to live in our world They need us as old souls to teach them. What better way to teach them then to love them unconditionally, hear them and explain life to them.
“A house needs a grandma in it.” -Louise May Alcott
I’m amazed at the love that fills my heart for these grand babies that are being raised by my children. I reflect back on my days of being their mom and truly can write I don’t know how I did it, except for the one fact that I loved every moment. I enjoyed being a mom and all it entailed! I live in a very large home that most days now is quiet. There is no more laughter, crying, yelling or playing. Yet in my minds eyes I can almost see them all at the dinner table. Having dinner when they were older was my favorite time as we sat for hours discussing their day. Today I believe I raised four amazing children because I simply took the time to really hear what they had to say. Now the voices of six grand babies fills my home when they visit and sadly, I know the silence will return when they leave. The beauty of my life is that I enjoy everyday just looking outside my kitchen to the love of Mother Nature that has comforted me all these years.
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
The memories of being his daughter can only be shared from the eyes of the child I was. I recall that I held on so tight to his hand when we walked the streets of our neighborhood. Even today, I could see the birds in the trees as they chirped while children played stick ball in the street. The smell of summertime was in the air as we walked to the avenue to get french fries and fried shrimp in a brown paper bag which we ate as we walked back home. I was always amazed at the fun I had with my dad just walking around our neighborhood.
“Old as she was she still missed her daddy.” -Gloria Naylor
My favorite memory of his was when he walked home from work and I could hear him whistling. These memories are stored in my heart safely from a time that filled me with wonder at the life I lived yesterday. Dad loved Mother Nature and all her beauty. Walking, swimming and being outside fueled his soul. He was nourished by all that She shared with him daily. I learned to respect Her at a young age and to never dirty Her world with paper or gum. Today these thoughts comfort me when I recall the moments shared with the man I called dad!
I miss him today mostly on Wednesdays. Why? Well that was the day I visited him weekly for years or at one time he visited me and it was his favorite day of the week. He lived in and out of mental institutions and adult homes for the last thirty years of his life. The day came when he could not put on a front of being normal for my children so he told me, “I can no longer come to your house its too difficult for me to leave my world and enter yours.” Now I know what he meant. Labelled manic-depressant because he attempted suicide he struggled for years to continue being the dad that I adored. My belief is that people who struggle with depression of any kind have had their hearts broken by someone they loved and trusted. I’m positive today that I was loved by him as deeply as I loved him.
“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” -George Herbert
He nicknamed me “author!” He believed I was a writer. He encouraged me to write a book about his life. I wrote a spiritual/fictional story about his life that I self-published but today when I reflect on my words I believe it just might have been my life as well. Making Believers: “Connect to the light within…” was in honor of my dad’s life and I showed how once one connects to the light within change is possible. Growth is essential and unconditional love is the key to opening our hearts.
I am at an age of insight and clarity. My wisdom years one might say. I have discovered the truth in the words that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. My belief is that we are here to learn how to be human beings. What if, we are here to learn the simple lesson of love? When we love we accept and forgive those that we fear. When we love we open our hearts to release love towards others. It is time in life right now to love, forgive and accept that we are all doing the best we can.
“We are here to connect with our soul!” -Linda Amato
My suggestion to you is to look at the life your father shared with you as if you were still that child and he was the greatest gift on earth to you. Be that small child in awe of a dad that can do anything and do it well. Open your heart to the memories of laughter and fun. What have you learned from your dad that puts a smile on your face?
Be in delight of the times he held your hand maybe crossing the street. Was he the dad that taught you to hunt, fish, ride a bike or drive a car? Was he the man who showed you how to hold a baseball bat, toss a ball or play hockey? Remember the times when you struggled and he was there to help you stand up again! He may have just come home on Sunday with an apple turnover just for you! Does seeing an apple turnover today remind you of him? What reminds you today of the dad he once was that puts a smile on your face?
Was he the dad who walked you down the aisle on your wedding or gave a toast in your honor? Was he simply the man you looked up to as your hero and is not capable of being a hero in your eyes today because of illness or death? Are you carrying his fears as your own today? Know its time to release the past and hug tight to your heart the memories of love and joy that you cherished as a child.
“The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams and aspirations he sets not only for himself, but for his family.” -Reed Markham
My belief is that our fathers have a very difficult time being human because they have been taught to be strong, fearless and not to show their emotions. Dads have fears too! So please be gentle with your dad today and if he no longer shares this world forgive him his fears. As a daughter, wife, sister, and mother there are many men in my life that are fathers today that I cherish. I see the struggle within to express truth because of financial concerns, illness, and having to support their family. As women we expect their strength to support us in all situations but they have to be taught to know its safe to express love and show emotion from a young age. Maybe one day our father, brothers, husbands and sons will shed the tears that bind them.
“It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons!” -Johann Friedrich Von Schiller
At one time in my life I wrote many poems when I was struggling with understanding life myself. Poetry helped me heal my fears. Here is one I would like to share that I wrote the year after my dad went home to the spirit world at the age of seventy.
I AM AT PEACE
A lifetime we shared
I as your child
You were so mild
I treasure the memory
Like pictures in a book
And the wisdom you gave me.
My heart full of pain
My body hurt so
When you had to go.
The days filled with tears
The nights without sleep
For I wanted you near.
I approach the anniversary
A year since your death
With a calmness inside
I no longer need to cry.
A cleansing of my mind
My eyes are dry
As I now say, “goodbye!”
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
“In youth we learn; in age we understand.” – Marie Ebner-Eschenbach
This morning I opened my eyes and thought of the amazing ride I have been on. I sat up in bed and fell into my morning ritual; I meditated, prayed and contemplated on being sixty-five years old. I’m amazed by this lifetime I have journeyed. My personal ride began with what I labeled as a child of this inner feeling I called, “the blues!” Today I imagine it was just fear as a child that confused me. Being scared, afraid or terrified at a young age was the norm such a long time ago. Still the feelings sit deep within my heart even today. Tears can overflow at the inner conflict for my inner child of yesterday. There was a time I buried her deeply only to discover I could not breathe without her. I realize today that fifteen years ago I embraced her holding on to my eyelids and offered her love. It was time for her to resurface and know her truth. We began a new ride. The memories of my youth are filled with drinking fighting and abusive behavior between my dad and mom. Fear filled our home only because Friday nights dad came home drunk. Mom became embarrassed and totally afraid of him!
I know that I am not the only woman to have grown up in a house with an alcoholic/manic-depressant or fearful/critical parent. In fact, I realize as a child I had no understanding of these types of labels. I did not know the ride would take me through abandonment, abuse, fear, pain, tears, death and lies over and over again. Death is a part of life but sudden unexpected deaths are terrifying at any age. My only brother to die by a drunk driver, my oldest nephew to be murdered then my beloved dad to die of lung cancer. I know that at times there was great laughter and love going up but coming down that roller coaster could almost make me topple over and crash when the fears arose.
“Why be anything other than good? Why do anything other than love!” –Johnathan Dahl
However, here I sit as a whole woman, loved, fulfilled, happy and amazed with gratitude for the experiences of my lifetime. I live a good life! I admit I struggle still today when those I love are unkind, critical or judgmental of one another. It is those times that my inner child comforts me with a memory of me climbing a tree at McCarren Park, swimming at Coney Island or just drinking Mountain Dew and eating pretzels on the stoop. It was the simplicity of yesterday that encourages me to love unconditional. I’m thrilled with the joyous memories of my childhood today because those were the moments that pushed me forward. The fearful dark memories are drifting further and further away from my inner sight.
“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” – Jim Rohn
I blame no one for the ride I chose to take because at this time in my life I believe I am an amazing wife, mother and grandmother. How did I get to this time in my life believing that my life is wonderful? It always comes back to the simple parts of the ride I believe. When my dad was dying he looked at me and said, “I had a wonderful life so don’t cry for me because you are gong to die one day too!” That was in 1998 and finally I get it!
At forty years old he attempted suicide and lived the next thirty years in and out of mental institutions supported and loved by me and my husband for anything he needed. Weekly visits were the norm when he was not hospitalized but living in an adult home facility and happy no matter what. A true loved of Mother Nature he taught me to respect her as well. With forgiveness, acceptance, kindness, unconditional love, and not taking anything personal I made these beliefs my tools. Meditation, prayer and writing in my journal are my supplements to the ride. Knowing I am connected and blessed are my gifts today.
There will always be ups and downs because there is so much to learn in the greatest of classes in life called relationships. To love, hate, fear, and anger are the cornerstones of all relationships until we end any form of confrontation, control, and criticism. There came a time on my journey when the abandonment issues of my mom settled deep within to thug at my heart. After repeated abandonment episodes like her moving to Puerto Rico because her son had died and there was no reason for her to stay in New York I would cringe at her words for a very long time. It was my dad who told me she was not a smart woman and to forgive her. Today I know I am the person I am because of her and that I would not have been able to know my gifts and talents if she remained by my side. Could this have been a contract we agreed on prior to birth?
When I discovered what an amazing ride I have experienced because of the choices and changes I made, I filled with a deep sense of gratitude. At this age I know when I sit and color with gel pens for an hour or so my inner child is happy. If I choose to take a walk, read a good book or practice some yoga poses I have reconnected with the simplicity of life that fills me with joy. When I share my wisdom with others through counseling, workshops, blogging and talking I am being of service. The wisdom we all possess rests deep within and needs to be connected to so that peace can be part of the ride. The time will come when everyone gets the chance to get off their amazing roller coaster ride and live a loving, peaceful existence. Know it is possible as I do! When you exit you will breathe a feeling of contentment and smile as you remark, “what a great ride it has been!”
Meditate! Pray! Journal!
“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”-Leo Tolstoy
As we approach the yearly day set aside to celebrate all the moms in the world, let’s extend love to all the women of the world! As we are born from our mom it is that aspect that we honor. We as women are sacred because we give life, we nurture and nourish. Our bodies are the temple to the children who choose us. How have we forgotten our greatness? How have we forgotten our truth? How did we become victims of a society that we as the temples of life gave birth to?
“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” – Nora Ephron
Being an avid reader and student of life I find it extremely upsetting to be reading the stories of abuse, fear, guilt, shame and women that feel they are victims today because of their relationship with their mother. We are more than that when we accept our truth, live our truth and gather together as community. When we share our stories, we heal. When we forgive ourselves, we heal. When we choose to forgive our moms, we heal. When we honor our moms because within we know they did the best they could, we heal. As a society of healed women our daughters will become the goddesses they are born to be.
“Go ahead unleash your INNER GODDESS today. Embrace all that FABULOSITY that is amazing you…”
Recently, I attended a gathering of women with my youngest daughter that allowed me to heal from that which no longer served me. The simple pain of a mom who did the best she could because of her own mothers fears, allowed me to do even better. I chose to be a conscious mother raising my children. There was an intuitive guidance that I received! A knowing to love unconditionally because I was setting an example. I knew I was being watched. There was this inner belief of mine that I did not own my children and all that was required of me was to listen, support, guide, be present and there for whatever needs were required of me. Even today I have learned that they still need me to be there for them, to simply listen when they need to vent. Being blessed to also be a stay at home mom I loved every aspect of being a mom.
I have been given the greatest of gifts by my children to know I did them well. I gave to them something that I did not receive from my mom but which I am aware today she never received from her mom! I forgive myself for at one time judging her. Today, I forgive her for not being able to do as I needed her to do. I thank her for teaching me to be the mom I am today.
“A Goddess is a Woman Who Breaks The Mold. She’s Who She Wants To Be … And She Offers No Apologies.” -Lisa Marie Rosati
Life seems to be like a Ferris wheel that we all get on as women because of how we were raised. We need to know we can get off the Ferris wheel and remember who we are, not who we have been told to be. As a society we need to love our children especially our daughters unconditionally because they are also the mothers of our grandchildren! As a mother of two sons as well, I am aware of their love for me, and the tenderness and love they possess for the women in their lives. They will be fathers of my granddaughters that will be a goddess of tomorrow! I am witness to the fact that I have done well by them.
“It takes someone really brave to be a mother, Someone strong to raise a child, And someone special to Love someone more than herself. -Lilly
Ask yourself what example of love have you provided to your daughters? Has it been a conditional love of punishment and abuse or an unconditional love of joy, acceptance, support and encouragement! Release that which no longer serves you because it is not your truth. Share your inner being of love with your daughter no matter what it takes from you to release your fears. Be honest when you reflect on what type of mom you are when it comes to your daughter. Maybe it is time to forgive yourself for the choices you made in the past to connect with your daughter again.
“Our daughters are the most precious of our treasures, the dearest possessions of our homes, and the objects of our most watchful love. -Margaret E. Sangster
Born in 1951 I am of the first generation that was not breast-fed due to the invention of formula. Could that have been the beginning of daughters separating from their moms. The relinquishing of truly being nourished at the breast of our mothers because society deemed it healthier to buy formula! I chose to breast feed my children and I am happy to see the young women of today returning to this simple true connection to their babies.
I believe we as women need to return to the belief that we are goddesses. We are perfect in the bodies we have. We truly possess a beauty because we are the temples for life. We must love our temples for we are setting an example for our daughters. There is no women’s body that is too skinny or too fat. Our bodies are beautiful no matter what shape they are in. My motto is to find that which creates freedom of thought.
“Calm and still is the water, no birds are in the air, the sun rises slowly to its peak. Trees stand tall, ever so strong, love is never wrong.” -Linda Amato (1994)
I wish all the women of the world a very happy and loving Goddess Day!
Meditate! Pray! Journal!
My days are filled with a thought that there is a reason for everything. Growing up as a child of an alcoholic father and a detached fearful mother, I have simply did as I have been told for most of my life. Silence was a means of my survival. Today I have discovered a connection to the Spirit world that embraces my silence as a grown woman. I do wonder how I survived in a world that filled me with delight at a young age, as well as, fear.
Why else would I escape into the books of my youth but to dream. How did I never quarrel with my parents or brother, only because I knew there was no need to. There seems to be so much chaos in life today that I am happy I grew up when I did. Alcohol and Fear made me who I am today. I embrace my life that I have lived with lessons learned and peace in my heart. My path has taken me on one amazing journey that I could never have imagined myself. But here I am living a life that is filled with believable alternatives that come from the universe and fills me with belief in a world that I know is truly great. I am safe and all is well.
I have learned of perception recently and how others perceive even me. I find it intriguing and interesting. There are so many emotions I can claim as my own from anger to disgust but why would I today. I have a question that I pull up from the depths of my soul in situations. Simply, “what would God do?” A small but powerful question that places me in the right frame of mind. God would do nothing but love is the answer. I pray to Him to help me to love as He does. To guide me on this journey that is left, free of the ego/personality that no longer serves me.
I would like to add that my love of the written word led me to be an avid reader but the most benefit I ever received was in writing the written word through the act of taking pen to paper for my entire life. Whether it was a journal, story or poetry I wrote. Even this blog releases the doubts in my mind that struggle to fill me with fear or worry but which I have no use for in my world today. I came across some poetry from my past and would like to share the following poem that I wrote in the year 1993. I believe it is appropriate at this time in my life once again.
The pattern of life has been set before our time was ever a question
Can we somehow believe to make a difference with a suggestion
Adults we become, the change we will make.
In the end, all we will feel, is the pain of heartache.
Around and around, year after year, we create an existence.
Only to always believe the world as we know it, needs some assistance.
Kindness and love, can be a special part of this family.
Unfortunately, there is no time to listen to the cries we hear steadily.
There is always tomorrow, but it simply will leave.
Then its too late, the change has not come, so we begin to grieve…
Meditate. Pray. Journal.
The Darkness of The Ego
“The words of a talebearer (a gossiper) are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly” – Proverbs 18.8, King James Version
According to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th edition, gossip means:“A person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others” and “rumor or report of an intimate nature.”
We are a society that loves to talk about one another as if it is our right to trash someone else with our words. Look at the celebrities that live in the fish bowl called, “being famous.” Their lives have become entertainment for the world. And what do we do with it but soak in the gossip we hear or read about them as if we know them personally. No wonder we have developed this belief that we as individuals have the right to gossip about another. It matters not if it is our boss, co-worker, parent, spouse, child, friend or family member. If we are trying in some way to make another look bad or feel we want to hurt them with our words, then we are also hurting ourselves. It would be helpful to ask; “Why have I chosen to speak badly about ______________?”
When we choose to enter this world of darkness it is the roar of our ego. The ego roar its ugly head towards us so we can attach to its darkness of; anger, fear, grievances, hatred, jealousy, resentment or unforgiveness. The key is to forgive ourselves first in all situations so that we can forgive others and then maybe not gossip about them. We confront another with stories that may be true or can be lies because it is how we perceive the information that we choose to share. We project onto others words that are not ours to tell especially if they are harmful to someone we know or not know.
Some of us have been raised to believe that this is normal behavior. We were witness to our parents words and actions bullying us or others. As children our parents are our first teachers and we look up to them as the best possible person that we know when young. We are not aware that their beliefs may one day be different from ours. As adults we have the choice to be a being of love and light or to live by the darkness of our ego because we were raised to not know any other way.
Those who believe that they need to gossip are addicted in some way to this behavior because they feel an inner need to speak of others as if they are superior to them. We are all ‘one’ connected by an unseen Divine Intelligence so when we hurt another by our words we are also hurting ourselves as well. Sometimes we need to stop and think before we speak about the words that will come out of our mouth. Not everyone is conscious of how they speak or act or even believe they are doing anything wrong. If in any way this article resonates with you to stop and think about your words and actions, I hope you forgive yourself and become conscious.
“Kabbalah teaches us that consciousness is everything. Not only are we responsible for what we say, but also what we do and what we allow to unfold around us. Consciousness means recognizing negative situations and taking action when necessary to stay connected to the Light.” – Kabbalah Centre
Mediate. Pray. Journal.
Why do we not choose to love in all situations?
As a woman, wife, mother and grandmother I find myself dealing with many different types of personalities that are generated by fear. I believe that we come into this world as loving beings of spirit and our purpose here is to love unconditionally. However, many believe in conditional love which is painful to behold as a child growing up. The essence of conditional love is, “if you do not do what I say, you will be punished.” Growing up in a home of fear myself because of a parent with the addiction of alcoholism I learned to be afraid. I learned to not know who I was or how to act or speak. It was this belief that allowed anger to settle into the core of my being. All I wanted to be was a child but responsibilities were forced on me at a very young age that I did not understand how to react to. A memory at 5 years of age haunts me to the point that at that moment there was no one to protect me but myself. I cringe that at such a young age I chose such a drastic defense pattern.
How does one manage to protect themself in fearful situations?
There are characterologies or what I have learned to also be called defense patterns that we develop at a young age which are not our truth but which we pick to protect ourselves. There are only five defense patterns that we choose at one time or another because of the fears of our childhood.
Schizoid is the first defense pattern which developes before or after birth because of the trauma of a hostile mother. This person evokes intellectualization. The eyes are vacant fixed and scared. The person is hyperactive and ungrounded. The defense action is to leave the body out of the top of their head when triggered as an adult today. The physical build is elongation with right/left imbalances because they are always twisted out of their body. The style of communication is in absolutes. There is a double bind for they believe, “To exist means to die.” This defense pattern demands the right to be and to exist. A schizoid’s mask statement is, “I’ll reject you before you reject me!”To set boundaries are required of this person today.
Oral … developes during babyhood feeding because of the trauma of abandonment. This person evokes mothering. The eyes are pleading like a puppy dog. This person is hypoactive with low energy. The physical build is thin with a collapsed chest. The style of communication is to ask questions. The double bind for this type of person is, “If I ask, it’s not love; if I don’t ask, I won’t get it.” This defense pattern demands the right to be nurtured and fulfilled. An Oral’s mask statement is, “I don’t need you!” This type of person needs to own their needs and stand on their own two feet.
Psychopath .. developes in early childhood because of the trauma of seduction and betrayal by a parent’s untruthfulness. This person evokes submission. Their eyes are compelling. Hyperactivity followed by collapse is the energy of this defense pattern.An inflated chest which makes this person top heavy is a sign of the psychopath. Their choice in communication is to dictate to others. Their double bind is, “Kill or be killed.” This defense pattern demands to be supported and encouraged. The psychopath’s mask statement is, “I’m right; you’re wrong!” This type of person needs to trust.
Masochist … Autonomy stage of growth is when this defense pattern developes because the child is controlled, with forced feeding and evacuation. This person evokes teasing. The eyes are suffering/confused. The physical build is that the head is forward and heavy. The energy level is hypoactive (internalized energy). Whining disgust is how they communicate. The double bind is, “If I get angry, I’ll be humiliated; if I don’t, I’ll be humiliated.” This defense pattern demands to be independent. The masochist’s mask statement is, “I’ll kill (hurt) myself before you do!”It is their need to be assertive, free, and open to spiritual connections.
Rigid … This defense begins in puberty because of sexual denial and betrayal of the heart. This person evokes competition. Sparkling, bright and present are their eyes.Their energy is high and hyperactive. The physical build is a rigid back and their pelvis is tipped back. The choice of communication is as a qualifier. “Either choice is wrong,” is their double bind. This defense pattern demands the right to have feelings (love/sex). The Rigid’s mask statement is, “Yes, but…” Interestingly it is their need to connect the heart to the genitals.
Sexuality… Schizoid/Sex to feel life force, fantasy. Oral/Sex for closeness and contact. Psychopath/Hostile,fragile,homosexual, fantasy. Masochicst/Impotence, strong interest in Pornography. Rigid/Sex with contempt.
The defensive action of these defense patterns are: Schizoid/leaves the body. Oral/life sucks. Psychopath/controls others. Masochist/demands and resists at same time. Rigid/acts appropriately, rather than authentically.
The results of their defensive action are: Schizoid/weaker body. Oral/inability to metabolize own energy. Psychopath/aggression and betrayal/drawn to self. Masochist/dependence; inability to differentiate between self and others. Rigid/inability to experience self; world is false.
The main issue of these defense patterns are: Schizoid/existential terror. Oral/Nurturance. Psychopath/betrayal. Masochist/invasion and theft. Rigid/authenticity, denial of real self.
The fears are: Schizoid/living in human body as an individual. Oral/not enough of anything. Psychopath/letting go and trusting. Masochist/being controlled; loss of self. Rigid/imperfection.
What they have experienced: Schizoid/direct aggression. Oral/lack of nurturance; abandonment. Pschopath/was used and betrayed. Masochist/invaded;humiliated. Rigid/denial of psychological and spiritual reality.
All of these defense patterns are not their truth. This was a means of protecting themself from an adult when young. Today these patterns rise as a means of defense when they are triggered by anothers words or actions. It is a cellular memory that triggers them into their defense. At some point, the child experienced trauma severe enough to begin needing to block their emotions and instead use a defense pattern for dealing with the world.
Personally, I am aware in refletion that I was a psychopathic mother and I would like to apologize to my children because I had to have scared them at times. Please forgive me because I was most likely more afraid than you.
My teacher Deborah King has opened my mind and heart to be accepting of others and to know that how they think, speak and act is a defense when triggered. To not criticize or judge someone but to look for the light within which is their truth. In learning to love oneself opens the door to love others as they are. No one knows how anyone was raised and the pain or fear they experienced. Born as spiritual beings of love and light we must learn from these lessons we chose to experience and educate ourselves on a spiritual path of healing.
Today I feel blessed to be on this amazing journey we call life. I know that there is a reason for everything and that anything is possible. I am in the process of peeling away the onion of my life, layer by layer and releasing the repressed fear, greed, lies, hatred, pride and anger that no longer serves me. All that a child at any age really needs is to know they are loved and protected by their parent. Being a parent is a powerful responsibility!
I would like to forgive my mom for I am positive today that she did the best she could because of the childhood she experienced. She was an extremely fearful woman. I am clueless to how she was raised but she has been one of my greatest teachers and for that I am grateful.
Who do you think you are?
The source of the above information is from my studies with Deborah King and she credits this information from Light Emerging by Barbara Ann Brennan.
MEDITATE. PRAY. JOURNAL