My Inner Child …
Not all memories from growing up fill me with despair.
There was joy, I know there was. There had to be!
I smile as I sit here in a very small cottage on an island called Fire Island, New York. Paradise is the only word that comes to my mind! To get here you have to take a Ferry or come by boat. There are deer walking around as the ocean roars for all to hear. Most people ride bicycles to get from town to town and transport their stuff with wagons once they arrive. Owners with their dogs are everywhere. Hurricane Sandy did much damage and many ocean front homes have been washed away or destroyed by her fury. Still, Fire Island is bursting with people who own homes, renters and day people who come for a day to bask in the sun.
In the past we came here by boat when our children were small and I dreamed of a house of my own one day in this magical land. The Universe answered my pray and nine years ago my husband found what I named Heart Beat Haven! This small cottage is attached to a 5 bedroom house with two full baths, kitchen, living room, deck and an outdoor shower. This is the first summer the big house has not been rented. In the past we shared our ‘little cottage’ with our children, family and friends. ‘Little cottage’ is little, a room with a futon, sink, refrigerator and small back deck. A spiral staircase placed in the corner takes you upstairs to a bedroom and bathroom. Simply, Paradise!
I marvel at the memory of my childhood. A stoop to sit on or a walk around the block during the summer. On weekends maybe Coney Island beach or Rockaway beach by train. The truth is I was happy with very little. There was a freedom in no school and a few chores to help my mom. Life was family, friends and simplicity. I was maybe 5 years old when we lived in Greenpoint, NY and watched fireworks on the roof top over Manhattan. We struggled with episodes of my dad drunk and my mother terrified of him but there were good times. We had very little, not even a car but I never wanted for anything. Both my parents worked and today I know they did the best they could because look who I have become.
As a mom of 4 grown children and 4 grand babies I marvel the time we spend together from boating with my children every summer when they were small and now enjoying my grand babies as they jump for joy when a deer passes by them or comes by the deck to eat. My life has grown tremendously from taking care of a drunken dad, a fearful mom and a beaten brother. My husband has provided us with a life that is abundant by the grace of God. We have shared our homes and our hearts as best we could.
IAM positive that if you asked my 4 grown children of their childhood you would get 4 totally different stories. In my heart I know they were loved and given a life that I myself could never have imagined. May they take their childhood memories and treasure how we as their parents tried to give them all that we had never had! We love them as we were taught how to love. My husband has shared with our sons all that he loved; hunting, fishing, boating and building of homes. He has shared our daughters dreams and supported their choices.
We are such a different generation compared to today’s because they have so much more. Yet, I wonder about the lack of respect, the influence of society taking its toll on them. I pray their inner child is able to one day embrace the love, the joy, the laughter and take the lessons learned with an open heart. I believe the hardest lessons in life is being true to oneself and to release negativity and look for the positive in all situations. We are a society that have created this need to expect too much because we want so much more than our parents ever had. There comes a time when we need to be grateful for the life we have, those we love and the air we breathe.
Pray, Meditate, Journal …