The Ultimate Guide to Processing Loss

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There is sadness, and an ache for all that will never be. The loss is part of life as change is the process. Nothing ever stays the same. We live, and we die. We discover, and we make choices. Sometimes they are excellent choices and sometimes they are not. My thought is about processing the loss we experience. The only thing that is constant in all our lives is change.

“Mostly it is the loss which teaches us about the worth of things.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

The loss of our loved ones, the loss of our relationships, our jobs and even the loss of our pets. Terrorism is a loss, as well as drastic changes in our weather, fire, and hurricanes. There is a loss where a person you love cannot find their place in life and ends up as a loss to themselves and others. They only are fighting a battle that they cannot win unless they incorporate change into their existence.

Life can be dark. Life can be scary and feel unsafe for some. The loss is that which we cannot release as the pain seeps deep into our mind and body. We get that lump in our throats when triggered by another’s loss. We know our loss, and we feel their loss. How do we deal with these nightmares in our lives? The loss we feel is simply the horror that we experience or one we anticipate.

Tears need to fall. Tears are required to stream down our face and wet our lips as we process the pain of loss. Does it matter what type of damage there is? No! What is important is that we handle the loss and deal with the pain through meditation, prayer, journaling, and by embracing Mother Nature.

“Grief is NOT a disorder, a disease or sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman

To embrace Mother Nature, we stroll through the streets of our neighborhood, walk through a park, sit in the sand at the beach. We need to breathe in the essence of her beauty to heal the heart that is wounded. Her vision will allow us to taste the salt air on our lips as the sun warms our face! To be grounded in the presence of Mother Nature will heal us. As we heal others will heal as well.

Many years ago when I was struggling with a loss of self actually, it was a daily walk outside and at the beach that comforted me. I felt connected to something that was bigger than me. I felt loved by the beauty of nature. It took me some time to heal and find that I could love me as I am. There was no loss anymore sitting within. I grew from the experience of this as we all can grow from any loss that we allow to shut us down.

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Death is a significant loss of life for everyone. I have decided to stop counting the deaths in my life experience. I cannot imagine how much more will come. As I cannot choose who lives or dies, it is my freedom to accept that change, loss and death are part of the game. I believe that we are eternal beings, so there is no death just a transition from this life to the other side of the veil.

“No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories.” – Chris Sorensen

The process of life and death which equals loss is to grieve as long as is necessary. To cry, go to bed but for no longer than 48 hours with the covers over our head. Disconnect from life for a few days and feel the pain. Journal. Meditate. Pray. It will help us and those we are grieving if we pray for them. There is no set time to grieve. We must grieve those we lose to their transition. I always imagine that life and death is a tremendous plan we incorporate in the spirit world before we arrive as part of the game of life.

I recall, years ago when my brother died my mom wore black for two years. In looking back, my grandmother wore black all of her life because of the deaths of her many children. Was it a way of showing the world, ‘I am in pain.’ ‘I am grieving a loss.’ ‘I am sad.’ Today we seem to jump right back into our lives and forget to stop and mourn. To breathe in the death and loss of someone we loved is extremely necessary. Eventually, illness will surface if we do not take the time to grieve our loss.

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Life has a blanket around each of us that is comforting at times, but at other moments it seems not to be able to keep us warm. It can be itchy or too thin! The drama in our lives that surround a loss is the sadness of the heart for that which will never be. Can we scream and beat ourselves up for something that we have no control over. No! Can we blame ourselves for something we have no control over when something or someone comes to its end? No!

The loss we all experience is part of life as we change and grow into our awareness. It matters not the type of loss but that we take the time to feel the pain. We need to reflect on our lives and our loves. We will heal from that which has changed because our lives are all eternal.

Loss of self is the hardest for the person and those around them. To not understand because of confusion, to change ever so slowly on a daily basis because the mind is confused. The onset of dementia creeps into an entire families world not only the victim of said illness. Dementia changes the mind as well as the way the person acts because the memory begins to fade. It is almost as if they do not even know if they spoke or not. The sadness that surfaces are coupled with anger because they do not know if they spoke out loud, inside their heads or did not speak at all. It must feel as if they are going insane to them.

“It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

Years can pass by and still there is something different, but no one can grasp the significance of dementia that is creeping into their lives. We as a society expect those we love, as they age to have loss of memory. However, loss of memory and dementia are different because of the confusion that sets in as well. It is not a matter of where I put the keys but more about what are the keys for with dementia.

All loss fills us with pain. All loss is sad. All loss at one time or another will touch all of our lives. The loss of our lives is part of the game of life. We simply need to become aware and prepare ourselves that loss is possible. The loss we get to experience is part of life!

Pray! Meditate! Juornal!

www.LindaAmato.com

 

 

LA BELIEVES IN LOVE

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The innocence of my life was that I loved. The path of my life has led me on a journey that I never questioned or wondered about. Placing one step in front of the other I walked forward trusting and believing in my destiny. I imagine at times that fear gripped me and tried to delay that which I needed to learn by the power of  my ego to fill my head because of the situation of my home life. The journey has a way of allowing us to stumble at times and pick ourselves up and move forward on this path we call life.

Raised in to believe in God, I went to Catholic school where real nuns in black dresses and huge rosary beads put fear and belief in sin in everyone. That I loved was simply my foundation of being taught to be a good girl. The rituals of my religion I embraced with open arms. Prayer, church and confession were weekly if not sometimes daily. Somehow when I was younger the air on Sunday was different to me. The sounds and people on a Sunday were different, as well.  I cannot explain it but Sunday was a holy day and a family day. The silence in the air I imagine today was because no one worked and all the stores were closed. It was peaceful to go to the Avenue and find that every store was closed. This was a time when there were no malls imagine that! My dad would go to the bakery and after church we had cheese Danishes and apple turnovers. When I was older and no longer in Catholic school I skipped church and walked the Avenue. Once in high school there was no one to answer to and the taste of freedom too great. Needless to say, I held fast to my prayers but the rituals of my childhood slipped away. I was too busy now.

What does the word love really mean? Love in the dictionary states a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend. Such innocence of affection led me to marry my childhood boyfriend and begin one amazing ride. We grew up during these past forty-four years together in our marriage. We truly lived an existence that was separate at times and filled with emotion at others. I was taught by my parents as he was taught by his about how to be in a relationship. I cannot speak for his childhood because I was not living in his home. Mine although briefly described prior to this page, I saw a father who cherished his wife although he scared her to death because of his addictions. It was this witnessing of separation between them as my brother and I went with my dad everywhere and during the last thirty years of his life it was I who spent time with him and cherished him. My mom’s detachment due to fear of him and me allowed her to favor my brother so the lesson I learned was to favor no one.  My husband and I had created a separate existence through the years while raising four children. I find this interesting to realize today because our roles somehow reflected a part of our own upbringing.

Blessed to be a stay at home mom it was my husband who has provided everything for our family. His drive and desires enabled us to live a life filled with abundance. A man of many talents he is a builder of homes today because he started his journey in construction but at one time he owned and ran two restaurants, a resale automobile business and a record label, as well as, being a manager for our daughter’s singing career.

Still I wonder always when did the innocence leave. Is it simply part of living at this time on planet earth that somehow, somewhere more became a requirement to exist. Why did we choose to go further than our parents in every way? Was it offered to us because of our education, beliefs or simply the fact that change and growth is part of the plan for everyone. An example I think of was that I grew up without a car. At one time we had seven cars in our home. Another would be; I grew up with a telephone only in the kitchen. Our house had one in every bedroom and there were five, living room and even in our master bathroom which brought it to a total of eight. Is this all considered progress, want or necessity.

Now that we are alone in our large house we have only one television in the living room and we have downsized to five telephones and three cars. My life is abundant and yes I am grateful beyond words for the ride i have been allowed to experience. My yesterdays have taken me to a place of deep understanding that there is a reason for everything and there are no mistakes ever in life.

To come … the children!

Pray. Meditate. Journal

www.LindaAmato.com

LA BELIEVES …

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Simplify Your Life… Choose Love!

There seems to me that the process of life is laid out and one can be accepting of its needs or not. I strive through intention to surround those in need with the Dove of Love. I believe only the Dove of Love can be shared and passed on for love is all that is needed to wipe away one’s tears in the night or day. It is the strength of all to find a means to survive with love as the main ingredient that is most likely missing. It is foolish for anyone to believe that love is not necessary for them to feel happy or complete. Love is definitely a source of light to live by. Let me explain what I mean by the Dove of Love which to me seems a way for me to just do a visualization that is a means of sending love out to those in need by having a white dove deliver love, peace and calmness to all who need love in their life for whatever reason because they have popped into my mind. A simple intention of love being sent from me to you.

As we are joined one and all to each other by the bond that we share life on this planet. It is the air we breathe, the sun that warms us, the sea that calms us and the earth that grounds us and fills us with beauty. It is this unity of life which is the fact that we are all one. It is not hard to remember this but easy to ignore that love connects us all. Take a look at your own thoughts to find balance and beauty in life daily.

As children we are amazed by the wonder, excitement and joy of life. Unfortunately, we grow to mistrust the freedoms of yesterday and follow instead a society type of belief. The ugliness, competition, pettiness and monetary values tend to create our new belief. Are we foolish to believe otherwise? Can it be that the lessons of life are simply just the choices we create to learn from? It is those of us who refuse to learn from our own choices that require one to stop and pay attention to the pattern of their own creations. We are the only ones who can choose to stop and learn from our thoughts, words and actions.

If there is illness of any kind, sadness, grief or depression then please take a look at your emotions and reactions on a daily basis. Pay attention to how you feel; are you angry, nasty, or abusive in any way.? Have you developed a pattern that can now be considered confrontational? Are you addictive? Do you in someway believe that you must control life in general? Do you believe you are unworthy or a victim. Are you having difficulty forgiving others from your past? STOP! Release that which no longer serves you today.

Life is to live!  Life is to grow!  Life is to love! When we choose to differ and refuse love then we are betraying only ourselves. When we know we are not honest and create a life that destroys the love for ourselves or another we are willingly denying love into our lives. If it is your choice to be dishonest, deceitful, a liar or simply just unkind to those you claim to love then the pain that is greatest lies within. This dishonesty, betraying and lying to others begins to affect us in ways that are painful as it contradicts our inner beliefs. The innocence of life is gone and one fills with pain and illness that one has simply created. It is the process of life to trust that there is a process created by God called; love, honesty and the strength of kindness which creates beauty into ones life. Where there is beauty and light there is expansion of oneself that fills one with abundance to breathe in the love of life. As we unfold into finding love we become receptive to our own awareness and insight. Further benefit can be obtained through prayer and meditation.

Prayer, Mediation, Journal

www.LindaAmato.com

 

LA BELIEVES…

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Today I Embrace My Path…

 

As I sit at the table on my deck in the backyard on this beautiful sunny morning I feel connected to a Divine Intelligence. Birds are singing in the tress and the water is flowing by ever so silently. There seems to be a stillness in the air that is comforting. I understand that I need to be part of life to live life. In reality I am more comfortable being alone because I enjoy the company of the universe. I am neither bored nor feel as if I am missing something. It is this beauty and wonder I feel for life that surrounds me and fulfills me. It simply is the need for nothing. I have everything I can think of. This simplicity and beauty of life fills me with joy. I am abundantly fulfilled.

I feel protected and satisfied on this path I am following as I am aligning my life’s goals and purpose. There is a time for all things in one’s life if one is patient, honest, truthful and noble. The part I am learning today is that I must join the human race. This is not easy for me because I have comforted myself in the silence of a lifetime by being a spiritual loving and giving woman. I believe that I have grown beyond a need or reason to teach my children any more. They have learned all they can from me. Now they make choices as adults in their life that they are offered by the universe. Sometimes they just need that connection to me as a means of verification.

I am a child myself learning about all that I can be. I need at this time to play and fill with joy at all that is waiting for me to embrace; to see life through the eyes of children again. My dreams are joyfully filled with wonder by my grand babies as well as the flow of water that I am witness to every day. I am offered an emotional energy that fills me with intuition by the waters of my dreams and daily existence. Water nourishes my soul as it offers me a spiritual alignment with the powers of the universe. I find this to be a connection to the depths of my soul. I am overwhelmed with the emotions of my life at times because they are not what I had expected from myself. It is the ability of feeling connected with all and not separate from but whole that is harmonious.

My strength has always been my children. My greatness is them. I miss the joy and love I surrounded our days with as a mom in the past. Yes, there are telephone calls and questions daily but the time to move on past the walls of just being a mom is now. This change of being a creative, productive woman is upon me in its fullest capacity. I believe I have completed being the woman I was yesterday only because of the strength my children possess today to fulfill their own paths. I have nurtured and nourished them with unconditional love and I am aware that I have to let them fly out into the world and do their own work now.

I notice that my soul/personality is screaming extremely loudly to be heard. My soul is satisfied by my choices and is brightly lit. It is my personality my heart that is bruised and wounded but the comfort of my soul is stronger than the discomfort my personality is going through. The wonder of my whole existence is now the knowledge within which is the truth of how I am and all that I am capable of. If my emotions are bruised it is because as a human being it is part of the journey of life to feel and experience that which we need to learn from. It is fine for me to acknowledge the pain within caused by a life I chose to exist in. For now I believe I need to cleanse myself of that which I no longer need in my life. I will then be nourished by the spirit of my soul.

All in all I am accepting of the changes I have made and realize how the strength and belief in oneself brings one power to be. At times I move slowly and seem to revert  back of my own free will to old thoughts. There are endings and beginnings in life and a new beginning can only start with an end of the old, a sort of completion is required as I accept what is today.

I myself look for reasons and excuses when I know the truth yet cannot acknowledge it is so. I am in a state of suspension, a limbo as I wait for my true purification of yesterday. As a balanced, enlightened soul I am dwelling on the change of my lifetime and emotionally I worry of its effect on those I love.

I am not a different me. I am a true me. My choices are for me and the universe. To be joined in unity with love. I see we are all one, all connected. The pain caused to one hurts all. To believe otherwise or that there is separateness is to deceive oneself. There can only be love in life to belong to each other. With no love, no kindness, and no joy one’s light deems.

I believe that the greatest lesson is that change is healthy and required to find one’s way. To love with pain and knowledge of despair is true love. The pain is the emotional aspect of rejection because the blood of love pumps through our veins. My soul requires no answers or reasons why, for a new life is possible once the old one no longer works.

Pray, Meditate, Journal

www.LindaAmato.com