THE KEYS OF FREEDOM

As a lover of the written word, I have spent my entire life taking pen to paper. Some may call it a form of therapy. I believe it is a release of that which no longer serves me that my mind clings to. In 1984, I began the journey of writing poetry to deal with stress in my life. For years I rarely felt the neeed to write a poem but more a type of journal writing when needed. In December of 2016 I was at a workshop with my teacher Deborah King in California. As I normally start my day with prayer, meditation and writing I started to write the following poem. I hope you are inspired by my words. My release. My form of therapy!

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I almost lost myself
“The Me of Me!”
In my Spirituality
I became numb to myself
“My Inner Reality!”
Never again,
Shall I stuff down deep within
“My Personality!”

I have laughed …
I have cried …
I needed to die …
From the woman I created
To please those who chose to berate
The brilliance of my light
But the darkness I dove into
Showed “Me.”
I needed to fight
For, “The Me of Me!”
To set “Me” Free …

Freedom is essential
I clearly now see
As a child raised in fear
I silenced the “Me” without a tear
I became a wife on a journey
Of discovery to finally hear

The voice of my inner child’s cry;
“Embrace me for I do not want to die,
Pull me free from the depths of this despair,
For I cannot breathe without your care …”

So I held onto her fingertips
From deep within my being
Knowing it was time to pull her
Up from an inner sorrow,
I was witnessing …

Struggling at first
because of the years
Of neglect of my inner beliefs
I discovered a voice to unravel
“The Me of Me …”

I had roared loudly as a mom
Filled with love, joy, and happiness
Proud of the honor to be chosen
So I became fearlessly
An advocate for those who needed “Me …”

My sanity I was gifted!
As their mom, I was bold
My Passion!
My Purpose!
Allowed me to unfold

With joy for the chores of my life
Stronger beyond even I knew,
I was able to handle all strife …

One may wonder of the time needed
To hug “Me” into becoming my Truth
A week …
A month …
A year …
For “Me” it seemed a lifetime
Of Journaling – Reading – Writing Poetry
By releasing my fears and finally
Allowing the tears!

Still, I subdued the real “Me of Me,”
Behind my Spirituality
Once again I silenced a part of my
Inner child’s laughter, joy, and happiness
Through this new sacred personality!

Today I believe as a spiritual being
I am here to experience my human creation
As I am,
The Divine Presence of God
In action
The “I” that “I AM,”
The “Me of Me.”
Finally …

Thankful!
Grateful!
Joyful!
For the lessons, I learned
Offers an acceptance for the
Sacrifices made,
By those who loved “Me,”
As I loved “them.”
Whether they be family
or friend.

I was aware of a vast resource
on the Ring of Keys!
The Discovery of my
Key of Freedom has
Opened the door
For me to experience more

Which then led “Me” to the
Key of Forgiveness!
To move forward on the path of my
Intended life experience
Once I embraced the Key of Forgiveness!
I experienced the
Key of Gratefulness!

Love…
Light…
Laughter…
Are the Keys to all spiritual passion,
And where I discovered my purpose,
The reason I was born!
The joy of being whole
Now living a large life
No longer being small

The memories of the “smallness,”
I achieved can be released
Today,
I know the path I traveled
Whether silent or not,
fueled my desires

My soul needed to feel nourished
and to be nurtured
Immediately!
So that I could spiritually divorce myself
from an unhealthy
Reality!

Still, I continued to struggle
With who I now was
To believe I could
Grow “Me” to be a better “Me,”
Filled with insight and a new reality!

It seems my belief of going within
For answers to my pain
Ignited a “Love of Self,”
I cherish, which erased
The belief I was insane…

Although I question if this has always been
“The Me of Me…”
Just silently waiting to claim “Me.”
As one who knows that everyone
Has the right to be free!

It is the core of my essence
I’ve connected with
joyfully…
Allowing my truth to unfold
courageously!

My soul is aware it is
nourished beyond and above
More than I could have ever imagined
Through the practice of
Prayer…
Meditation…
Intention…
And Love!

Pray. Meditate. Journal.

www.LindaAmato.com

LA BELIEVES IN LOVE…

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Why do we not choose to love in all situations?

As a woman, wife, mother and grandmother I find myself dealing with many different types of personalities that are generated by fear. I believe that we come into this world as loving beings of spirit and our purpose here is to love unconditionally. However, many believe in conditional love which is painful to behold as a child growing up. The essence of conditional love is, “if you do not do what I say, you will be punished.” Growing up in a home of fear myself because of a parent with the addiction of alcoholism I learned to be afraid. I learned to not know who I was or how to act or speak. It was this belief that allowed anger to settle into the core of my being. All I wanted to be was a child but responsibilities were forced on me at a very young age that I did not understand how to react to. A memory at 5 years of age haunts me to the point that at that moment there was no one to protect me but myself. I cringe that at such a young age I chose such a drastic defense pattern.

How does one manage  to protect themself in fearful situations?

There are characterologies or what I have learned to also be called defense patterns that we develop at a young age which are not our truth but which we pick to protect ourselves. There are only five defense patterns that we choose at one time or another because of the fears of our childhood.

Schizoid is the first defense pattern which developes before or after birth because of the trauma of  a hostile mother. This person evokes intellectualization. The eyes are vacant fixed and scared. The person is hyperactive and ungrounded. The defense action is to leave the body out of the top of their head when triggered as an adult today. The physical build is elongation with right/left imbalances because they are always twisted out of their body. The style of communication is in absolutes. There is a double bind for they believe, “To exist means to die.”  This defense pattern demands the right to be and to exist. A schizoid’s mask statement is, “I’ll reject you before you reject me!”To set boundaries are required of this person today.

Oral … developes during babyhood feeding because of the trauma of abandonment.  This person evokes mothering. The eyes are pleading like a puppy dog. This person is hypoactive with low energy. The physical build is thin with a collapsed chest. The style of communication is to ask questions. The double bind for this type of person is, “If I ask, it’s not love; if I don’t ask, I won’t get it.” This defense pattern demands the right to be nurtured and fulfilled.  An Oral’s mask statement is, “I don’t need you!” This type of person needs to own their needs and stand on their own two feet.

Psychopath .. developes in early childhood because of the trauma of seduction and betrayal by  a parent’s untruthfulness. This person evokes submission. Their eyes are compelling. Hyperactivity followed by collapse is the energy of this defense pattern.An inflated chest which makes this person top heavy is a sign of the psychopath. Their choice in communication is to dictate to others. Their double bind is, “Kill or be killed.” This defense pattern demands to be supported and encouraged. The psychopath’s mask statement is, “I’m right; you’re wrong!” This type of person needs to trust.

Masochist … Autonomy stage of growth is when this defense pattern developes because the child is controlled, with forced feeding and evacuation. This person evokes teasing. The eyes are suffering/confused. The physical build is that the head is forward and heavy. The energy level is hypoactive (internalized energy). Whining disgust is how they communicate. The double bind is, “If I get angry, I’ll be humiliated; if I don’t, I’ll be humiliated.” This defense pattern demands to be independent. The masochist’s mask statement is, “I’ll kill (hurt) myself before you do!”It is their need to be assertive, free, and open to spiritual connections.

Rigid … This defense begins in puberty because of sexual denial and betrayal of the heart. This person evokes competition. Sparkling, bright and present are their eyes.Their energy is high and hyperactive.  The physical build is a rigid back and their pelvis is tipped back. The choice of communication is as a qualifier. “Either choice is wrong,” is their double bind. This defense pattern demands the right to have feelings (love/sex). The Rigid’s mask statement is, “Yes, but…” Interestingly it is their need to connect the heart to the genitals.

SexualitySchizoid/Sex to feel life force, fantasy. Oral/Sex for closeness and contact. Psychopath/Hostile,fragile,homosexual, fantasy. Masochicst/Impotence, strong interest in Pornography. Rigid/Sex with contempt.

The defensive action of these defense patterns are: Schizoid/leaves the body. Oral/life sucks. Psychopath/controls others. Masochist/demands and resists at same time. Rigid/acts appropriately, rather than authentically.

The results of their defensive action are: Schizoid/weaker body. Oral/inability to metabolize own energy. Psychopath/aggression and betrayal/drawn to self. Masochist/dependence; inability to differentiate between self and others. Rigid/inability to experience self; world is false.

The main issue of these defense patterns are: Schizoid/existential terror. Oral/Nurturance. Psychopath/betrayal. Masochist/invasion and theft. Rigid/authenticity, denial of real self.

The fears are: Schizoid/living in human body as an individual. Oral/not enough of anything. Psychopath/letting go and trusting. Masochist/being controlled; loss of self. Rigid/imperfection.

What they have experienced: Schizoid/direct aggression. Oral/lack of nurturance; abandonment. Pschopath/was used and betrayed. Masochist/invaded;humiliated. Rigid/denial of psychological and spiritual reality.

All of these defense patterns are not their truth. This was a means of protecting themself from an adult when young. Today these patterns rise as a means of defense when they are triggered by anothers words or actions. It is a cellular memory that triggers them into their defense. At some point, the child experienced trauma severe enough to begin needing to  block their emotions and instead use a defense pattern for dealing with the world.

Personally, I am aware in refletion that I was a psychopathic mother and I would like to apologize to my children because I had to have scared them at times. Please forgive me because I was most likely  more afraid than you.

My teacher Deborah King has opened my mind and heart to be accepting of others and to know that how they think, speak and act is a defense when triggered. To not criticize or judge someone but to look for the light within which is their truth. In learning to love oneself opens the door to love others as they are. No one knows how anyone was raised and the pain or fear they experienced. Born as spiritual beings of love and light we must learn from these lessons we chose to experience and educate ourselves on a spiritual path of healing.

Today I feel blessed to be on this amazing journey we call life. I know that there is a reason for everything and that anything is possible. I am in the process of peeling away the onion of my life, layer by layer and releasing the repressed fear, greed, lies, hatred, pride and anger that no longer serves me.  All that a child at any age really needs is to know they are loved and protected by their parent. Being a parent is a powerful responsibility!

I would like to forgive my mom for I am positive today that she did the best she could because of the childhood she experienced. She was an extremely fearful woman. I am clueless to how she was raised  but she has been one of my greatest teachers and for that I am grateful.

Who do you think you are?

The source of the above information is from my studies with Deborah King and she credits this information from Light Emerging by Barbara Ann Brennan.

MEDITATE. PRAY. JOURNAL

www.LindaAmato.com

www.DeborahKing.com

LA BELIEVES IN LOVE

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As I travel forward on my journey in this second month of the new year I have taken time to heal. Suddenly on December 22, 2015 I had severe pain in my solar plexus. Finally being admitted to the hospital I had to have an operation to remove my gallbladder. I was released on Christmas Eve to be home for the holidays. I have never had any type of surgery in my 64 years of living. Here I was needing pain meds and anesthesia. The four times I was admitted into a hospital was to bring my beautiful babies to life naturally. When I write I am never sick please believe me that this is a truth I hold proudly to. I don’t even have a doctor! I believe the universe stepped in and threw me a fork in the road.

For one month I took the time to continue meditating, praying, writing in my journal, saying affirmations and coloring. Interestingly enough I decided to take the time to color mandalas one each for the seven chakras in their perspective colors. This action was meditative and thoughtful as I tried to release that which no longer served me.

My belief has always been that there is a reason for everything that we manifest in our lives. Our thoughts, words and action are truly powerful. Our solar plexus is Charka 3 in the body and the color is yellow. The demon of this chakra is shame. This is our body’s power chakra, our will, purpose and action. Our self-worth, self-esteem and personal power. The medical issues for this chakra are:

  • problems with the pancreas, including diabetes and hypoglycemia
  • digestive difficulties, such as gastric or duodenal ulcers
  • liver problems, including cirrhosis, hepatitis and liver cancer
  • hiatal hernia
  • Gallstones
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Varicose veins
  • problems with the spleen

Looking at this list I do have varicose veins since a very young age and I learned that I had gallstones which jumped out of the gallbladder and filled me with severe pain. In shock and questioning the doctor, I learned that I had these gallstones for about 30 years and that it was inherited if my mom had her gallbladder out, which she did. Also that becoming a mother had something to do with it. A lightbulb went off in my head when he mentioned 30 years.

For the past 15 years I have been a vegetarian and for two of those years I was a vegan. I changed my life by empowering myself with affirmations, meditation, and prayer. At fifty years of age I went to school and started a business. I counsel one-on-one clients as well as holding workshops and weekend long retreats for women. I self-published a book and write this blog. I am extremely positive in my beliefs and very alternative across the board daily. I also continue my studies when it comes to the chakras, spirituality, and learning from Deborah King.

As I sit and type this as my view on this episode, I understand better today the power of the universe. The past had to be released finally from my body. The projections of others growing up as well as my present life situations. To love unconditionally cannot be taught but it can be seen, I believe. My eyes were opened to my review of my journey and the words I had drilled into my head at a young age. I had no signs that I could put my finger on but there were many moments of despair through the years. At first I felt that I lost something or that I failed at my life because of this imbalance in my third energy center. As crazy as this is to read I feel free, open and as if something was removed from me that no longer served me.

Deborah King writes in her book Truth Heals the following:

An unbalanced third energy center may be expressed in either outward push mode (the aggressor) or inward collapse mode (the victim). Co-dependent relationships are fertile breeding grounds for this push/collapse dynamic. One person pays the role of “can-do” while the other acts out the “can’t-do” – both are dis-empowered. Those with collapsed third energy centers often feel doubtful, indecisive and lacking in self-confidence.

To support an increase in energy, vitality and connection to self, I often recommend that people spend a portion of their day in the sun, preferably in the early  morning or just before sunset. Engaging in any physical movement awakens and recharges your body, especially first thing in the morning. Try some form of intentional movement like t’ai chi, yoga or pilates, preferably outside. Gardening is another wonderful antidote to a frantic, fast-paced routine. Anything that allows you to slow down and become acquainted with who you are and what you really feel is key.

My path is clearer today than yesterday. There comes a time in one’s life where we must decide to get to know our truth and what is our passion and purpose. As a child I always wanted to be a teacher and writer. Today I feel that I live my passion and purpose in all that I do. With my husband, four amazing children, five grand babies, friends/family and wonderful clients and soul sisters in the Deborah King’s Soul family I am loving this ride.

Meditate. Pray. Journal

www.LindaAmato.com