THE SHADOWS OF LIFE

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As we travel close to the holiday season I have been reflecting on the changes in my personal life this past year. In the past I tended to fear change but today I welcome it as part of my growth process. Fear is the main function of belief that is claimed by most of us daily. We fear lots of things that either were handed down to us from our parents or society, as well as, many adults in our lives.

When I take time to journal, meditate and pray daily I am blessed with a tender connection to spirit. Intuition flows and insight is received. Sometimes with clarity, guidance and support. These actions of mine taken daily free me from my past. Yet, life seems so fearful for many because they do not take the time to search within themself for answers. That we all have a shadow side means we either nourish the dark side through fear or hold on tight to the light side of our essence by embracing ourselves with love. The greatest nourishment to our shadow side is of course fear!

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt…” – William Shakespeare

What do we fear most … death, drugs, divorce, abuse, abandonment, lack, feeling unworthy, low self-esteem but mostly that we are not lovable and therefore do not deserve to be loved. My belief  about life has changed drastically these past years especially when it comes to what we believe about death. The wonder of life is that no one truly knows what happens once we are pronounced dead. My thought is that we are eternal beings and our body is just a vehicle for our soul that crosses over the veil from this life. We cannot see, touch or be with a loved one that transitions over but we can hold them tightly within our hearts and still communicate with them.

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Can it be that drugs, divorce, abuse, abandonment, lack, feeling unworthy, low self-esteem and that we are not lovable are the lessons we chose to experience this lifetime. We are beings of light and love so we come to planet earth to grow our souls and balance our karma from past lives. There is nothing to fear when you believe that there is a reason for everything. How many can say that they believe and know that there are no accidents. Of course, it is so hard to grasp that we chose our parents, our life experience  and everyone we know to learn who we are.

What is our truth? How can we balance our karma? Forgiveness is the key to balance. Acceptance is the door that opens when we no longer are judgmental or critical of another. Maybe it is time now to ‘flip’ our own thought process when it comes to how we believe, speak and act. I imagine the ability to ‘flip’ comes from the depths of compassion we show another because we see their fear so clearly. Can we not as a society make the decision to offer love in place of fear to one who is full of fear? The terrors of life are what separates each us from our unity as spiritual beings having a human experience.

“Be grateful for yourself… be thankful…” – William Saroyan

For those who feel they were abandoned by a parent, spouse, child or friend and have low self-esteem, feel unworthy and unlovable what are the opposites of these but to love who we are as we are, to know we are worthy, lovable and that we asked to experience abandonment to grow, balance and live our truth. Let it all go. Leave it up to God. Release what no longer serves you. Think out of the box. Find that which creates freedom of thought today! Ask yourself why do you take everything so personal? There is a human need to punish each other only because the punisher feels that something is being done to him or her because of fear.

In reflection of my own life I was raised by two extremely different parents: a fearful judgmental mom and an alcoholic, manic-depressant dad! To me I thought my dad was the wisest man I ever met and I was capable of loving him unconditionally for 30 years while  he lived in and out of mental institutions. Still, I saw no fault in him. I imagine today that was because he was the greatest teacher for this life-experience and I chose him. That my dad sacrificed his life as an alcoholic and manic-depressant for me fills me with a deep understanding of the plans we choose in life to know who we are.

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There was a time I felt abandoned by  my mom over and over again but today I know I was able to grow to the person I am today because of her. My heart and soul thanks her daily for all that I have learned because I chose her as my mom. My mom is 85 years old and in the full stages of dementia for years now. She does not know me or any of her family members. I thank her for commitment to herself and to what she needed to do for me so that I was able to grow to the woman I am today! I imagine how easy life could be for many if they opened their hearts to those they love daily and embrace them unconditionally with gratitude for triggering them, and being the best teacher for them. I find it eye-opening that life is definitely not like we have all been taught or led to believe.

“When I first open my eyes upon the morning meadows and look out upon the beautiful world, I thank God I am alive…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lets imagine that the shadows, darkness, fears and anger are what we chose to learn from. Instead of trying to figure out what is wrong with us, let’s be grateful for the roles we have played in our movie of life as well as those we chose to support us in our movie.

PRAY. MEDITATE. JOURNAL.

www.LindaAmato.com

LA BELIEVES …

My Inner Child

I wonder if at any given time during a persons life experience can the issues of their parents despair resurface?

Can abandonment be heredity?

Can anger be a seed planted to grow from generation to generation?

Aren’t we all One destined to experience a consciousness as One?

Does it not matter the love and support in ones life?

Why do most of us choose the fear and disappointment to cling to?

Why do we choose fear and not Love in most situations?

Why if fear which stems from the Ego and Love from God – do we gravitate towards fear?

What is this attachment we have to fear?

Do we gift our children on their journeys with our fears, unhealed wounds and personal negative beliefs for them to discover their truth?

Is it required that we heal first so they be healed?

What is God’s plan really for everyone?

I fell asleep the other night thinking of my mom. I miss her. I read a long time ago that you are never to go longer than two weeks from seeing your mom. I haven’t seen my mom in 2 years and 3 months. I have spoken to her on the telephone but she has no clue who IAM. Her choices in life have affected mine ever since I can remember. Sadly, there is nothing I can do now that she has dementia. Still I miss her. I miss a woman I never got to know!

It seems that the children of today are reminding me of my childhood at this time. While driving the other day, I imagined I saw her – my inner child jumping for joy and happy. However, I remember a time in the past when she hung on for dear life to survive the despair she suffered from. Today though she is healed from yesterday by the simple act of my acceptance of those I journey this life experience with. Throw in my belief that love is key and anything is possible.

The woman IAM today carries a sadness for the children of today. Many suffer from addictions to drug, alcohol and money. All suffer from the need to be acknowledged for who they are and all that they do. They lack the ability to just be themselves. They are not aware of their power, passion or purpose in life. We as a society are responsible for their belief in needing more, expecting more and at times demanding their right to have more which has wounded them to the depths of their soul. We as a society have forgotten that the best in life is the simplest. A sunrise, sunset, a walk, a hug, laughter or even just a kind word. To be giving without wanting anything in return.

Raised by parents that had very little schooling I have to write today that I had a good childhood. Especially, because back then I was not aware of the labels of society that characterize us into groups today. (My thoughts were that my daddy is acting funny, mommy says he is drunk and mommy and brother are afraid of him, so I have to take care of him.) Something so small separated our family in half. Divided we became – my father and me, my mom and brother. I found through my entire life I could talk to my dad about anything but not my mom. Why? I was told by my dad at ten years of age that my mom was afraid of me. (My ego puffed up that day!) Today it makes sense, as she feared him eventually she came to fear me. No one took the time to ask me if I was afraid though. I had to be afraid at one time because I was a small child. But in my heart I know I was a child who did as she was told period. It was how it was. Children listened to their parents. Catholic school also put the fear of God into me. I felt abandoned by my mom my entire life but did not know the word was abandonment more like I was unloved or unwanted. I had this inner ache that made me feel ‘blue’ at an early age.

I believe today that the hardest obstacles on everyones path is releasing the past no matter how terrible it was and moving away from the fears and pain. To accept and forgive whatever happened no matter what because it has happened and cannot be changed. To now be responsible for ourselves by forgiving what has filled us with despair yesterday. To know we are not to blame because another projected onto us their fears. We CAN choose everyday who we want to be, how we want to be and whether we want to be happy. Everyday is a new day, a beginning, a day away from yesterday that will manifest into tomorrow.

I know that IAM blessed today. I have changed from yesterday but still I travel a path IAM not sure of. IAM searching for what? I ask myself, when will this feeling end? I go back and forth in my mind…should I, could I,would I? What do I want? Who do I want to be? 

I believe IAM returning to a part of me from another life. At this age IAM traveling to discover the depths of my soul. At one time I thought I had arrived but this path is long and filled with lessons so I must simply take one day at a time. I surrender.

Pray, Meditate, Journal…

 Me and Mom…

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www.LindaAmato.com