What a Great Ride it Has Been

             “In youth we learn; in age we understand.” – Marie Ebner-Eschenbach

This morning I opened my eyes and thought of the amazing ride I have been on. I sat up in bed and fell into my morning ritual; I meditated, prayed and contemplated on being sixty-five years old. I’m amazed by this lifetime I have journeyed. My personal ride began with what I labeled as a child of this inner feeling I called, “the blues!” Today I imagine it was just fear as a child that confused me. Being scared, afraid or terrified at a young age was the norm such a long time ago. Still the feelings sit deep within my heart even today. Tears can overflow at the inner conflict for my inner child of yesterday. There was a time I buried her deeply only to discover I could not breathe without her. I realize today that fifteen years ago I embraced her holding on to my eyelids and offered her love. It was time for her to resurface and know her truth. We began a new ride. The memories of my youth are filled with drinking fighting and abusive behavior between my dad and mom. Fear filled our home only because Friday nights dad came home drunk. Mom became embarrassed and totally afraid of him!


“You must learn to make your whole world your school.” -Martin H. Fischer

I know that I am not the only woman to have grown up in a house with an alcoholic/manic-depressant or fearful/critical parent. In fact, I realize as a child I had no understanding of these types of labels. I did not know the ride would take me through abandonment, abuse, fear, pain, tears, death and lies over and over again. Death is a part of life but sudden unexpected deaths are terrifying at any age. My only brother to die by a drunk driver, my oldest nephew to be murdered then my beloved dad to  die of lung cancer. I know that at times there was great laughter and love going up but coming down that roller coaster  could almost make me topple over and crash when the fears arose.

 “Why be anything other than good? Why do anything other than love!” –Johnathan Dahl

 However, here I sit as a whole woman, loved, fulfilled, happy and amazed with gratitude for the experiences of my lifetime. I live a good life! I admit I struggle still today when those I love are unkind, critical or judgmental of one another. It is those times that my inner child comforts me with a memory of me climbing a tree at McCarren Park, swimming at Coney Island or just drinking Mountain Dew and eating pretzels on the stoop. It was the simplicity of yesterday that encourages me to love unconditional. I’m thrilled with the joyous memories of my childhood today because those were the moments that pushed me forward. The fearful dark memories are drifting further and further away from my inner sight.

            “If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” – Jim Rohn

I blame no one for the ride I chose to take because at this time in my life I believe I am an amazing  wife, mother and grandmother. How did I get to this time in my life believing that my life is wonderful? It always comes back to the simple parts of the ride I believe. When my dad was dying he looked at me and said, “I had a wonderful life so don’t cry for me because you are gong to die one day too!” That was in 1998 and finally I get it!

At forty years old he attempted suicide and lived the next thirty years in and out of mental institutions supported and loved by me and my husband for anything he needed. Weekly visits were the norm when he was not hospitalized but living in an adult home facility and happy no matter what. A true loved of Mother Nature he taught me to respect her as well. With forgiveness, acceptance, kindness, unconditional love, and not taking anything personal I made these beliefs my tools. Meditation, prayer and writing in my journal are my supplements to the ride. Knowing I am connected and blessed are my gifts today.


  “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage.” – Anais Nin

There will always be ups and downs because there is so much to learn in the greatest of classes in life called relationships. To love, hate, fear, and anger are the cornerstones of all relationships until we end any form of confrontation, control, and criticism. There came a time on my journey when the abandonment issues of my mom settled deep within to thug at my heart. After repeated abandonment episodes like her moving to Puerto Rico because her son had died and there was no reason for her to stay in New York I would cringe at her words for a very long time. It was my dad who told me she was not a smart woman and to forgive her. Today I know I am the person I am because of her and that I would not have been able to know my gifts and talents if she remained by my side. Could this have been a contract we agreed on prior to birth?

When I discovered what an amazing ride I have experienced because of the choices and changes I made, I filled with a deep sense of gratitude. At this age I know when I sit and color with gel pens for an hour or so my inner child is happy. If I choose to take a walk, read a good book or practice some yoga poses I have reconnected with the simplicity of life that fills me with joy. When I share my wisdom with others through counseling, workshops, blogging and talking I am being of service. The wisdom we all possess rests deep within and needs to be connected to so that peace can be part of the ride. The time will come when everyone gets the chance to get off their amazing roller coaster ride and live a loving, peaceful existence. Know it is possible as I do! When you exit you will breathe a feeling of contentment and smile as you remark, “what a great ride it has been!”

Meditate! Pray! Journal!

http://www.LindaAmato.com

LA BELIEVES …

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It has come to my attention that many do not believe as I do. I wonder if this is the inner workings of my soul that I have embraced to believe as I believe. My age is of no concern today because in the depths of my heart I always followed the desire to love and be loved. I imagined as a young girl that there was a vastness to life and learned early to be in love with the surroundings of Mother Nature on a daily basis. The warmth of the sun on my face, the freedom to walk around the block, to swim in the ocean, climb a tree or just look up at the stars and moon in the night. What do I believe that is so different from another stumps me.

I believe …

IAM a being of love and light. That I have a right, passion and purpose to be here. I trust that there is a process to life and that there is a Divine Intelligence that travels my path with me. I have the power to know that my thoughts words and action create my life. The emotions that flow from my heart fills me with compassion and love for others. As a mother and grandmother I know I must be of service to those in my family, my inner circle, as well as those outside my circle because we are all one. I have noticed that there is an inner wisdom that can be heard, seen and felt when I meditate daily. I know IAM an eternal being with a soul and that this body is just a vehicle for me to be like God and co-create my life with God! This wisdom that rests within is my right to discover and adhere to. I have lived many lifetimes and the lessons learned are part of my existence today. It is my right as a being with free will that I can travel through meditation, journey through the written word and learn as much as I desire to connect me with All That Is! I imagine that this is strange to others but comforting to me. I know that love is the key to life as well as forgiveness of myself and others. I embrace my life today as a life filled with wonder and amazing vibes of love because I believe that I live as a spiritual being in a place I call heaven on earth.

I cannot believe any other way and in doing that which inspires me to share with others I have studied simply to be able to empower those who desire love, light and healing in their lives.

Are your beliefs so different from mine? Take time to think what you believe is true for you.

The following is excerpted from Making Believers: Connect to the Light within…

SPACE

We all need a daily moment to find our space

To support one silently waiting is God’s grace

An accomplished moment of emptiness in ones mind

Shall renew ones ability with the desire to be kind

As one begins to dwell in time that is ones own

One can fulfill their destiny if they believe in the unknown

Meditate. Pray. Journal.

www.LindaAmato.com