I imagine we are born with a deep understanding of life that sits silent until we are ready to connect the dots. In the past, I never would have imagined that I would grow up to be this woman who I am today. I believe there is this deep mystery to life and when we begin to question our own actions, how we speak and even the thoughts we think the door cracks open. Not completely open but a little bit every day! Before this opening begins we struggle through life trying to figure everything out because we have this need to know, this desire to control and this instinct that we know what is best for everyone.
I believe that the greatest of lessons to learn of course is the ability to love unconditionally. Then to not take anything personally, and to savor moments by staying present! As a mother in the past raising four children I believed I was setting an example and that I was being watched at all times by them. I knew to be present and today I am grateful that I have the memories in my mind forever of being an at home mom who stopped whatever I was doing to listen to my children. I supported their dreams, their achievements, listened to their fears and learned to respect them and to love who they love.
My youngest daughter, has decided to live far from her family and travels around the world as well as being a Recreational Therapist for those with disabilities. I look at her in awe as I am clueless as to God’s plan for her and I feel blessed that I know she does not belong to me and has her own inner wisdom that has cracked the door open early for her.
I am thankful that this inner wisdom has unfolded to show me that I have the ability to wake up in the morning daily to meditate, pray and journal as I thank God for another day to try to be like Him.
Is this wisdom because of my age? Or, is this the crack in the doorway opening wider?
I had a conversation recently with my husband about someone being middle-age … we had to smile because we are past the middle-age mark and yet I know in my heart I feel so young. I have a deep connection to that girl from yesterday and I marvel at how clueless she was about me and where I would be today.
This is the mystery of life I celebrate!
The Path one travels in life seems to be something which all believe needs to be searched for!
What if the path is where our feet stand at this exact moment in time?
What if there is no need to search for anything at all?
Personally, I have lived a life filled with interesting lessons that I have learned from, which have been part of my path. I haven made choices in life that have empowered me to continue always on my path forward, although sometimes a bit slow. I smile at the memory of the freedom of my youth, as well as the fears I learned, a marriage at a young age, where I was clueless to who I was and would be and then the joys of motherhood. However, through those years I had many detours to embrace with a belief of my own that unconditional love is the best medicine in the world.
My learning experiences have created in me an awareness that I always have a choice. Sometimes I chose silence for many years (these were the slow years) only to digest that which I could not comprehend from those I loved. Other times, I roared as a lion to protect my cubs, who I respected and knew that one day they would have to leave me because I did not own them. There were times where I escaped into a good book or I should write many a book, just to rest for awhile. For me the daily writing of my experiences cleared a wider path to walk. At times I took to my bed with a heavy heart depressed and dealing with grief that had suddenly come upon me. Through all the years of my life I acquired a belief that if I did anything with love in my heart I would be okay.
When a fork appealed on my path one day I had a choice to make which would change and transform my life tremendously but I believe today I was led and have always been led to rise and continue on by a force which I call my Higher Self, God, or Jesus! At times I doubted myself and all that I was transforming, learning and creating. I wondered if this was possible for me, at this age, at this time? I began to seek, search and acquire with a belief that I needed more.
Recently, I came under the awareness that I am on a golden path filled with singing birds, beautiful flowers, strong trees, blue skies and a sun that warms my soul as the stars twinkle above me in the night. Where I stand today, as I AM, is my path.
This is the beginning of a new time for everyone as we begin 2013!
I find that I have travelled slowly into this new year as if I am in a trance.
I cannot move any faster no matter how I try. It seems to be a moment in my life to be grateful for the relationships I treasure and the joy and abundance in my life. Here I sit this Sunday almost half way through this first month in the new year and I am in awe of the life that I have lived.
For many years I felt that I was just a wife and mom…a housekeeper! Now I look back and realize that those years were the best times of my life. Today, I miss the simplicity of loving, nursing and nurturing my babies. The smell of clean clothes as I washed and ironed everything. The many hugs and kisses when their little arms clung to me. Yes, I say to myself I have lived a great life. I have loved and I have been loved and I am loved.
Why not at this time in my life reflect on all that has taken me to this page and share the joys of all that I have experienced. I believe that much is taken for granted in life and the chaos of beating the clock creates for many anxiety, fear and unhappiness.
I was told once by a very wise man to tell my husband to make sure that he, “stops to smell the roses…” I believe it is never too late to stop and breathe in the beauty of life that surrounds us.